I am not very happy with myself right now. I have had a small relapse in the quitting smoking realm. I find that the mornings are especially hard, when I am trying to wake up. I gave in to temptation this morning and have had a couple of cigarettes. I am trying to tell myself that a few cigarettes in 24 hour’s time is a big deal, and I need to give myself credit for that. Unfortunately, I know that relapsing is a big deal and I feel like a failure.
I don’t know why I did it, other than that the cigarettes were available. I think, had they not been, I would have pushed through it. That might be an excuse, but it’s what I’m working with right now. It is really hard for DSB to be smoking and me to be stopping. He has been going outside, but the cigarettes are STILL AROUND and it is driving me crazy.
I need to work on developing some healthy habits that not smoking can center around. I want to get out and take a walk, but my knee right now is keeping me from doing that. I am getting ready to do a bunch of dishes and clean up my kitchen, which is how I made it through last night, but how clean can you get a kitchen before you’re done?
On a somewhat-related note, DSB has agreed to do the floors, as long as I can get the kitchen spotless. That is a BFD in this household and, being as it is the chore I hate the most, a huge relief to me. All that talking I did yesterday, when I thought I was talking to a wall, obviously got through. I also think he was feeling guilty because he has done nothing but sit on his butt for the last several days.
I must say, I have had fun with NaBloPoMo, but I will be somewhat relieved when it is over. There have been days where I have really not felt like blogging, but did so anyway. Character building, right? That’s how I’m looking at it. So far, I haven’t missed a day and don’t intend to now. In honor of Thoughtful Tuesdays, I leave you with this:
RosieSmrtiePants 
I still have a “real” cig or two with my tea in the morning, but this my vaping, I have still cut my smoking down by a lot! You need to get a vapor pen. Even if you get a really low nicotine liquid, it will help you get through that initial morning need.
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I am thinking you are right on track, Kim. I talked with DSB about it, and it turns out the thing I was referring to that he had actually IS a vapor pen. I am going to give it a try during hard times. Thanks so much for your support, dear! (hugs!)
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It is VERY hard to quit quit when there are cigarettes available. My son was still smoking when I had to quit and it was very difficult. Eventually he quit too, but that’s the way it often is. It IS hard. Don’t think of it as a failure … just as an intermission. Don’t let it make you give up. Hang tough, my friend.
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I like that, Marilyn…an intermission. There’s no way in hell I’m giving up yet. I am determined to see it through this time. Enough is enough, ya know? I really appreciate your support!
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Stay strong girl! One day at time! 🙂
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You can do it!
NaBloPoMo has been pretty hard for me too. But what I’ve learnt is that even the posts that, as I hit “publish” on I think “gah that was a load of turds”, people actually like reading the turds just as much! In fact, some of my turdiest posts have been the most popular. So I guess I should stop trying so hard.
And I hear you about the kitchen cleaning…
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As you’ve heard me many times say… I try to never screw up more than three or four times a day. Perfection is fairly elusive, sez me. What matters is striving for it. Making a major lifestyle change involves a hella lot of practice.
Think of basketball…learning to get better and better at it, through practice. How many times did someone slip ’round ya while practicing box out? Did it make you stop and walk off? I remember. Do you?
How many times did you end up with spit drooling down your chest, until you learned to perfect Grandpa’s perfect spit? I remember. Do you?
How many times did you practice tying shoelaces with our beloved BirdWoman, never giving up even while yer younger sis was already tying her own? Did that make you a failure, or make you realize some folks have different skills than others? I’d choose the ability to easily empathize over fine motor skills any ol’ day of the week. That doesn’t mean we quit practicing until the hard stuff comes easy.
Instead of saying “I haven’t given up, YET.” How about trying the mindset of “I haven’t quite perfected not smoking, YET.” Positive attitude, willpower, and box out. XOXO
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