I have been rather annoyed with myself this past week, for not blogging more.  I told myself that it was okay, that I was taking time out to do things that would improve my mental health and lessen the loss of DSB.  I told myself that starting new routines was what I needed to do in order to move on with my life, and, in some ways, that is true.  In some ways, it isn’t.

Not being on a structured schedule, where I have to be home at a certain time, get dinner on the table by a certain time, spend a certain number of hours at home, and so forth — that’s not structure I need, and it’s structure that I’ve kissed goodbye.

I realized that I have really no reason to wake up at 6:00 a.m. every day, or even 7:00 a.m. for that matter.  I therefore do not have to go to bed at 8:00 p.m. or 9:00 p.m.  What this means is that I can stay out (yes, OUT!) later, enjoying the company of my family, nuclear and extended.  It also means that I can stay up until 10:00 p.m. to watch a tv show or watch a movie.  It means that I can go to bed at 10:00 p.m. and it’s ok to  read for another hour or two, if I’m really into my book.

I mainly feel like, before I had all of these contstraints on me and on my time, and now those heavy chains have been unlocked and I have shed them, leaving them far behind.  Doing what I want to do, unfettered by anyone else’s agenda, is lovely.  Being where I want to be, eating what I want to eat, driving where I want to drive.  It’s all quite freeing.

In some ways, I feel like I’m a bit free-floating, and could possibly use some more structure, but I just feel so HAPPY with the way things are going right now, that maybe that part of me that has always held such tight control over having a schedule and having things PLANNED out, is releasing it’s grip a bit.

Regina asks, “if I kissed you where it’s sore, would you feel better, would you feel anything at all?”  The answer is, yes, I have actually already been kissed (by family, by freedom, by living life, by my pup!) where it is sore, and I do feel much, much better.



10 thoughts on “Better

  1. You are now free to be a single adult who doesn’t answer to anyone but herself 🙂 Who knows? You might sleep even later and stay up past midnight to watch a movie! You might even do it in the company of friends! I’m so thrilled for you. A whole world for you to explore. The possibilities are endless.


  2. I’m very happy to read that you are allowing yourself to enjoy your new found freedom. You deserve it. There will likely come a time that you are going to want more structure back in your day, but for now just keep spreading those wings.


  3. Ah… the fine balance bipolarity (is that a word) and the need for structure creates in one’s staying sane routine. Ahem… why, yes, yes there’s a vast difference between “staying on schedule” and being on a Nurse Ratchett routine. 😉 As always, mija, balance is key. to remember, again, the difference.

    One of the hardest things a parent learns is, as the child grows a kiss cannot always make it all better. Having said that… a kiss may not always make it better right away, but it Shirley causes no harm and has lasting effects. Sez Madre. 😀


    • There it is. Bipolarity. Totally a word. And I know, I am needing to get back to “staying on schedule” to a degree. All of this socializing is wearing me out!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s