I have always thought of myself as a clean and tidy person. (I have also told Mom on more than one occasion that I am not a complicated person, to which she strongly objects, but that’s another post for another day) That myth has been shattered recently, by not one, but two people. When I first went to Matt’s apartment, I was stunned. It was spotless, neat, organized, and very homey. I have never before been with a guy who had those characteristics, who didn’t almost shun those characteristics. At the time, I didn’t feel worried, because, as I said, I have always thought of myself as a very clean and tidy person.
About a week ago, I came home from working late and Matt was there waiting for me (and there is no better feeling in the world) with some hot tea. We were talking, and I went to throw something in the trash can. I opened it up, and screamed like a little girl. A mouse. In my trashcan. Looking up at me. Argh. I opened it again, and said mouse scrambled out and disappeared into a hole under my cabinets. I’m not sure who was more horrified, me or Matt.
I’m pretty sure that led to the discussion of how “cluttered” my house is, but only after Matt had set four different mouse traps. I have stuff. A lot of stuff. Matt has stuff, but it’s all very organized and neat and he doesn’t have all of the interesting things I do…like my tribute to chaos, otherwise known as my kitchen windowsill. It has plants, postcards, antique glass, and some other unique doodads in it. Matt’s words — “eccentric.”
I mentioned this to the Queen of Bisquits a day or two ago, and she told me that she didn’t think I was “cluttered” (other than a bathroom full of different kinds of products) because she lives in a museum. However, she did point out that I’m not the greatest housekeeper. Her thing was the copious amount of dust that seems to gather and stay forever on every surface in my house. Okay, so I hate to dust and don’t find it a good use of my time. And I have a lot of furniture, a lot of surface area.
So I decided to come home and look at everything with open eyes, and see it as someone else would see it who doesn’t live here. Let’s just say it needs some work. So yes, I am a bit cluttered, especially in comparison to Matt. And I’m a lot dusty. The funny thing is that it doesn’t really bother me. I did clean for awhile though, so that Matt would feel more comfortable about being here.
When he came over last night, he remarked on things being cleaner. He looked visibly relieved. And I was relieved that I cleaned, because apparently it had really been that bad, and I don’t want to get dumped by a great guy (not that he would, just a paranoid thought) for being a lazy duster.
Matt and I have been spending a lot of time together, and it has been really great. We’re getting to know each other better every day, and the more I know him, the more I like him, and the more I like myself around him. “YES WE CAN!” Thank you, QoB. More than you know.
I went to my new DBT class yesterday afternoon, after fighting tooth-and-nail with work to take off at 2:30 like they had promised me I could just the week before. I made it fairly on time and was very pleased with what I saw. It’s a very unique group and I think I’m really going to like it. My focus on my diary card was letting myself be okay, and not sabotaging.
Interestingly enough, we did an exercise at the end of group that made me realize that I really am ok. We were to put down our two most difficult problems at the time. I put down not sabotaging/creating drama and money. We then put down five negative and five positive things about them. And then five things we could do to resolve the issues. After doing so, I realized that I really have no problems right now, and that I’m doing everything I need to do to get more money.
And I’m ok with that. I’m happy, I’m content. As long as I am mindful, I can roll with that and just be.
This blog’s song has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I’ve been listening to a lot of this band lately, thanks to Matt’s iPod. And yes, this song makes me dance, just like the girls in the video. 🙂
Flogging Molly, Salty Dog