Ok, so this is probably all in my head, but I have taken all three daily doses of Ritalin for the past two days and I am feeling remarkably better. Remarkably better in that I feel clearer, more motivated, and less ick.
I should probably clarify that I am not on Ritalin for treatment of ADD. My doctor prescribed it while I was going through a severe depressive phase because all anti-depressants do is make me manic. Every time. When I think of how things were going pre-Ritalin and then how things were going after I had been on it for awhile, it really was a bit of a miracle drug for me. Of course, I’m a dumbass and i stopped taking it.
Hoping to get that clear, crisp, motivated, un-ick feeling back, as I said, I’ve started up the regimine again. I have been supremely motivated and have kicked much ass in the last 48 hours, on a domestic level. I am still feeling a bit iffy in my interactions with other people, but let’s be honest, that is a day-to-day struggle, Ritalin or not.
I blogged a few posts ago about bipolar people having goals and my thoughts on the topic. At the time, I talked only of very short-term goals, such as goals for the day. To be honest, I don’t make any goals longer than for the day. I think it’s habit. When not feeling well, it is super difficult to accompliish even the smallest task. It used to be that I would always set myself up for failure by coming up with unattainable goals, even when broken down into steps.
I’m going to try something new. I am going to set a few non-lofty goals for myself. Something beyond trying to make the daily goal of showering daily or keeping my kitchen clean. Because those two things don’t happen sometimes, or even rarely at times.
I just feel like, even though I am struggling with daily tasks, I shouldn’t hold myself back from something bigger until I can get those few tasks handled. I feel so inspired by some of the blogs I read, people who are passionate about art or education or love or fitness. I want that, too. I would be willing to bet that some of those bloggers also have difficulty keeping their kitchen spotless or showering every day or that they have some other daily task they struggle with. That isn’t holding them back and I am saying, starting right now, that I’m not going to let those little things hold me back from bigger goals.
I can so do this. And so can you.