Whole-lotta-livin’ going on down-here. 🙂
Working at the home improvement store is turning out to be a really great thing. It’s not stressful, when I clock out I’m totally and completely done for the day, and I’m meeting lots of interesting people. It’s a fun work environment, unlike the previous job where everyone was fucking insane stressed and bitching all of the time. Going to work is something I look forward to now, and that’s what it’s all about anyway.
I have fallen back into some old patterns recently, as far as trying to “save” people. When I see someone with a problem, I don’t think, “RUN LIKE FUCKING HELL!” Instead, I think, “oh, I can fix that. Let me show you how.” The difference between then and now is that I am totally aware of my desire to fix people and their problems. And aware of the fact that it is not beneficial to my mental health to take every stray under my wing, just because I’ve been there before or because I know EXACTLY what to do in said situation.
I find myself giving a lot of advice. I think I give pretty good advice and other people seem to think so too, because they come back for more. I’m cool with that. I’m cool with giving advice, with listening. I just don’t want to get so involved. It isn’t good for me and I know that. I cut ties when I need to.
There is a clarity to life that has been lacking in the past. I think a lot of it is coming with age and being around people that are younger than me. I remember when I was in my early 20’s, especially when I was 22, and Mom kept saying that she wouldn’t be 22 again for anything. At the time I thought, “well why the hell not?” Now I see.
Now I see how much more I know now and how much I still have to learn. And I notice myself being totally okay with that. When I was younger (and I’m not calling myself old), I thought I knew everything there was to know and that I didn’t need to know anything else, because I knew everything anyway. I see a lot of that in people around me. It is frustrating and fascinating, all at the same time, just noticing.
I’ve been making a lot of important decisions lately, although they may seem small to other people (and I acknowledge that key people think they are huge). I am making choices about how I want to live my life, the life that I want to lead, instead of the life that I think I SHOULD lead or that someone else wants me to follow.
I feel truly happy and am at peace. I reflect and make myself smile, and sometimes even giggle, with the thoughts that pop into my head, like a really good sneeze. I amaze myself with my ability and willingness to do what it takes to make my life worth living. I’m proud of myself.
I love myself.
Gnarls Barkley, Going On
Anyone that needs what they want, and doesn’t want what they need
I want nothing to do with
And to do what I want
And to do what I please
Is first of my to-do list
You took the words from my mouth, Gnarls.
Thanks to Cheryl (you rock!!) for putting this video on her blog first, where I fell in love with the song.