Friday, May 16, 2008 6:11 a.m.
It has been a few days since I have blogged. Again, a combination of not taking time to fit it into my schedule and having problems sneaking in some computer time with my work-a-holic busy mother. I mean seriously, she has three jobs. Time to quit one, Madre (which I know you wish you could do…I just worry). On the plus side, it means her and DHut’s businesses are going well, but she is so damn stressed out that I wish she would nibble on a Xanax and sip a cocktail.
Another reason for not blogging is that nothing particularly new has been going on. IOP…therapy…more IOP…more therapy…working on DBT skills…trying to survive. I am still staying with my parents, which helps to some extent. It’s a great distraction technique, but IOP and therapy still leave me with third-degree emotional burns and it takes most of the day to recover, if at all. And then it’s back at it again.
I’ve been trying to give myself one task per afternoon that I can get accomplished so that I can feel like I’m actually doing something. For the past couple of days, it has been cooking and doing laundy and helping Mom with the house. Anything but mowing my lawn, right?
I had an up-and-down day yesterday. IOP was awful…couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t listen, couldn’t function, participate. I made three coaching calls yesterday and friggin’ J ended up cancelling our therapy appointment because her allergies were bothering her. I really could have used some therapy yesterday.
I came back to town, sat in the hot tub, took a shower, ran a few errands, talked to Malcom, and then it was off to Mom and DHut’s again. They got in another shipment of plants for the water garden store and I helped get them all potted and put in water. Good self-soothe technique.
Then we came home and I made mini-meatloafs. YUM.
So…
DEPRESSION…CHECK!
ANXIETY…CHECK!
GENERAL CRAPPINESS…CHECK!
Nothing new here.
My thoughts go out to my godmother, The Bird Lady. XO
Norah Jones, Rosie’s Lullaby.
Now I like the idea of one task a day. You get something accomplished and at the same time you let yourself come down from all of the other emotional intensity. If you feel up to it you can always throw in another thing.
There are going to be some days where you are going to get hit by something. If you still can do that one or two things it helps give you something to hang on to. Yes I can get something done.
I had a very rough day today. I started to frazzle out this morning. I got an Email from an angry client, and the day went downhill from there. I got my morning news searches done for one client and then I ran off to my support group. It meets every Friday, from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. I told everyone that I was starting to unravel, and I was not going to be there for the next two weeks. My energy reserves are pretty much gone, and I am now running on sheer willpower.
I left the group and I began to frazzle. I took a quick run to my meat market. I picked up some salad fixings, Italian Ciabatta bread, cheese, Tilapia, pork tenderloin, smoked pork chops, and milk. I got home and I spent a couple of hours trying to settle down. When my wife came home I fried the Tilapia and I made some green beans for the side dish.
Now I did not get very much work done today. I spent most of the day trying to get myself settled down. But then I also told my group that I needed a break. I did some grocery shopping and I bought some very nice food. I came home and I made dinner. So I did get a few things done.
The important thing is to always try to get something done. It may not be much, but I still was able to do something.
Pasha