Seeking More

Working at the home improvement store is giving me a bit of a complex.  I am not saying that it is not a great improvement for me to be working, to be working almost full-time.  It is simply not what I want to be doing in the long-run.  In the long-run, I want to go back to school.  I would like to get my MSW, do research, and get the hell out of Dodge move. 

As I have said in a previous post, I want a new start, a change.  It is not so much about getting away from my parents as it is doing what I want to do, having big dreams and achieving them.  I think it is totally do-able.  I just have to figure out how to do it, mostly from a financial standpoint. 

Pasha commented a bit ago about comparing ourselves to others.  I find myself falling into that trap sometimes.  I run into people that I went to high school with, and it seems like everyone is married, has kids, are building lives that they want. 

The past five years, my life has basically been on hold, due to circumstances beyond my control.  I am taking it off hold, pushing play, and letting the cards fall where they may. 

I visited with Mom and DHut last night.  I am going to be taking over my cell phone bill, mostly because I do not want to decrease my minutes and this is considered an “extra” expense which I can cut.  I personally think that everyone has some expense in their life that others may see as “extra” that the person sees as vitally important.  I spend money on bills, pay my mortage, do those things that I need to do (with the assistance of my family). 

My cell phone is my “extra” expense that some see as ridiculous, that I see as necessary.  So I will be paying for the majority of it out of my “discretionary” money and I’m cool with that.  It feels good to be taking that step.  And there are even more steps to come. 

My long-term plan is to move.  To where, I’m not sure.  I have given Canada some serious thought.  Then again, there are other places that may be interesting as well.  I would say that here within the next two to three years or possibly sooner, I will be out of here. 

I know that might sound like a huge step to take.  And it is.  That is why I’m not doing it tomorrow.  The move will be well thought out.  I will have housing, a job/school in place.  I will know exactly where I am going.  How that all happens is still up in the air, but it will happen. 

In somewhat related news, I have been talking to a man who I will refer to as F.  F and I have an amazing amount of things in common.  The same likes, interests.  We both want the same things and are remarkably compatible.  He is from Germany, and recently moved back due to some issues with his greencard.  We are taking things slowly, step by step.  And I think sometimes you just know.  You just know that it’s right and is worth working on. 

I know that my parents don’t want to hear about some new guy until he “shows up on the doorstep over and over again.”  Sometimes life is different than that, there are different circumstances, and this is one of them.  He makes me happy.  I’m going with that.  And it feels good to get that out in the open.   

Big dreams, big goals.  All attainable, all worth working on, giving me hope and inspiration to work even harder. 

This song may not seem to fit.  It just does to me. 

Bruce Springsteen, Streets of Philadelphia

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3 thoughts on “Seeking More

  1. Queen of Philosophical says…

    I feel a slight sense of sadness that anyone would compare themself to another. I thought I’d lived the life and taught the lessons where my children wouldn’t do that. I guess that’s called rebellion, because both tend to do so. (Give more of a shit about what others think than is necessary.)

    This really causes me to think. Comparing one’s self to others…There is a fine line to be walked between one’s life, and narcissism. I try to stay on the life side, but do occasionally fall to the dark side. And I’m sure those around me see “me” differently than I see myself.

    What really matters is how I see myself, and not what others think…as long as I’m on an honorable path. I’ve learned in this lifetime that that line sometimes becomes very thin, thus requires a lot of thought. I have gone thru’ times where I thought I was on an honorable path, just to realize that I was feeding the wrong wolf. And this is commentary about me, as opposed to others, because some tend to have poor boundaries. (I will now wait for the rotten fruit and tomatoes to be thrown.)

    Yes, one’s life is for living. Not “just surviving” and not just “doing what one has to do to survive.” But remembering the steps required to so do.

    ~Her Majesty, Royal Queen of Philosophical Thoughts and Bisquits~ PS I think the song fits beautifully with the mood…even though it’s been quashed and have to go elsewhere to listen. 😀

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  2. My Dear Queen,

    The comparisons often are related to self image. If you have a strong self image, you brush off the comparisons. If your self image is less than strong, the comparisons will creep in. The comparisons also come into play when one has either been separated from or have tried to avoid life. The sooner you can become reconnected, the more you can avoid comparisons. For those who have avoided it for years, it is much harder to do.

    You can get past it once you can become comfortably reconnected. Unfortunately it is much harder than it seems. The problem is when you try something and things go wrong. You can then slip back to where you were and then you have to work your way out again. This is where your initial choice of options is important. You want to try and do something and succeed at it. Then you really have no reason to compare your life to someone else’s.

    Pasha

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  3. Thank you my L&F… I needed a different perspective. I’m very glad you posted before I wrote again.

    ~Your Humble Queen~ PS I could ramble, but for today… I won’t.

    PPS Yes RosiesMrTiePants… once again, we’ve hijacked your blog. 😀 ~Her Mayjesty, Royal Queen of Bitchquits~ 😀

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