I Sing Because I’m Free

It will be two weeks this Wednesday that my Grandma passed.  I feel like I am still dealing with the aftermath, but things get better every day.  I went back to Mass this past Sunday and it was really helpful.  I wish I had taken RCIA this past fall, but there’s always next year.  I guess I just wasn’t ready at the time.

My buddy, Pond Princess, has loaned me her rosary and I am learning to pray it.  I find it very soothing and like the prayers I am meditating on are being heard.  I just keep praying for God to make me willing, and to help me to turn things over to Him.  In some ways, I am very willing, in other ways, very willful.  It is a daily struggle to take things as they come, without trying to orchestrate my own life.  It’s all about letting go and floating.

I have been trying all I can do to use the skills that DBT has given me.  I am staying busy, and working constantly at turning my mind from the pain.  I accomplished a lot over the weekend, and that feels good.  I am also using sacred self and trying to take care of myself.  My sleep and eating has been out of whack, but I know that will settle down if I just get back into my routine.  It’s the getting there that’s the hard part.

Prayers for Pond Princess’ mom and more for my family, as it seems we keep going through the death and dying of our loved ones.  If you don’t pray, give some thought or light a candle for us.  My family and I feel loved and blessed by all of our friends, and I know that right now we are leaning hard on all of you.

Lauryn Hill and Tanya Blount, His Eyes are On the Sparrow

 

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One thought on “I Sing Because I’m Free

  1. Loved your post. My condolences on the transition of your Grandmother. Death is never easy and the grieving process is challenging. Sounds like you have great support though, which is key to acceptance and healing. I can relate to losing a loved one as my Uncle just passed away a week ago on January 12th. I also buried my Grandmother last January. She died at the end of 2010..December 30th. Losing a loved one around the holidays is particularly difficult and make future holidays even harder. Just be gentle with yourself. Practice loving self-care like you’re doing and get plenty of support and rest. Take a look at my recent post on Honoring your Loved ones. Keep journaling your feelings. You are on the right track, although it may not feel like at the moment.

    Like

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