Hallelujah, baby…it’s the weekend! And I’m not sure where my cell phone is, and that’s ok. I’m not worried about the stupid things my clients might do, the 2 a.m. crisis calls I might have to field, the irate landlords calling at 6:00 a.m., or the local hospitals blowing up my phone 24/7. I know I keep saying similar over and over, but DAMN! It’s almost surreal to have a weekend, to have my evenings free, to be forced to get off the clock after my 40 hours.
Work is going really well. I am staying super-busy, which makes the week go by really fast. I feel like I actually know what I’m doing now, too. After a talk with my supervisor and a few strongly placed words with the person who is supposed to train me, I was given the bare bones of what I am supposed to get done, when I’m supposed to get it done by, and who to call/email/fax/send smoke signal to in order to get it done.
I think that I mentioned that I am employed by the medical/mental health contractor, but my office is over in reentry on the Dept. of Corrections side. At first I thought this was strange, but now I’m thankful. There are three other people in the reentry office and we’re all in our own little blue cubes. (I’ve never had a cube before!) I really like two of the people, and the other one is tolerable. The two that I hang out with, Queen of Corpses and Prince Hot Dog, share a lot of the same ideas as I do about corrections, work ethic, and “the system” in general.
Also, QofC and PHD are both interested in weight loss and exercise. I started WW recently and have been doing okay for the most part, but am struggling to exercise. QoC and PHD and I eat lunch together every day, which has helped me greatly with portion control. Also, we walk outside when it is nice, and once it gets nicer we are talking about going and walking around some trails that are nearby. I think this is a really good idea because when I come home, it seems like the last thing I want to do is exercise. I don’t think it is imperative that I walk/lift weights after I come home from work, but it needs to get done at some point during the day. My thought is that I can do cardio over my lunch hour and then do the Bowflex when I get home. I just need to fall into that routine, which I am working at doing. I think it will be even easier since it is getting nicer outside.
I have been both looking forward to and dreading this weekend for a long time. It is the weekend of the yearly basketball tournament that Dad and I go to in the big city. It has always been a really good time and definitely makes for good bonding time. Going to basketball games is one of the very few, maybe one of the only ways that I feel we can connect without him driving me crazy or hurting my feelings. But patterns repeat themselves and I end up feeling screwed. For this weekend, Dad insisted on taking my stepsister’s son, BuddyBoy. What the FUCK? Okay, let’s take the one good thing we have going together and throw a six year old in the mix…a six year old that already dominates my Dad’s time and is chosen all of the time over me. Seriously. My feelings are hurt and I am pissed.
I tried to talk with him last night on the phone with him about it, but Dad is so oblivious sometimes that it’s ridiculous. I really think he is emotionally and socially retarded…really do. I finally gave up and have tried to work on having an open mind so that I can enjoy my tournament. Let’s just say that I’m really struggling with the open mind part. In honesty, I feel like pushing Dad and that damn kid down the steps at the stadium. I know that sounds petty, but years and years of similar behavior on Dad’s part have made me bitter.
There is nothing to do but
Now that I have myself all worked up. 😀
I need to start setting some daily goals. I think it will help me to be more focused and mindful about my behavior. For this weekend, I need to:
1) Practice sacred self. I don’t know how long it has been since I have done this.
2) Work on being open-minded and willing when it comes to BuddyBoy and Dad. This should be a real trial.
3) Stay on plan for exercising and diet. Shouldn’t be terribly difficult, although I know there is some stadium popcorn in my future.
Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Breathe.
Death Cab for Cutie, What Sarah Said
This video is friggin’ cool. And the song reminds me of hard times that I went through not that long ago, and it makes me proud how. far. I. have. come.