Wow, it has been forever since I have posted! I guess I could say that I’ve been swept up in life. Good thing, right? Not so much wallowing in the agony or soaring too high above the clouds. Life has been steady, stable. I have had purpose, direction. After a terrible first part of 2012, things evened out around September and have become steadier still since then.
I miss blogging and I’m hoping I can come back to it with a different angle. Instead of putting the suffering out there, I’m hoping that I can catalogue the joy in the life that I have now. Probably makes for less interesting reading, but this blog has always been about me, telling it like it is, and hopefully I can continue with that.
Even though 2012 was a rough year, it may well have been the best year of my life in some regards. I met the love of my life in March and we are still together. DSB and I have built a real life together in a short time, and I am very pleased to say we will have been together one year on March 27th. He has stood by me through the worst, never failing, never leaving my side. He has loved me unconditionally and I can’t ask for anything more than what he has given me, because he has given me hope, life, happiness, everything. We have a life together that I cherish, even through the mundane…I am just so grateful beyond words for him.
QoB has, of course, been there for yet another year through numerous ups and downs, always standing just behind me, to give me a push back up when I need it. I truly think that without DSB and QoB, I would not have lasted this past year. As in, wouldn’t have made it through. Literally.
While I don’t consider myself an alcoholic by any means of the imagination (and don’t come close to meeting the DSM-IV criteria for substance abuse), there is no doubt that I have done my fair share of self-medicating over the years. Right around the first of April of 2012, I decided that I was done with alcohol. Just completely done with it. It messed with my meds, messed with my head, messed with my body. It bothered my sleep, and sleep is the one thing that can kill or save you with bipolar disorder. I started thinking of alcohol as a poison to my body, and that isn’t far from the truth, with the medication I was and am taking. So, I’ve been done for a little less than a year. It hasn’t been particularly difficult and I really don’t miss it. I can appreciate the clear-headedness that I feel today and the knowledge that I have accomplished something difficult.
My state has changed Medicaid so that it is managed privately. The insurance company that was chosen for me has been, thankfully, very compatible with my needs. Just today I began making arrangements for dental care, which I haven’t had access to for over a year. The thought of getting my teeth cleaned and getting those good ol’ xrays in makes me happy. I even feel a little giddy and a lot blessed that I am fortunate enough to live in a country where I do have decent access to medical care, even though I am on state insurance. I know this is not the case everywhere, and it also makes you think about people who work that do not have insurance or are underinsured. It sure seems unfair. I do not know much about “Obamacare,” but maybe it would be a good thing? I mean, the basic premise that every person in the US have decent access and good coverage for medical care makes sense to me. Can someone actually say that doesn’t make sense?