Friday, September 12, 2008 5:25 a.m.
I am going to start putting dates on my blogs again. Too confusing (at least to me) otherwise.
Goal number one right now is getting myself off my parents’ “dole” (Mom’s words). In order to do this, I need to find a job that pays more, obviously. At least that is the step I would like to take. There are other ways to do it, such as getting a roommate, but I’m not really willing to go there unless I am absolutely desparate.
I spent several hours on Wednesday trying to get my resume and cover letters together. It was kind of a bitch and somewhat annoying, considering I had a perfectly fine-tuned resume with various cover letters on my old laptop (that I fried when I spilled an entire McDonald’s coffee over the keyboard). Of course, I didn’t have it stored elsewhere. That would have made too much sense, entirely!
But I did get my resume completed and some cover letters written. I have applied to for a position working as a mental health professional at a correctional facility here in town, and have also applied for three clerical positions at the local university. I plan on continuing to scour the ads everyday until something comes through.
Although money is the biggest motivating factor in finding another job, I have other reasons as well. Although I like my job at the home improvement store, I am feeling very unchallenged. Yes, it can be fun. No, it is not stressful. But it takes about two percent of my brain cells to function there every day. I’d like to be challenged, to be helping people, to come home and feel like I’ve actually done something with my day. I come home and can literally feel myself feeling dumber than when I left in the morning. Not a good feeling.
As I said before, the real goal is financial independence. I believe I have also mentioned this in previous posts. Just another step toward becoming truly independent and making all of my own decisions. It has been a long time in the making, but the cord is being cut (or gnawed at slowly) and I’m gonna make it on my own. Exciting and scary all at the same time, but I know I can do it.
While I am taking many steps forward, I have also fallen back in one particular area…eating. I have been losing weight, and had been going about it in a fairly healthy way. Unfortunately, I have fallen into some old patterns and have developed somewhat of a revulsion toward food. This happens to me sometimes, is part of the cycle, and I am trying to nip it in the bud before it becomes a real issue.
I met with Goddess of Mindfulness yesterday and talked about interpersonal effectiveness strategies that I can use with Mom (which I used last night and finally feel like we are on the same page) and also about my eating. While A and J2 had been thinking about me stopping DBT, GoM disagrees and says that for the meantime, until my eating normalizes again, that I need to continue and go back to therapy once a week instead of every other week. While this is not a pleasant thought, I am willing to do what it takes to get it under control (in a less controlled way) again.
I will likely have the day off today, as the bait store doesn’t really need my attention when it is raining (which it has done seven out of the last ten days). I plan on getting all of my clothes together again (fall/winter out and spring/summer put away) and trying to find a few items that have gone missing, namely library books. I also need to set some mouse traps, because they’re back (happened around the same time last year). I would also like to do some deep-cleaning, because my house has suddenly become very dusty. And I’m also going to get my aquarium in order…I have tons of baby guppies right now!
“May you be happy. May you be loved. May you be at peace. May you be protected.”
Sending that one out to all of you, and also to myself. Because sometimes we need that. I know I do.
Heidi Newfield, Johnny and June