Cure for Self-Loathing

Sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking that everyone hates me, because I am soooo unlikeable.  Recent evidence has come to light that most people actually don’t hate me, and that my perception of other people’s actions or non-actions often don’t have anything to do with me.  The amount of assistance, love, and thoughtfulness I am receiving from others in my life right now makes it really difficult for me to keep up with my personal belief that I am an unlikeable piece of shit.  Go figure.

I went over to the new house yesterday to find some beautiful floors.  QoB and Frog Queen have really been working hard!  I can’t believe how good they look!  I was cussing up a storm, so happy!  Isn’t that weird to cuss up a storm when you’re happy and excited?  Yeah, maybe.  I think I come by it honestly, though.  🙂

I had some much-needed relaxation last night, hanging out with my step-sister and brother-in-law.  We had a little Mexican fiesta, complete with margaritas.  Woot woot!  It was really nice to hang out with them because, between our schedules, we don’t see a lot of each other.  And it was nice to do something fun and relaxing.  Looking forward to more of that in the future!  Just gotta get moved, now!

So I’ve really been working hard with the dogs on their separation anxiety and overall anxiety.  I have been giving them bones, which, amazingly enough, Kizzie has not been burying!  That’s why I hadn’t been giving bones for so long, but it turns out that Kizzie has turned over a new leaf and is actually enjoying them  now, rather than letting them rot in the ground and then digging them up six months later, all disgusting and wormy.  Let’s just say that isn’t something you really want in your house.  Yuck!

My plans for today are to bring some boxes of stuff over to the new house, sort through a bunch of clothes and donate them (or at least get them in the car so I can drop them off tomorrow), and then vacuum the house I am living in now.  It has gotten pretty dirty.  Not disgusting, just lots of dirt and leaves and bamboo that the dogs have tracked in.  I am hopeful that it won’t be such a problem at the new house, because the area that will be fenced will be much more manageable to keep cleaned up and free of yard debris (much smaller).

My stress level has been slowly lowering over the past few days.  I know I had my little breakdown on Friday, but overall it has been better.  I had realized that I was only getting about six hours average of sleep over the past year (there’s a counter on my CPAP), and I had thought I was getting much more.  Now I am taking care to go to bed a little bit earlier and sleep in a little later.  I feel better already!!

Today is St. Ignatius Loyala’s feast day, so Dad and I are going to mass this evening to celebrate.  Dad says we can call him Iggy, since he was a Jesuit and I went to a Jesuit college.  Not so sure about that, but it will be nice to get back to church.  I have missed the last few weeks due to the hectic schedule of moving and I have really missed it.  Need to figure out here within the next month where I am going to RCIA classes.  There are a few more churches I want to check out, but my heart is already pretty set on one that I have already been to.  We shall see, though.

A tribute to QoB and Frog Queen:

Barenaked Ladies, If I Had $100,000,000

 

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One thought on “Cure for Self-Loathing

  1. Self loathing is a rough thing to deal with. It has your entire past to work with. It will also take something and put a totally different slant on it. Naturally it is one to its liking.

    Now I would not say that you’re a piece of shit. There are a lot of low lifes out there who fall into that camp. I have known some low life’s over the years and you are far from being one. A low life does not take care of their self. They use people. They will lie, and steal. Their lives go from scam to scam. You do not do any of that.

    I find your interest in Catholism interesting. In my back and forth notes with My Dear Queen, religion has never popped up. Faith can be a powerful healing tool. Take advantage of it.

    Pasha

    Like

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