QoB receives these motivational essays at her work, from Dr. Alan Zimmerman, affectionally nicknamed Dr. Z by Madre. I generally don’t have much use for things like this, but QoB sends me the ones that seem to be really applicable to my life, almost like he is speaking to me. She sent me this week’s Tuesday Tip, and it particularly resonated with me:
In tough times, your financial health takes a beating. But so does your emotional health … if you’re not careful. Well, I’ve got some good news for you. You don’t have to be miserable and depressed. You don’t have to gripe and groan. And you don’t have to live “under your circumstances.” You can be victorious … no matter what your circumstances … if you do three things.
1. DECIDE to have a good day.
2. ACT like it’s a good day.
3. PLAN a good day.
I totally fall into the trap of not doing this, even when thinking that I likely could make it a practice in my everyday life. Sometimes I spend a lot of time caught up with the little things in my environment that I control to be just.so and think that should equate happiness.
The distinct problem with this train of thought, way of being, is that I generally end up disappointed because one thing or another didn’t work out. Dr. Love and I had a fairly deep discussion last night about my feelings of aimlessness, my lack of meaningful (to me) goals, my lack of real passion for anything.
We concluded that my current purpose in life is to survive, and, frankly, it has been for some time. I have used this over and over again, just trying to make it through the day with a steady, non-reactive mood, only to find myself coming up short at the end of the day. Yes, I am surviving, and having “survived” now for some time, it seems to be time to kick my life into gear and start living.
Of course, this isn’t a new issue. It’s something I have pondered throughout the last ten years or so, generally whenever I’m feeling pretty good about how things are going. Kind of like, “Ok, I’m surviving all right. Now time to make my life even better and put.myself.out.there.”
Ok, double, quadruple scary for me. I have serious trust issues, a somewhat antisocial personality, and, if you listen to QoB, I’m an angry person in my interactions with the world. As I told QoB, just because I hate everyone does not mean I am an angry person. Things that make ya go “hmmm.”
A lot of times I will watch myself and my behavior and marvel at how far I have come. Of course, there are a lot of times where I’m thinking
Stuck in the same old rut again.
I think I have done rather well in the last year to open myself up to new people and possibilities. I get along rather well with people at work, even if I am constantly evolving and changing in order to not come across as weak or overly emotional. As Dr. Love (and even a few of my inmates) say, I put up a tough front, but I actually have the potential to be nice and friendly, when I want to be.
Here’s to “acting as if” I’m happy, seeing if it will stick around, making some new goals, and striving for purpose.
This song makes me think of camping, even though we never sing it because I don’t really know the words.
John Denver, Country Roads