Ten Things of Thankful, Sixth Edition

You know when you’re feeling bad, it’s kinda hard to identify the positives in your life?  I always enjoy TToT, but I’m having difficulty pinpointing what exactly it is I am thankful for right at the moment.  Sure, there’s things I’m thankful for.  I know there are.  It’s just that this part of my brain is fuzzy at the moment.  I’m gonna give ‘er a go, though.  You should, too.  Just write the damn list already, and then link up over at Considerings.  You’ll be glad  you did, once you get it all out on paper.  I know I always feel better.

1) I am thankful for my new-found brother, Rock.  My family has adopted all 21 years of him and he has truly been a lifesaver during this hard time.  I blogged more about him yesterday, but I think he needs to be numero uno on this week’s TToT, because having him around has made things just a little easier.

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2)  Of course, the next shout out goes to my parents, QoB and the Big Dawg.  I am thankful for them every week, but they have been especially kind and gentle and loving with me over the past several days.  I have seen a wealth of understanding and compassion, especially in the Big Dawg, that I didn’t know ran so deeply.  I don’t know what I expected, but they are coming through just like they always have.  I don’t know why I expected any less, possibly because I feel like the most foolish, biggest pile of dog poo, and that I would possibly to be blamed for stuff that has happened, but that’s not how it is.

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3) I am thankful I have four people by my side who are helping  me take care of the practical details that have come up in this whole mess.  The Big Dawg especially is taking charge, getting my lawnmower fixed and when that failed, bringing his own mower over to mow.  Getting rid of the boat.  Dad helping me take all of DSB’s medical supplies to the hospital to be donated so I’m not swimming in cardboard boxes.  Mom feeding me and raking and burning leaves.  Rock helping out with yardwork.  Mom’s promise to help me get my house in order and revamp a couple of rooms.  Without them, it is all so overwhelming.  With help though, it can be done and I believe that.

 

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4) I am exceptionally grateful to all the wonderful blogs I read for keeping me entertained over the past couple of days.  I love them all, but find two especially inspiring, positive, and full of light.  Cynthia Reyes fills her blog with beautiful  homes, renovation projects she is following, lovely pictures of her garden, and just a little bit of magic.  I thank her for inspiring me to keep going when the world is getting to me, and I know I can always take refuge in one of her posts.  The other blog, written by my friend Marilyn Armstrong, can always be counted on to have several posts a day, containing anything from historical anecdotes to amazing photos to funny insights to rants about important things, like the lack of plug-ins in her home to the trend of not including user manuals in electronics purchases.  I hold Marilyn’s blog in high esteem, not only because her written word and photos are lovely, but because she remains so positive in the face of so many difficult challenges.  Marilyn and Cynthia are both beautiful people, wonderful bloggers, and if you haven’t already, you should go check them out.  I promise you won’t be disappointed.

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Cynthia’s memoir. It has received amazing reviews and I just downloaded it to my Kindle. I have no doubt that it will be fabulous.

 

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Marilyn’s memoir that I HAVE read and loved, loved, loved. It changed the way I was currently looking at spirituality dramatically. Definitely worth a read.

 

5)  I am grateful for rededicating myself to taking better care of the Kizz.  I have always shown her a a lot of attention, but Rascal (Mr. Neurotic) always wound up taking center stage.  Mom bought her a honking armadillo toy and hooked her up with some new treats (that DSB would not allow…didn’t believe in bones or rawhide) and also a new leash and collar.  She is looking snazzy and seems to be very content to be the only dog again.  I am getting her groomed next Friday (which DSB always discouraged for some reason) and have her up to date on shots as of yesterday.  Kizz has been with me through thick and thin and deserves to be first, instead of playing second fiddle to another pup.  She doesn’t even really seem to miss DSB or Rascal, but seems rather happy to be ruling the roost again.  Oh, and without Rascal here, there is none of the constant barking from her.  She peeks through the fence at the neighbor with interest, but no barking.  Hmmph!  What a good dog, and DSB always said how she wasn’t very well behaved or smart.  Wrong!

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6) I am grateful that I am going to be able to change my eating habits dramatically.  When you live with someone who likes fatty, rich food and mostly refuses to eat vegetables, you become limited in what you cook.  When you live with someone who eats everything in sight as soon as it is purchased, you stop buying certain things because it’s like throwing money down the toilet.  I am looking forward to more fish, more soup, occasional ice cream, 2% milk, soy and almond milk, cereal, fresh fruit and veggies, and being able to keep my pantry and fridge stocked.  If I ever have to eat biscuits and gravy again in the near future, I may puke.  Actually, no more gravy period for quite some time.

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7) I am thankful there will be no more whining or complaining about how much time I spend blogging or looking at other blogs or emailing.  Talk about jealousy.  I can do as I please, in my own home again.  I can have soup for dinner and ramen noodles for breakfast, if I feel like it.  I can keep my house cleaner.  I don’t have to ask for permission to do things.  I could go on and on with the things I am grateful for that I will be able to do now, and just can’t  help but kicking myself that I didn’t figure all this out sooner.

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8) I am thankful that the anxiety monster seems to have passed with the leaving of DSB.  So much stress and anxiety tied up into that relationship — totally unreal.  It has been two days since I have taken a Klonopin, and in those two days, I didn’t even really think about needing one.  There is so much less tension, so much more laughter, and almost nothing to worry about.  I attribute that to my awesome Team ‘o Four (Big Dawg, QoB, Rock, and Dad) for helping me to simplify, solve problems, and make life easier.  I know I already listed being thankful for them above, but they are all a post in and of themselves.  Love you guys!

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9) I am thankful for having a good, great, awesome therapist.  I sent her a list, a four-page list at that, last night about all the things that were better  now that DSB and I aren’t together.  Not only did she read it on her day off, she responded.  And told me she’d always want to read anything I sent.  She reads my blog.  I feel like she is very invested in my mental health and, most importantly, like she genuinely cares about how I am doing and feeling.  I don’t think it’s often that you find a therapist that gets you like that, but we’ve had a lot of practice together.  I’ve seen her for the past nine years pretty much solid (other than a year spent fiddling with mental health center therapists) and then she was also my therapist for a couple of years when I was 16.  She is amazing, totally deserving of her Goddess of Mindfulness status, and I hope she  knows how much she helps me.  I wouldn’t be where I am today without her support and guidance.

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10) I am thankful for the outpouring of support over the last week.  It is amazing to me how many people commented, wishing me well, offering advice, sharing their story, saying a prayer for me.  A lot of people came out of the woodwork, because I was having a rough time, and I can’t say thank you enough for that.  It has meant the world to me to know I have so much support out here on the Interwebs.  I appreciate the reading, the liking, the commenting, the emails.  Everything.  You have all touched me deeply and I am immensely grateful.

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29 thoughts on “Ten Things of Thankful, Sixth Edition

  1. Well HELLO from Hot & Dusty Arizona!

    I just love your blog! Been a peeker & reader for a while, and think this is an awesome post! I went and read a little of “Lizzi’s” blog to, and I’m going to join in the 10 Thankful!! I really could relate to Lizzi’s “about page”….I’ll ponder my 10 things, and thanks for sharing the idea. Keep On Blogging!
    God Bless,
    *Catherine* 🙂 🙂

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    • Oh man, was I glad I did it, too. Talk about being in a space where everything was pissing me off and I was seeing no good in anyone other than perhaps my dog! Once I started writing, though, it just flowed and I realized that I have much more to be thankful for than I allow myself to realize!

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  2. Glad to see you here (at the TToT)… that thing about doing a list whether or the items are in the front of your mind or not, I can identify with… the “…Just write the damn list already, lol
    I like the line (and the sentiment).
    good to have support and people who have your back… and dogs (they are very excellent lifeforms).

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    • Hey, Clark! Yes, I love TToT! And I totally believe that…just write the damn list already! So many more people could be benefiting from this link-up — it always gives me such a good feeling, and I can look back on past entries and get the warm fuzzies all over again! Really appreciate you stopping by! 😀

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  3. Please, no kicking yourself for not realizing things sooner! Live and learn, right? Be kind to yourself and enjoy your new-found freedom and the supportive family around you.

