My momma, good ol’ QoB, left me a comment yesterday that said I probably feel like I’m flailing, but am not. This does feel a bit like a flail, but even more than that, a great attempt at restricting myself from flailing, if that makes any sense. Flailing, like willfulness, is sitting on your hands when something can be done. That is precisely what I have been doing for quite some time, and lemme tell ya, my hands have gone and went to sleep.
In a perfect world, my house would be clean by now, but I have other obligations that I must attend to. Number one, is not really an obligation, but more something I want to do, love to do, must do to stay sane. I must stay connected with DSB. We spent most of Sunday and Monday just hanging out and talking, but when it was time to get to work on other projects, we both did.
Even with the heat yesterday, DSB spent all day in the garage working on this and that. I went to work at 11:00am and didn’t get home until almost 5:00pm. And that’s ok. So, I didn’t get any cleaning done yesterday, and I probably won’t until I am off on Sunday, but i really am ok with that. I have the obligation to my parents to work three days a week, and that’s the least I can do for all they have done for me. I even like working there some days.
And it’s not like I’m not getting anything at all done when I am working or spending time with DSB. I manage to cook, keep the kitchen up, and have done three loads of laundry today. I am just not able to ATTACK things quite like I want to.
I did get all of my house plants outside and watered for the summer months. I am pretty excited about that and a few of them are already starting to look healthier for it. QoB bought me a knock-out rosebush and some sort of shrub to plant, which I am very excited about. The rosebush is to replace one that didn’t survive a transfer after it was rescued from a corner of my yard that DSB’s dog frequently marks. The bush, well, I’m not sure where that little guy will go yet, but I’m sure QoB has some idea. She also bought me a hanging pot of geraniums and they are proudly displayed outside my bathroom window.
I will be restricting the flail and forcing myself to go to the grocery store here either this evening or tomorrow afternoon. I am baking for Father’s Day presents (with some help from DSB) and have a few things to pick up for that, as well as some creamer because neither DSB or I can stand to drink it black, even if it has sugar in it. Blech!
QoB has picked out some cute new summer tops for me, so I have been stylin’ at the bait shop lately. I am almost through them, so it’s time for some laundry, which I am currently attacking. I did figure, however, that it would be important first to get some towels clean so one can shower. Another move to restrict the flail.
I can do things. I can do things that intimidate me or scare me or make me wanna run in the other direction. I can do laundry and buy groceries and cook and clean. I can do the small things in my life that make it run more smoothly and calm my anxiety. I can restrict the flail and will continue to do so, until it doesn’t seem like such a chore anymore.