Yesterday was fairly up and down. IOP was hard because we talked about relationships and interpersonal effectiveness, and I am learning that I am not necessarily a very interpersonally effective person…which I guess I already know since I am a classic avoider and isolator (sp?). I really just don’t like to be around people and I can fake it to a certain extent and there are people that I’m comfortable being around, but it’s a small group. I do think the skills I am learning are going to help me in the relationships I have now, and maybe make me braver to try new ones.
I came home after IOP and took a nap. That’s pretty much my M.O. now…I just feel so drained and tired afterward, and am probably looking for a bit of escape. That and I didn’t sleep very well the night before. I only slept for two hours though, and then Curly Snap came over.
We visited for about an hour and she caught me up on all the office drama. I also called my supervisor while she was there to tell her I would get all my end-of-the-month stuff in to her today, which of course I don’t have all finished yet. I do have the stuff done that she needs by noon today, though, and I am thinking about dropping it in her mailbox on my way to IOP, so that Curly Snap doesn’t have to keep swinging by. I know she doesn’t mind, but it has to be in by noon and I’m not sure her schedule will allow her to do that on such short notice, and I will be in the bigger city until noon, then have a dentist’s appointment at 1:00.
I talked to Dad this morning and he is going to let me borrow a couple of CD’s from his massive collection. I asked for The Nields and The Curious George soundtrack. They are both mellow and kind of happy. I am trying to find more music that makes me feel good and at peace for my self-soothing exercises. A suggestion from group yesterday was checking out a Canadian artist who goes by Feist. I bookmarked most of her You-Tube pages and would recommend checking her out.
Went to Mom’s last night again for a fish fry. Nothing better than hush puppies, fried crappie, coleslaw, and homemade french fries. To my surprise, all the grease didn’t make me sick and it was nice to indulge myself a little bit. I did get into a little bit about Mom and her her incorrect use of the word “boundaries,” but we got it all settled and I sent her an email this morning on the difference between boundaries and overpersonalization. Sometimes it is nice to be able to argue with someone and not end up having them be mad at you. Mom is pretty understanding.
It has been suggested that I develop some “interests” but I am just not sure where to start. I live my life so much from day to day that it’s like I can’t concentrate on finding something I really love doing, other than blogging, talking on the phone, and playing with my dog. My guess is that when spring/summer really gets here, I will be pretty active in my yard. I do like keeping my yard looking nice, even when I don’t feel my best. I even have some flowers to plant that I need to pick up at Mom’s.
So, I’ll be using my “opposite to emotion” skills today…doing something productive or helpful even though my emotions tell me I don’t want to. Definitely something I need to work on.
For a change, I’d like to share a “happy” song, because my guess is that more than one person who reads my blog could use a little cheering up:
Feist 1,2,3,4
Earlier you mentioned knitting as something that you were interested in. My wife became a kniiter around 2-3 years ago. She is in the corporate world and she is a perfectionist. A very lethal combination. She found a local yarn shop that had various knitting classes, and each involved a project such as a scarf or a vest. After a couple of classes she got hooked, and now she stops the yarn shop every week to knit and to interact with people.
I used to be a book collector. I would wander around through used book stores and thrift shops looking for that one find. I did pick up a first edition of Orwell’s Animal Farm for 50 cents. Sometimes I would buy something and many times I would go home empty handed. But I really did not care because I was enjoying myself.
I also tend to be an avoider, and I am not always comfortable around people. To extend my comfort zone I will go to monthly events at one of the local museums or galleries. I do have to challenge myself at times. One way to do that is that I tell myself my goal for the evening is to meet one new person. So I take a chance, and sometimes a conversation may happen, and sometimes it may not.
Once get comfortable being by yourself it does get hard to leave that comfort zone. Been there and done that for most of my life.
Pasha