Am I Doing This Wrong?

And does it really matter?  I started this blog almost six years ago, because I read Dooce and I thought she was cool, and wouldn’t it be cool to put my life online so that I can look back at it and wonder at the choices I had made.  A short time later, it became as such that I used it as a tool to record the ups and downs of my bipolar disorder.  I could spot trends and patterns, and learn from myself.

I am still mostly doing this as a tool to  help myself spot trends and patterns, but what I’ve found since starting NaBloPoMo, is that I really enjoy JUST WRITING.  Not necessarily about my mental health or the day’s ups and downs.  Writing for the sake of writing.  Writing because I have a thought in my head that I itch to expand upon.  Writing because I want to get down in words just how a specific situation or person makes me feel.  To immortalize relationship nuances and happy times and key moments in my life.  You know, to write for writing’s sake.

As I said before, this blog is six years old.  That’s old for a blog!  I’ve given it up a time or two, but I’ve always come back.  Sometimes I’m not sure anyone is reading it, but my quote button at the top of the dashboard keeps turning from black to orange and telling me I have more followers.  The question is, does how many followers I have, or likes a post gets, or comments made really matter?

I think in a way it does, and in a way it doesn’t.  There’s a part of me that talks to other bloggers and hears wowza stats from them.  I don’t get wowza stats and I wonder sometimes why.  And when I ask myself, “Rose, are you doing this wrong?” I feel silly.  Because I’m not really doing it for anyone other than myself.  I think it’s cool if someone can relate, or it helps someone, but I’m mostly doing this to keep my head on straight and so I can express myself.

I’m going to keep on blogging, regardless, even if only my mom is reading.  Because, for the most part, I do it for me and to capture my thoughts and my world.  This is something that can’t be taken away from me easily.  This is something I will always have.  These words.  Six years worth of words, all my own creating.

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17 thoughts on “Am I Doing This Wrong?

  1. LOL… my beloved, yer doin’ it exactamente right. We write just.because.we.can.
    Doubtful that most excellent writers put pen to paper, as it were, to “be somebody” or have a “following” or think… hey, I’ll write, it’s easy, and I can make my living that way.

    You’ve written since old enough to put words to paper. Almost always from the heart. Amazing those ’round you since grade school and forward… those who really see a lot of kids’ written words. A lot.

    If anyone else enjoys or empathizes or learns something from your words… great. If not, ’twasn’t meant for more than yourself to begin with.

    What better goal, than to write for the sake of a burning desire to memorialize one’s thoughts, hopes, fears, dreams, desires?

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  2. No, it doesn’t. As we talked about earlier today, how much joy we get from this is what truly matters. I love my “stats” right now, but mostly in hopes of a future with my photographs. I love that you want to write for the sake of writing.

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  3. Six years is something of a record. You must have been among the first. I’m impressed.

    Do the numbers matter? Not if you have them, but it matters is you don’t. We need to be seen and read. The numbers are elusive, but you know when people are out there. The best part of WP is the responsiveness of the community. That matters. I think it matters to all of us.

    I’m glad I found you.

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    • I think I was among the first. You would think I would know more about the technical aspects of blogging after that length of time, wouldn’t you? LOL And no, I don’t have the numbers, but I agree it is nice to be seen and heard. I’m glad we found each other, Marilyn…your photography continues to amaze me.

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  4. hi Rose
    I’ve been reading your blog for about 4 years. I am always disappointed when there is a long gap, and wonder how things are going and whether you are having a particularly rough patch or possibly a particularly good patch! I’m not much of an internet participator, but I found your blog after googling a few things about DBT, as I work in a DBT programme in New Zealand. I really appreciate your willingness to share, and I hope you keep writing. And I love the Kiz pictures. Cheers, Vicki

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