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    • I’m trying to embrace the live and learn philosophy. My brain gets stuck elsewhere sometimes. I am doing a lot of things now that I haven’t been “allowed” to do for quite some time, and it’s been great. Thank you so much for stopping by!

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  4. And you didn’t think you could come up with a list of thankfuls? How wrong you were! Your support system is worth ten thankfuls alone! I hope this week sees you feeling stronger and more positive. And Kizz is so cute! Bet he loves the honking armadillo!

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    • I know, but I really didn’t think I’d be able to come up with the list. Feeling so crabby about it, but then once I started going it was a breeze. And Kizz does love her armadillo…she brings it with her everywhere!

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  5. Well then, I guess this break-up has at least brought new perspective and a lessening in anxieties, worries, and a lot more freedom. Silver linings, girl – you LIVE THEM! 😀 And definitely have noodles for breakfast. Or cake (I had cake for breakfast, with my friend, because her Dad died, and I didn’t really know what else to do, but it seemed to work well).

    I’m glad your family are pulling round you. That’s awesome to have such a strong support network 🙂

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    • Thanks for coming by Liz! This breakup has definitely been a good thing. And I did have noodles for breakfast this morning. In defiance!! LOL

      Yes, I have great family, mental health team, and friends. I truly think they are why I am still standing upright.

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  6. I have SO many things to say, I have to limit myself from rattling on too much. First and foremost, THANK YOU. It’s great knowing that I’ve actually managed to help someone. It makes the whole blogging thing have meaning.

    I don’t think you were having anxiety issues, just in a horrible relationship. Drugs weren’t helping because (trumpets and drum roll) — You can’t medicate REAL PROBLEMS. Medication won’t make real world problems go away, though sometimes they can make you go away temporarily.

    You’ve come an amazingly long way in a short time. When you no longer feel bludgeoned, you’ll be fine. In time. Like me, you need to heal. And you will. We both will.

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    • Your blogging does have meaning for a lot of people, Marilyn. Especially for me, but a lot for many other people, too.

      And you’re right, the anxiety issues are gone now that DSB is gone. I never thought of it that way, though, that medications can’t help real problems. Makes sense, though!

      We’re both tough, we will heal, and then we’ll be back to kicking ass like there’s no tomorrow. 😀

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  7. Nice to meet you, Rosie.
    You seem to be surrounded by wonderful people, and I like your #6 best. My eating habit did change drastically about a year ago, and I have never been sick in bed since then.
    Have a great week.

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    • Thanks, Romi! I do hope to be able to make the eating habits change smoothly and ASAP. Next trip to the grocery store will include lots of veggies and fruits!

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  8. This may sound a little odd but your writing feels that much lighter even when you talk about the difficult things it still feel less bound or constrained and I imagine you must feel as well. So good to really meet you and read your words. Take care. Jenni

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    • That’s not odd, I think that’s wonderful to feel. I must say, yes, I do feel an extreme sense of RELIEF that it’s over and that is probably crossing into my writing voice. I appreciate you taking notice, because I hadn’t, but now I see it.

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      • There’s a relaxed feel even to the intense parts. As if you don’t have to hurriedly get this down without anyone noticing what you were doing. That was the underlying ‘fraught’ feel to some of your older posts.

        I can now see where some of those where you discussed your mental health were really more about someone telling you that you had more problems that you really did at the time, hence the uncertainty about medication, diagnosis etc.

        So I’m sorry to not have picked up on what that meant and to have assumed it was a case of ‘mood’ elevation or lowering etc and not an outside force picking at you.

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        • Jenni, you leave the best comments and I am sorry I always come up with such a slow and uninspired (at times) response. You are right, right, and right. Your comments really make my day…I want you to know that!

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          • Take your time – I’m balancing reading comment on my posts, reading other peoples posts and then writing my own. I really understand that it takes time to get around to doing all the things you want to get done. Jenni

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            • I think you do the balancing thing much better than I, Jennie. And I don’t feel like my comments or comment responses are usually very good. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say, so I click on the like so the person will at least know I’ve been there and read it!

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