I have had something going on every day this week, which is highly unusual. Usually, I will have at least one day where there is nothing scheduled, but this week has been different. And it’s not until you have a really busy week that you realize how much you need that one day.
My sister’s baby shower is this Saturday and I have been helping QoB amp up for it. We’ve cleaned house and made party favors, wrapped gifts and listened to a lot of Paul Simon. I have probably been less-than-stellar help because I am having problems recently with focusing, but I’d like to think I’m helping in some way, just by following orders and not freaking out.
The freakout came today, starting around 1:00 and still hasn’t quite ended. My problem is that, when my schedule starts getting busy, I stop doing the things that keep me sane. Like cleaning my kitchen, keeping the laundry going, blogging, reading, spending time with DSB. My kitchen being unclean probably drives me the most batty. And I think that trait is inherited.
I feel like I haven’t been at home at all this week, and have also had a rather upsetting time with my pup developing a huge hot-spot on her chest. Then there was the giving her a bath at 11:00pm last night, getting last-minute vet appointment, and generally feeling a lot of guilt for not giving her more baths and not paying better attention. I feel like crap about it.
And the last two nights I have barely slept. It’s almost like I drank a pot of coffee before I slipped under the covers. I’m not sure what the deal is, but all I can do is lay in bed and think of all the things I should and could be doing, or more specifically, the things I should have done during the day that I didn’t. I am wondering if I’m not having some sort of cycling issue here as of late. My sleep is messed up, my mood is up and down, I can’t focus, and my thoughts are racing. About a week ago I was having a lot of problems with anger and irritability but thankfully that has passed.
I think the issue is that, while I have had structure, I also haven’t had much quiet time to regroup. I’m also anxious about tomorrow’s baby shower, because I don’t see my sister much and I want it to go off well, and there will also be people there that I don’t care to see that I will have to deal with anyway. Social situations are extremely difficult for me, but it’s not like I’m going to miss the shower because of it. It is important to her and it is important to QoB, so I will be there and put my happy, polite face on.
I also set really high expectations of myself for NaBloPoMo, and don’t feel like I quite did it justice today, but at least I put something out there. Better planning for tomorrow, for sure. Today, I just needed to get this out there.