What Six Years Taught Me About My Past

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Six years ago today (according to my WordPress QuoteBox thingie), I registered RosieSmrtiePants as my very first (and hopefully only) blog.  I didn’t know the exact date, but I knew it was creeping up.  So, blogging since 2008.  What’s that like?

Well, it’s really pretty anticlimactic.  I would like to sit down at some point and read RosieSmrtiePants telling it like it is for the last 400+ posts.  I’m trying to decide at this point, however, if that would be a joyful experience, or if it would just dredge up old crap that is better left un-dredged.

Yes, I do use my blog as a way to go back in time and see what worked and what didn’t, to remind myself of certain things, and I would like to think there is something to be learned in every single blog entry, but let’s be honest here…I’m scared.  My past used to be a big, huge scary thing that loomed behind me, kind of like a big bloated cloud loaded with acid rain, that I would look over my shoulder at, and run even faster toward whatever my goal-of-the-moment was.

It’s not like that anymore, exactly, mostly due to the passage of time, skills used, productive therapy sessions, and the support of my A-team.  But it’s still scary.  It just doesn’t loom anymore.  It’s on the ground, not up high, getting ready to topple down on me.  It’s smaller and more manageable, but still kinda scary, maybe sort of like a mildly rabid squirrel or a slow-moving zombie.  Ya know, it’s not a real threat, but it still kind of gives you the heebie jeebies.  It’s like that.

But still, this blog is a tool.  Whether or not I choose to look back, I think I’m going to put off that decision for now.  There are actually a lot of big decisions that I’m going to just ride out for now.  I’m gonna concentrate on more in-my-face issues like quitting smoking and being a new auntie and getting back into DBT again.  Because right now, here in this moment, those are the things that make me  happy and healthy, mentally and physically.  Isn’t that what life’s all about?

 

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14 thoughts on “What Six Years Taught Me About My Past

  1. My tumblr blog turned seven this year, that was a crazy milestone to reach, but I’ve never blogged regularly anywhere for more than a year or two. I always get freaked out about people reading and delete the blog – that’s why I’m going anonymous this time around. And good for you for doing what’s best for you, and because I’m lazy and don’t want to go back to your last post – Good for you for getting through today without smoking. You’ll quit when you’re ready and not a moment before. Stay tough, chica.

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    • Anonymous can be the way to go. I pretend I’m anonymous, but I’d be pretty easy to find if one was so inclined. Rose really IS my real name. 😀 The quitting smoking has become easier in the last couple of days. I’ve decided to do it for the right reasons and ignore the “bad reasons” that were keeping me from staying quit. It is what it is. Thanks as always for your support, Janie!

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  2. Happy Birthday! My blog was also born in 2008, but I took extended leave for awhile. I recently went back and read through all my old posts and it was a good experience to see how far I’ve come. I hope when/if you do decide to go back and read your old posts that you find it a rewarding experience.

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    • Thanks, Bradley! I wish I had cake or cupcakes or something we could all celebrate with. 😀 I am glad to hear it was a good experience to read all of your old posts. I’m just not sure if I can handle it or not, but we shall see. I’ll keep ya posted. 😀

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  3. Happy Blogiversary! What a great description of scary things in the past that we want to stay away from…”mildly rabid squirrels and slow moving zombies!” Here’s hoping that you will be able to love all of your words and all of your experiences. There are lessons in all of them and your blog is a great example of appreciating it all. Good and Bad. Keep up the quitting smoking and your other goals! You can do it!

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  4. I get what you’re saying, entirely. I will often look back over my blog at times I know were more difficult, but more to remind myself of how far I’ve really come. We’re an awful lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

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