The Blurry Selfie

Effects-Rose-2A

Yep, WordPress, there’s me.  All fuzzified, but, still me.  I wanted to take a new picture, because I hadn’t had one in three years and all of my FB pictures had me with super-short hair.  I wanted to show off my big long hair.  This fuzzified one doesn’t do it justice, but you start to get the point.

Imagine my surprise when I post this picture on FB and automatically get a harsh reply, “Errrrmmmm, where’s ur makeup?”  Okay, it wasn’t hard enough for me to put it up there, and now my best friend from high school (who is also an Avon rep) points out that, gee, you NEED makeup.  She made me feel so stupid.  And ugly.

And the thing is, I let her.  I let her make me feel stupid and ugly (and of course, fat, because ugly and fat go hand in hand) and undesirable.  I let her make me feel like I needed makeup to be pretty, when I know better.  I do like to wear makeup, yes, but I don’t wear it all the time.  I don’t have to wear it to feel pretty.  But I let her make me feel ashamed, for not being more of a woman, a girly girl.

I think what this photo really shows is a person, trying to put herself out there.  Trying really hard, because it doesn’t come easy.  Trying even harder to overcome the feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem and the feeling like she really isn’t pretty.  Not at 32 years old.

The truth of the matter, is this person doesn’t NEED makeup.  Maybe a little mascara for those blonde eyelashes, maybe a touch of eyeshadow, of blush.  But that would be about it.  This person isn’t in need of foundation and concealer and powder and all the face paint.  This person doesn’t think it looks good on ANYONE.

So there are a few blemishes here and there, and those eyes would really POP with a tiny bit of makeup, but there’s nothing wrong with the picture above.  That woman is lovely, inside and out, and it is a damn shame that she lets others make her feel differently.

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31 thoughts on “The Blurry Selfie

  1. The person in the picture is beautiful and sure, she may play with makeup for the fun of it, but she doesn’t need it. Period.

    The only person who looked ugly and stupid is the person who made the comment. I don’t care if she invented mascara and saves a baby seal every time someone buys some, she had no right to say that. At all. If I had been there, I would have said “not everyone needs it” to quiet her down. However, if it had been said to me, I know I would have done the same thing you did, because I do it every damn time. So I get it.

    Good for you for reposting it here, and speaking up about yourself with confidence. Now we can see how beautiful you are on the outside, to match what we already knew about the inside. ((hugs))

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    • Thanks, Sheena! I think looking back now, I could have posted a higher-quality picture WITHOUT makeup, and she might not have said anything. I don’t know.

      What I do know is that the whole episode, bad picture or not, made me feel like I was letting someone else push my buttons, and I effing hate that. I effing hate letting someone make me feel bad. After reflection, I don’t think she did it on purpose. I think, like many people have said, that she is trying to sell her product. I also know that she posted on my FB wall that she wanted to see a picture of my “beautiful” face and “I don’t care if you’re wearing makeup.” So maybe I took it wrong, I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t want to feel that way again, like someone can make me feel a certain way about myself.

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  2. There you are! I expect your friend was just touting for business! I’ve been a rep for a couple things that get sold at parties, or by catalogue, over the years like Avon, and we’re always taught to never miss an opportunity to try and make a sale! So her harshness was probably more about seizing a potential business opportunity than an actual sleight on you!

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  3. She should have written you a private note. But, as stated above, she was probably trolling for business. I doubt it was meant the way you took it.

    Makeup. Hmm. I do own some. I think I wore some last September. I suppose if I was sitting for a formal portrait, I’d wear makeup. But not for a selfie taken in the bathroom mirror. Too much like work.

    Mainly, next time, try without glasses. The flash reflects on eyeglasses which is a problem from a purely technical standpoint. I can’t see squat without my glasses, but I figure that’s what auto-focus is for.

    Photography has nothing to do with beauty, inner or outer. Cameras are mechanical and electronic tools. They capture pixels. Good or bad, they aren’t a commentary on who or what your are. People talk a lot of rubbish sometimes. You don’t have to buy into it.

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    • Yes, next time I will take some tips and not wear glasses and wear a bit of makeup and put myself in good light and use a better camera. I just really wanted to get this out there, for reasons I can’t even explain — just tired of being faceless, I think.

