We have to face both new and old situations with a different perspective than what might have been our first. My first instinct is to lie, and it comes from years of doing so. With DSB, I had to learn NOT to lie. To be transparent. Even about the small, silly shit. Our relationship has grown from it, but every not and again the old Rosa will creep up and tell a fib. For no reason. The new Rosa has to atone for that sin, has to come clean and be forgiven. You can’t approach every situation the same as you have treated others every day of your life.
As with my lying, I feel I am making up for the errors and sins of my past, here, now, in every moment that I breathe and speak. I want this life to be worth living, because I only have one. I believe in God, and I believe in his forgiveness. I believe that if I pray and do right, one life really will be enough.
I have posted before that God gives you more than you can handle. What you do in that case is reach out to everyone you know, so you can keep holding on. So you can learn. So you can grow. I believe I am strong enough to live through the hardships that have come upon me. Through many difficult times, I have persevered. I will continue to do so. I have my faith, my family, my DSB. I will persevere.
Time changes all things. I wish my Grandpa and the Bird Lady were still around to meet DSB and know the happiness I have found, after so many years of grief. I have to believe that they DO see it, that they are looking down. I don’t think you ever have to FORGET what’s gone, but depending on how traumatic or painful, that might be preferable. More than likely though, you can use it as a driving force toward accomplishing the next great thing that is in your life’s plan.
Following is DSB and mine’s “song.” We played it incessantly when we first got together, and he told me it is how he truly feels about me. There’s talk about waiting for the moment to be right, but always being there. He is feeling a little better today, so we were able to talk more. Like the photo above, I look forward to what is to come.