Fed Up


I’m done.  All the hacking, the shortness of breath (with any slight movement, even with just sitting), the money gone down the toilet, the h0rrible smell.  I’m just done.

The past several nights, I have woken up coughing, and not been able to stop or to catch my breath.  It’s scary stuff, feeling like you are sucking air from a straw.  Getting lightheaded.  Almost throwing up because you’re coughing so hard.  Each night I swear them off, and then pick one up in the morning, which only leads to more hacking.

This isn’t normal.  My lungs were not MADE for smoking.  Hell, no one’s are, but mine especially are sensitive and, while I had cut way back the last time I started after a quit (in February or March), I’m back up to almost three packs a day.  That’s just not acceptable.  I can’t afford it financially and I can’t afford the things it is doing to my health.

I really did pretty well with quitting this last adventure.  What brought me back to it was cigarettes being plentiful around the  house and a DSB who saw nothing wrong with continuing to blow smoke inside the house while I was trying my damndest to quit.  Well, now he’s not here, so I think I can be successful.

I’m going to use the patch and lozenges.  It seems to really work for me.  I start (or stop, rather) in the morning.  I’m going to wake up, have a smoke or two, and then slap a patch on and call it a done deal.  I know it will be hard, but I have a lot of support.

So, when ya wake up in the morning, send some good juju my way.  I’ll probably need it!

This is MY song right now.  I’ve quit DSB, alcohol, coffee, and cigarettes (as of tomorrow, with the cigarettes).  And I’m still blue, like Michelle, but I’m sure I’ll get over that with some TLC.




16 thoughts on “Fed Up

  1. Have you tried that stuff you get from the doctor? I don’t remember the name of it, but most insurance covers it and I’m told by people who I know have quit (including my son) that it works. Worth a try, don’t you think?


    • It is contraindicated in people with a mental illness, otherwise, yes, I would have considered it. I just don’t want to take chances with my mental health at this point.


  2. You’re going to rock this! Just take it day by day (or hour…or minute). I am glad you have a plan in place to taper off too. 🙂 ❤


  3. Both my parents quit about a month ago. My Mom says it is the most difficult obstacle she has ever encountered. She sometimes has to call my Dad and talk through not stopping at a store to buy a pack. She has trouble seeing drivers with cigarettes. The whole thing has been beyond challenging. She has been smoking for about twenty five years.
    She says now the cough and the congestion are gone. The withdrawal seems to be a little easier. She feels better without them. If she can do it, you can too! Good luck to you! 🙂


  4. Sending good thoughts your way. Please don’t be hard on yourself for having trouble quitting. You’ll find what works for you. I quite April 1st after 40 years using an ecig, and quit in 3 days. Did my research, and, after my daughter and her SO, as well as my stepson all quit with ‘vaping’, as the young ones say, I gave it a try. It wasn’t easy, but the ecig gives you the sensation, feel, hand pacifier of smoking as well as nicotine. Down to the low amount of nicotine after 2 month.

    You can do this!!! 🙂


    • Thanks for the encouraging words, Summer! I’ve tried the ecig ting and could never get the hang of it. I’ve done pretty well with patches and lozenges before, so I’m gonna give ‘er another go. Thanks for the well wishes!


  5. Holy hell girl, 3 packs??? No wonder you feel like shit! 😦

    I’ve always been able to quit cold turkey when I’ve done it, but at my worst I was only up to a pack a day. Part of what helped me is that I’ve never been able to smoke inside the place I was living or inside my work place. This time of year in this part of the country, standing outside in the blistering heat is super motivating for me to not smoke as much.

    Good luck, you can do this. ❤


    • I know…3 packs is totally ridiculous!

      See, I smoke inside no matter the season, so that has never been an issue. I hope I can just guts it up and do it. I have one cig left and then I am (hopefully) done for good. Thanks for your support, Mama!


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