Sadness Moving On

After my visit with the Great Uncle G yesterday, I really felt like I could get back on top of things.  I even went out in the evening and had dinner with mom and the Big Dawg.  I had a good time, the food was excellent, the company even better.  I came home, did a little Internet chatting, watched two episodes of “Scandal” and then went to bed.  At that point, I was still feeling very positive.

I had a good night’s sleep last night so I woke up thinking today would be pretty good.  I came out to my computer, where I always go to wake up.  Drank a glass of water, took morning meds, petted the Kizz Wizz.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  I checked my email, no big surprises there.  I checked my comments from yesterday and also checked on responses to posts I commented on yesterday.  It was an ordinary morning, just like any morning.  I could have been getting ready to go to work for as fine as I felt.

And then I opened FB.  Right there on my home feed, was a very large photo of my old English teacher from middle school, along with words underneath indicating her life accomplishments.  Because, well, she had died.

You know, I knew that yesterday and I pretty much blocked it out.  I was feeling too good to let it get to me, but today, vulnerable from just waking up, it was too much.  I scanned more of FB and it was just more drama, more hate, more kids sick with cancer, soldiers wounded in action and suffering, people hurting other people.  Why do people post shit like that?  What does it really accomplish?

So I shut FB off.  I was kinda trying to hang around to catch a friend of mine, but I couldn’t take it anymore.  I just hung my head and cried.  Cried like a big baby, because the world isn’t fair, people aren’t fair OR nice, and there is a website that just wraps all of that up into one package and drops it on your doorstep.  What is the fucking point of that?

And then a song comes on my Pandora that takes me back to that time in middle school, when I was a student of the teacher who had passed away.  She was an English teacher.  She was so patient with me.  She believed in me, praised me for my writing.  More tears.  Just hanging my head and crying.

I guess it’s going to be a crying kind of day, because I cried while I looked at pictures of my nephew, cried when I think back to the screwed up DSB situation, cried when I thought about how I haven’t been a very good therapy participant because I haven’t sent diary cards in two days, cried because my medication was wrong for so long, just cried, cried, cried.

My instinct is to go back to bed, try and start this day over.  Before all of this silly and random crying started, I had things I wanted to do today.  Things I need to do today.  And I do still need to do those things.  And I really am ok.  Just overly emotional today.

Tears don’t mean something is broken.  Tears are just sadness and sometimes joy, spilling over.  You don’t need to worry that I am crying or that today hasn’t been a very good day so far.  This is just another day in the life of the Rosa, and, as always, it does get better.

tears

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18 thoughts on “Sadness Moving On

    • I think a lot of it is that, which is why I am so upset that I got them all messed up to begin with. Take something that is precariously yet perfectly balanced, and start messing with it…not smart.

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      • Yeah. Meds are so tricky. Mess them up and it can royally mess up your thinking. It’s almost like quitting energy drinks (almost). Keep working it through it though, you’re doing great. You’ll get back to that balance. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Sorry to hear about your teacher. There’s no shame in being sad about that. I often find that one thing like that can set the tone for an entire day.

    Also, I, too, get irritated by some of the stuff people post on Facebook.

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    • Yes, it definitely has set the tone for the entire day. Need to just focus on getting through to tomorrow, because today has surely sucked. And if it weren’t for a few people on FB, I’d be so done with that site.

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  2. I’m sorry to hear about your teacher. I bet wherever she is now she is proud of you because look at the amazing way you can express yourself through your words and the English language. Tomorrow is another day, here’s hoping it is a better one for you x

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  3. I am sorry for all of the sadness and grieving you are going through., seemingly all at once. 😦 understandably this had a huge impact on you, so don’t be ashamed or let down by your feelings now.

    Sometimes days like this just happen. I know that sounds trite, but they can. Here’s hoping you are doing what you can to relax this evening and take care of yourself as best you can.

    Sending ((hugs)) and virtual ice cream.

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    • Thanks, Sheena. I just feel like I am overreacting somehow, but I just can’t shake the sadness. I’ve been trying all day, and the tears just keep coming. I am going to try and watch some mindless TV tonight and just forget about the rest of the world for awhile if I can.

      Thanks for the ice cream…Blue Bell Mint Choco Chip? From Walgreens? On sale? 🙂 Sure do love you girl! 🙂

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  4. You’ve been through some pretty tough times lately, Rose. The tears are not only okay, they are to be expected. Hell, I cry at sappy commercials, so don’t worry about your reaction to someone who meant so much to you.

    As for FB, I’ve grown tired of all the crap too. Especially the political stuff. I’m not closing my account, but I’m going to be much more selective regarding what I devote my time to reading.

    Big hugs to you, my friend

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bradley, I think I may be in denial that I have been going through any tough times. Sometimes I see it as that I am just weak and get myself in stupid situations and that I have no reason to cry and go on about things. I really appreciate your comments, my friend, and am sorry I am so tardy in replying to this one. ((hugs!))

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  5. Oh sweetie, I hope by the time I’m posting this that you’re feeling a little less teary. But don’t fret the tears, they happen. I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your former teacher. Losing anyone we care about is hard.

    I’ve been getting fed up and beyond with FB lately, too. I’ve started going through and unfollowing things and turning of feeds from people who aren’t posting the sorts of things I really want to hear about. I’m doing my best to surround myself with positivity, encouragement, and love.

    I know you’ve got my cell number, I hope you know you can text me any time you need me. Love ya.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Madre sez Facebook is soooo a cesspool of wasted time. If one uses it to keep track of an individual one is truly interested in but disconnected from, then good. From my standpoint, when interested in another’s life, one is already engaged. Otherwise, it becomes an ugly reunion of WTF.

    I look at folks with a bajillion “friends” on their FB account. Really? One cannot keep up with that, unless truly interested in what the individual is up to. After deleting my first FB account, I’ve never grown to more than thirtysome “friends.” And most of it… well, just keeping up with those I care for. Otherwise, it becomes social media… highly overrated.

    That’s my take, at least for today. Don’t pet the sweaty schtuff. 😉 …XOXO

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