The Will to Carry On

I sure am up bright and early today.  I think that’s what happens when you go to bed at 9:15 p.m.  I am on “Plan A” of QoB’s model for healthy living.  “Plan A” consists of taking medication as prescribed, AKA taking meds twice a day instead of once.  It has really made a difference, it seems.  I am less agitated in the evening and more pleasant to be around (at least I think so).

I have also started taking Cymbalta again and it is amazing how wonderful I feel.  Back to where I was before I decided to go off it, really.  Apparently the withdrawal effects from going off Cymbalta suddenly include depression and irritability.  Hah!  Who would’ve known?  I was obviously not in my right mind when I went off it in the first place or I would have Googled everything.

Dr. Love’s parents were in town yesterday and I was able to spend a few hours in the evening with them.  We get along pretty well and it is always nice to see them.  They brought Matt’s nephew with them and he is getting SO big and is starting to say really funny things.  I think is he around 4 years old.  What a crack-up and what an age for repeating what he hears.  We went out for Chinese and he kept talking about the “damn Mexicans” and how we should “ship ’em home.”  Apparently he has been overhearing some rather racist conversations somewhere.

While at the restaurant, I ran into a co-worker from when I worked at the community mental health center.  It was really nice to see her and I think we are going to have lunch to catch up.  She has become a supervisor and I can totally see her in that role, kicking butt and taking names.  I told her I am loving corrections and that I had always thought I was not nice enough to work in straight-out mental health.  She says, “Hah!  Do ya think?!?”  I can remember giving people “pep talks” and co-workers coming out of their offices to see who is giving the “nice litle old lady” (aka, the 60 year old meth-head) a hard time.  Oh those were the days!

I have been cheating a little bit on my Paleo diet and have really been experiencing some serious gastrointestinal problems as a result.  Why do I do this to myself when I know it will make me sick?!?!?  Oh wait, it might be that eating disorder kicking in, as QoB reminded me.  I do tend to forget about it.  It’s just normal to me.  I don’t think about how other people eat and just assume that what I am doing is what anyone else would do.  Well, apparently it’s not.

So, to counteract urges to go to Casey’s and buy chips and cheese, I have cooked myself some good things for lunch today — edamame, zuccini stir fry with brown rice, grapes, apple with PB.  Should be a much better day for my stomach.  I also gave Dr. Love my debit card to hold onto.  My lack of self-control never fails to amaze me.

My car has been in the shop this week and it will finally be done today.  I’m pretty excited, as I have been driving Gav’s mini-van and it is very different from driving my car.  Definitely not as cool, but it has been great to have something to drive while my car has been out of commission.  It is hard to live in Topeka without a car and depend on the kindness of others to sneak you out of the facility for a smoke break!

Keep on keepin’ on.

Queen, The Show Must Go On


6 thoughts on “The Will to Carry On

  1. Lyrics to:

    Queen, The Show Must Go On

    Empty spaces – what are we living for?
    Abandoned places – I guess we know the score…
    On and on!
    Does anybody know what we are looking for?

    Another hero – another mindless crime.
    Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
    Hold the line!
    Does anybody want to take it anymore?

    The Show must go on!
    The Show must go on!
    Inside my heart is breaking,
    My make-up may be flaking,
    But my smile, still, stays on!

    Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance.
    Another heartache – another failed romance.
    On and on!
    Does anybody know what we are living for?

    I guess I’m learning
    I must be warmer now..
    I’ll soon be turning round the corner now.
    Outside the dawn is breaking,
    But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free!

    The Show must go on!
    The Show must go on! Yeah!
    Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
    My make-up may be flaking!
    But my smile, still, stays on!
    Yeah! oh oh oh

    My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,
    Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die,
    I can fly, my friends!

    The Show must go on! Yeah!
    The Show must go on!
    I’ll face it with a grin!
    I’m never giving in!
    On with the show!

    I’ll top the bill!
    I’ll overkill!
    I have to find the will to carry on!
    On with the,
    On with the show!

    The Show must go on.


  2. Appears to me you’re doin’ a hella good job of picking up pieces, and putting them well-back into the puzzle again.

    Empty spaces, abandoned places. Ain’t that part of life, figuring out how to fill that one out?

    Yeah… I know what we’re lookin’ for. And isn’t the show. Methinks you’re gettin there.

    At end of day, Ms Smartie Pants, we must learn to be happy inside our own head, regardless of the flaws that remain. You’re quite onto that path as you age. IMHO bisquit-eater opinion, of course. Life’s too short to do otherwise.

    Queen of DaNile, a/k/a Queen of Bisquits ;0


  3. Hey, Miss Rosie,
    I love the video. Ah, Queen, such drama, such truth. Glad to see your show must go on. I’m with you. My show is going on, going on, going on. We’re the lucky ones, eh?


    • We definitely are, Linda. It is so good to see your words. I think of you and include you and Owen in my loving-kindness meditation often. I miss seeing you around, but I do understand. Going on, going on, going on.


    • Oh I know. It was too stressful to think about yesterday! I plan on doing it today, though. She is outside, but I am watching her like a hawk from the sliding glass door.


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