So happy today that it’s the weekend. This week almost killed me off, between being sick from a new medication and having major random mood swings. I decided to stop taking the medicine and actually slept better without it than with it. Oh, and no more vomiting or stomach pains, a huge plus.
I think the mood swings are something I have to just be mindful of and let pass. I can quickly swing from devastated to joyful to my version of normal. If I can just make fewer pit stops in the desert of depression, all will be good. I know what I need to do to make that happen, a lot of it hinging on being effective — doing what works without fighting fighting fighting.
I once had a therapist who said:
Being depressed is like being in the middle of the ocean without a lifeboat. If you struggle, you drown. If you float, you live.
The whole idea of DBT mindfulness, letting thoughts and emotions flow over you, floating with them, noticing and not judging, always noticing, never judging…it really works, when you remember to practice it. I tried to start a new meditation series a few weeks ago that my therapist had recommended and I absolutely hated it. Hated the voice, hated the words. I tried to roll with it for a little while, but I just couldn’t take it and it wasn’t getting any better.
So I’m going back, have been going back within the last day or two to what I know to be effective — listening to certain music albums, blogging, sitting on my back porch drinking coffee, saying a loving-kindness meditation to forgive and forget. Practicing loving myself and not judging myself. It’s all those little things that make my life enjoyable.
A piece that really calms me…
The Fear You Won’t Fall, Joshua Radin