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      • I get that. But using a really awful picture is not what you want to do. You want to present yourself in an attractive way because EVERYONE wants to look nice. Be patient. Someone in your family must have a decent camera and will, if you ask nice, take a few pictures of you. Then pick a good one and send it to me and I’ll do my best to fix it. I always touch up my own and Garry’s pictures. I do it for friends, too. BECAUSE WE ALL WANT TO LOOK NICE. Really!

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  4. You look awesome…she’s just selling product in a very thoughtless way. That’s her issue and narrow focus. Keep on inspiring people!

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  5. If you like this ‘friend’ you should mention to her how you feel. As you have said and others it sounds like she is trying to get business. Normally I would say dump her as a friend but it sounds like you’ve been best friends for a reason, so there is history there that I don’t know – but I know I have been known to say some pretty stupid things to my friends before and they’ve called me on it and I was like 😯 Oh no! That’s not what I meant at all!

    Thank you for sharing, I do know how difficult it is, it is great to see you! 😀

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    • I already called the friend on it and she has apologized and basically said that was not what she meant. We have been friends a really long time, so I’m going to just pass it off. My point was more that I didn’t want to let another person make me feel bad about myself.

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  6. I’m going to play devil’s advocate here.

    I do not photograph well. I know this both as subject and photographer. That is not a good picture. Not good? Right. Low pixel count. Crappy lens. Unflattering. Out of focus. Bad angle. Poor lighting.

    The picture isn’t YOU.

    I would never use an unflattering picture of myself as an avatar and you shouldn’t either. This is the INTERNET. No one is looking into your lovely eyes to see your soul. ALL they see is a picture. When I take unflattering pictures, I DELETE THEM.

    To make this big a deal out of someone suggesting the picture is unflattering is … well … sorry. It’s ridiculous. It ISN’T an attractive picture. I couldn’t even tell what color your hair is and I had it on my screen in Photoshop. She was probably trying to tell what I also tried to tell you. It’s not a good picture of you. You need to start with a better, more attractive image. Taken from a better angle. From a little further back. Without glasses. And yes, maybe with a bit of makeup because cameras tend to make everyone look pasty-faced. It’s not personal. It’s OPTICS.

    At the very least, how about in focus? Or close to in focus?

    If you want to see how unattractive anyone can be made to look, take a peak at the the paparazzi photographs of movie stars in a tabloid. They make starlets look like tree stumps. No one can see your soul in a photograph. It’s just a bunch of pixels on a computer monitor. NOT you.

    No one is doing you a favor by playing to your anger. You shouldn’t BE angry. If you’re going to explode like this, no one will tell you the truth because you’ll just blast them flat.

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  7. I agree with everything you said in the comment you just posted. I shouldn’t have tried to use it. And then I was just making a point, but I didn’t think the point would be taken so seriously and that people would be so angry FOR me. I’m really not angry. Angry at myself, maybe, for letting someone make me feel bad about myself, which was pretty much what I was going with — I hate when I let people make me feel bad about myself and I let it happen far too often. I will work on getting a decent photo I can use as an avatar and then I will ship it off to you so you can work a little magic. It’s something I keep meaning to do and then don’t. I think I’m a little chicken. (no new pictures of self in 2+ years, selfie-or-otherwise…I’d say so!).

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  8. OMG!!!!!! she was just expressing how she felt about letting a comment bother her so much!
    I know how that feels and I have a difficult time seeing myself in any picture, but I do it- for my kids and grandchild- they love me the way I am. Not some fake fixed up version!
    I wish people (friends or not) would back off and let others feel and express what they want!
    I just reread the comments and I think one commenter didn’t quite get the message- who cares what the pic looks like- the big thing is the courage it took to put it out there!!!!!
    Good job Rosie!

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    • Thanks for your comment, Gayle! Really appreciate input. This blog post kind of blew up into epic proportions and people got mad FOR me. I had never experienced that before. And you’re right, the freedom for self-expression is all too often suppressed by the people who who are supposedly friends and family.

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  9. Oh what?! You don’t need makeup what is that woman on about?!
    You should feel happy that you’re not trapped in the thought that you are obliged to look a certain way just because the media says so. You are free, Rosie!

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