Less Pressure, But Still Obsessed

Wellpers, as  you all know, NaBloPoMo is over.  When I first started, I kinda thought, after the dust had cleared, that I’d take a long blogging break.  What I didn’t realize is how ADDICTIVE writing and reading other posts and making new bloggie friends would be.  Putting my thoughts on paper every day gives me a great way to track how I’m doing and to see where I need to modify my behavior, for better or worse, to come out smellin’ like roses.

Thanksgiving week was pure hell (and it’s not over, because I don’t count Sunday as the first day of the week), and I think most of that had to do with DSB’s refusal (up to the bitter end) of Thanksgiving festivities, and the fact that I had just quit smoking.  And I have learned a lot about both of those things here within the past week.

What I have learned about DSB’s refusal of Thanksgiving is that he genuinely doesn’t like attending.  He doesn’t like all the people and he doesn’t like the family dynamic.  Even my fairly “normal” family (as in, we generally get along) bothered him, although it is altogether possible that some people were being bigger assholes than usual.  It’s the hormones, the lack of nicotine, the protectiveness…it’s all of that and it’s ugly when you throw it in the mixing bowl and stir.

I’m not sure if DSB will “do” Christmas yet or not.  I hope he does, because it means a lot to me, and selfishly so, I hope he would just sacrifice and go anyway.  Good gawd that sounds terrible, but it’s what I wish for and no one said what I wish for had to be nice.  What I truly wish is that DSB could get caught up in the beauty of the season and forget all that little petty BS.

Now let’s take the quitting smoking.  It has been rough and bumpy, but is overall going quite well.  Yes, I have slipped a few times and had a cigarette, so my quit hasn’t been perfect, but I still think that’s pretty good.  I’ve gone from smoking three packs a day down to maybe 1.25 cigarettes a day, and some days none.  I think I have to give myself props for that even though there are a lot of naysayers out there.

And to them, I really just want to say, “Eff you.”  Because seriously, you have no idea how  hard this is.  You have no idea what I am going through right now and I hope you never have to wean yourself off what is perhaps the most powerfully addictive substance on the planet.  Studies indicate nicotine is more powerful than heroin, crack, and meth.  And how many people succeed in getting off those things?  Not tons, folks.

So, what I ask of those people, is to cut me a little slack.  Be extra kind to me.  Go out of your way to avoid me if you can’t say something nice and encouraging.  Even the most well-meaning people can be complete dicks when it comes to something like this.  Don’t tell me I’m not doing this right when you can’t even manage to quit your Oreo cookie habit.  Don’t tell me I’m not doing this right when you can’t even manage to go a day without drinking.  And don’t tell me I’m not doing this right if you haven’t done it before.

Well, now that I’m all wound up, I think I’ll go throw some dishes around and hope they shatter on the floor.  Now THAT would be good stress relief (if only DSB would clean up the mess).  😀

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9 thoughts on “Less Pressure, But Still Obsessed

  1. Why listen to the naysayers anyway? I am still smoking analogs and vaping…eventually I will be just vaping, but it’s really no ones business what I do, or what you do! I’m sure most of the people who have opinions about it are non-smokers lol!

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  2. Oh, and I think that vaping is a great way to quit gradually. I know..I have so far cut my smoking by HALF, and that is huge! I don’t give a …well, you know what anyone thinks.

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    • We do a little Christmas celebration of our own on Christmas day morning. Just the two of us, he makes breakfast, I scarf it down, we exchange gifts, spend QT. Now that is a good time and it doesn’t seem to bother him.

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  3. Blogging can get ‘addictive’ in a way. Before you know it, you follow more blogs than you can keep up with. I had to reign in my time spent reading posts because it was really cutting into my writing time. I try to visit a blog at least weekly since that’s the frequency with which I post, but even that can get challenging.

    Thanks for visiting my site. I appreciate it. 🙂

    And congrats on making a dent in your smoking. I wish you luck with quitting. I can only imagine how difficult it must be.

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  4. Props to you! You’re doing great! I have never been a smoker, but I have heard the same thing, that it is one of the toughest addictions of all to quit. But you are showing that you can do it, and I bet in a lot of ways the hardest part is behind you. Please don’t let the naysayers get you down.

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