Reconsider That Scowl

It has been a long day.  While I haven’t been doing exactly manual labor all day, I have been on my feet and moving around about 1000% more than normal.  That’s not an exaggeration, because I usually am up and mobile about 10% of the time on a normal day.  You do the math, because I never was any good at it.

As my “workday” drew to a close, my brain was abuzz.  Thinking about going to the grocery store, picking up my mom’s birthday present, making dinner, seeing DSB for practically the first time that day.  Just random stuff.

After picking my car up for an extremely overdue oil change (thanks to the Q0B for priscillitating that one), I sped over to a very small IGA in a not-very-good part of town to purchase a few items.  As it happens sometimes, I miscounted while shopping and ended up at the register slightly short in the 0l’ pocketbook.  So, my groceries took a tiny little bite out of the money I had set aside for QoB’s birthday present.

And this really stressed me out.  Looking back, it really shouldn’t have, because it was only three dollars and change, but I really do live life pinching the penny.  Ya know, because I have to!  As it turns out, I still have enough to get my mom the gift I had originally intended, so all is well.

Driving back home, thru town, I found myself getting a little road rage-y.  People riding my butt while I go the legal limit through a school zone, motorists obviously intoxicated going 5mph in a 40 that I can’t get around, hoodlums stepping out in front of my car and running across the street (holding their pants up with one hand the whole way).  I could go on, but you get the picture.  By the time I got home, my eyes were nearly crossed and my shoulders were tense with anxious frustration.

On some other day, I would have went in to see DSB and have possibly been short or grouchy or bitchy or whatever you want to call it.  Today, I made a deliberate and conscious decision to be pleasant.  And I was.

I didn’t complain when the dogs needed water or the garbage can needed retrieved (literally) out of the middle of the street.  We sat in my favorite room and had quite delightful and entertaining conversation for about an hour, and then I got dinner started.  I told DSB I needed to catch up on emails and would bring him dinner when it was ready.

And all was good.  There was no fighting, no arguing, no un-comfortableness (I can’t believe that’s a word).  It was just us, being how we are, and blocking out the fatigue and the stress that the day had brought.

Once, I made plans to do something (I don’t even remember what now) that would bring me home around 6:00pm.  When I told DSB, he said he was disappointed.  He said that his favorite time of day was the end, around 4:00 or 5:00, when we would sit and talk about our day.  And then one of us would make dinner and we would go sit in our recliners and watch TV.  Maybe eat a little fruit or popcorn for a snack later.

Those were the best times for DSB.  And I hadn’t realized it until recently.  My best times are in the morning, where we’re dreaming and scheming about what the day and the month and the year will bring.  The day is unblemished and we are the only two people that matter.  That’s it for me.  And, if I think about it, DSB always goes well out of his way to make it special for me.  Well out of his way.

And so I decided I needed to do the same for DSB.  Make his favorite time of day together into something pleasant and special.  I have to be really careful with this, because I lot of the time when I come home, I am anxious and wound-up and tired.  But today I started what will be my daily gift to DSB.  I will make his evening special, put on a nice dinner, tell him funny stories about my day, and avoid all of the negativity.

We are in this together, DSB and I.  We have our moments when things aren’t going well or when I fall apart.  We have our differences and our struggles.  But deep down, we love each other immensely and we are both good at showing that to the other.  It really is the small things that make up a great relationship, and if you can leave that external stress and, frankly, bullshit at the front door, your relationship will be all the better for it.

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7 thoughts on “Reconsider That Scowl

  1. Hi Rosie, looks like you had a great day with your DSB.Appreciate your time together.Enjoy all the goodtimes.All relationships have ups and downs.Ivehad Bipolar for almost 20 years.For me it has been very difficult to maintain a romantic.relationship.It is very difficult to find someone who will understand your Ups and Downs.I enjoy reading your Blogs because I see a lot of you in me
    ALL MY BEST, Scott

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    • Thanks for stopping by, Scott. I have been terrible with romantic relationships for most of my life, but DSB has been extremely kind, caring, and patient. I have learned a lot about who I should be in a relationship by taking his lead. I think above all, it’s really about honesty, both with the other person and yourself. The rest of it can be worked out.

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  2. Word UP, mija… scowls get ya not so far. One gives, one receives. One usually gets about what gives. Scowls beget scowls. Smiles beget smiles. Good for you, to understand that provenance of the human equation we call “relationship.” XOXO

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  3. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. We all have good days and bad. Sometimes I think people forget you can go through rough times but work through problems — still in love, still supporting each other.A lot of married couples give up far too easily. Good for you!

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    • Thanks, Marilyn! Isn’t that the truth? I don’t think there’s gonna be any giving up, not at this point. We have made it through a couple really rough years and hopefully our luck and health and mental health will keep improving. 😀

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