I am not very happy with myself right now. I have had a small relapse in the quitting smoking realm. I find that the mornings are especially hard, when I am trying to wake up. I gave in to temptation this morning and have had a couple of cigarettes. I am trying to tell myself that a few cigarettes in 24 hour’s time is a big deal, and I need to give myself credit for that. Unfortunately, I know that relapsing is a big deal and I feel like a failure.
I don’t know why I did it, other than that the cigarettes were available. I think, had they not been, I would have pushed through it. That might be an excuse, but it’s what I’m working with right now. It is really hard for DSB to be smoking and me to be stopping. He has been going outside, but the cigarettes are STILL AROUND and it is driving me crazy.
I need to work on developing some healthy habits that not smoking can center around. I want to get out and take a walk, but my knee right now is keeping me from doing that. I am getting ready to do a bunch of dishes and clean up my kitchen, which is how I made it through last night, but how clean can you get a kitchen before you’re done?
On a somewhat-related note, DSB has agreed to do the floors, as long as I can get the kitchen spotless. That is a BFD in this household and, being as it is the chore I hate the most, a huge relief to me. All that talking I did yesterday, when I thought I was talking to a wall, obviously got through. I also think he was feeling guilty because he has done nothing but sit on his butt for the last several days.
I must say, I have had fun with NaBloPoMo, but I will be somewhat relieved when it is over. There have been days where I have really not felt like blogging, but did so anyway. Character building, right? That’s how I’m looking at it. So far, I haven’t missed a day and don’t intend to now. In honor of Thoughtful Tuesdays, I leave you with this: