Before I launch into what I really want to talk about, the sleeping medication did in fact help and I am sleeping again. No cycling for me…at least not at this point! It is, in fact, working so much better than my old sleeping pill, and I am not as groggy in the morning, that I might ask the good doctor if I can just switch. We shall see. I also think that taking Seroquel instead of Zyprexa would be a better bet to prevent weight gain. Any thoughts on that are appreciated.
Like any other person on the face of the Earth, I personally feel that I am sorely lacking in a number of categories. Some of these issues are not change-able right at the moment. I do work on eating less and being more active, because I am not at a healthy weight. I do try and smoke less and use less salt. These are all small things that I am doing. In one area, however, I am ready to totally re-invent myself.
I am a slob. My house is perpetually dirty and in chaos. DSB contributes to that, a great deal, in fact, and his dog sheds like a bandit. I am not blaming DSB and, in fact, am not even asking for him to help me with housework. I know that is a lost cause, for the most part. Here within the last week, we have agreed that I will take care of all matters inside the house and he will take care of all matters outside. I know I am getting the raw end of that deal, but it’s going to have to work for us, because that’s just how it’s going to be.
Within the past week, I have made a conscious effort to look at my surroundings and ask myself, “Self, can you keep living your life this way, or would it greatly decrease your anxiety if things were cleaner and more organized?” Well, Self says that it really would decrease my anxiety if things were different.
I started out working on Project Re-Invent on Friday. I purchased some cleaning items and steeled my will for things to be different. The weekends are a difficult time to get a lot done, but I have managed to completely clean both bathrooms and am very close to having the kitchen spotless.
When I mean I have cleaned these areas, I mean that I have went over every surface, every wall, every possible spot with Mean Green and a scrubber. I scrubbed my kitchen cabinets, the countertops, the stove, toilets, sinks, mirrors, the walls, everything. When I am done (if I am ever done), I think I will feel a great sense of accomplishment. In fact, I already do feel pretty good with what I have done so far, even if I haven’t had the time to work on it like I really wanted.
I have about two hours until I have to leave for therapy, and in that time I WILL get my kitchen completely done, I WILL take a shower, and I will get my diary card printed off.
Speaking of diary cards, I’m nixing group. I have a feeling my therapist is going to give me a rash of shit about it, but it, ultimately, is my decision. If she doesn’t feel that way, I’ll find a new therapist. That simple.