Detachment via Exhaustion

You know you’re about done for the day when you start muttering the f-bomb under your breath with frustration as you try to open the new drop-down menu on your dashboard.  Damn drop-down menu, damn laptop mouse.

The past week or two have been really super-busy at work.  Non-stop, go-go-go action.  It feels good to get a lot done, because there are definitely periods where not much is going on.  It would be nice if I had some time to work on my curriculums, but 80% of my job duties on my position description are for discharge planning.  So, there ya go.  I just keep telling myself I’ll work on it someday.  Sure wish some of these people would get discharged, though, and stay discharged.  So goes any type of social service work though, I have found.

Gavin came to the house this past weekend to look through the garage.  It was hard for him, hard for my mom to watch.  I suppose he’ll come back a few more times to look through the garage before everything is sold.  I wish there was something I could do to make it less painful, but there’s not.  Except pour a little whiskey at day’s end.

Dr. Love and I have plans to go camping this weekend.  He managed to get Friday – Sunday off somehow.  I am looking forward to it, looking forward to getting in some serious relaxation without worrying like I do when I’m at home about every.little.thing.  The lake seems to melt all that away, for the most part.

I feel so tired, I am out of it.  My sleep has been off for, well, for the last 29 years of my life.  It has better moments, it has worse moments, but overall it has improved greatly since the CPAP.  Someone posted on my stepsister’s Facebook page that new parents end up with a six month “sleep deficit” by the end of the first year.  Because they have to get up and feed the baby every two hours, so on and so forth.  If that one year period creates a six-month “sleep deficit,” I figure I’m on at least a 15 year sleep deficit.  Alas, that’s just the way it goes.

Yael Naim, Far Far

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6 thoughts on “Detachment via Exhaustion

  1. Far far, there’s this little girl
    she was praying for something to happen to her
    everyday she writes words and more words
    just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside
    and she’s strong when the dreams come cos’ they
    take her, cover her, they are all over
    the reality looks far now, but don’t go

    How can you stay outside?
    there’s a beautiful mess inside
    how can you stay outside?
    there’s a beautiful mess inside
    oh oh oh oh

    Far far, there’s this little girl
    she was praying for something good to happen to her
    from time to time there are colors and shapes
    dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands
    they invent her a new world with
    oil skies and aquarelle rivers
    but don’t you run away already
    please don’t go oh oh

    How can you stay outside?
    there’s a beautiful mess inside
    how can you stay outside?
    there’s a beautiful mess inside
    Take a deep breath and dive
    there’s a beautiful mess inside
    how can you stay outside?
    There’s a beautiful mess
    beautiful mess inside

    Oh beautiful, beautiful

    Far far there’s this little girl
    she was praying for something big to happen to her
    every night she hears beautiful strange music
    it’s everywhere there’s nowhere to hide
    but if it fades she begs
    “oh lord don’t take it from me, don’t take it”

    She says, “I guess I’ll have to give it birth
    to give it birth
    I guess, I guess I have to give it birth
    I guess I have to, have to give it birth
    there’s a beautiful mess inside and it’s everywhere

    Just look at yourself now
    deep inside
    deeper than you ever dared
    deeper than you ever dared
    there’s a beautiful mess inside
    beautiful mess inside

    Like

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