True to Self

Disappointment

Being true to who we are, being who we are, may be difficult if we are concerned that our true selves will disappoint another person.  In the past, I spent quite a bit of time weaving tales so that those around me wouldn’t see who I truly was, and be disappointed.

We know what is expected of us from a young age, or at least a certain amount of us do.  We know the basics, the “norms” of our family and culture.  We, to a degree, know what our parents expect from us, even perhaps those things they won’t readily admit to expecting.  Behaviors and events and reactions paint a picture, and often it is all too clear just what that parent expects.

And as our world moves away from our nuclear unit, perhaps even our culture, we begin to see what “society” expects, what relationships expect, what our boss, our roommate, our out-of-town boyfriends expect.

I learned early into my venture, that what I wanted was simply not possible.  The life I wanted to lead, not possible, living with out-of-control bipolar disorder.  And I did a lot of crazy things, made a lot of bad decisions, but always told a lie that did not coincide with who I was at the core to spare the disappointment of people I loved.

Not, that is to say, that they didn’t see right through me.  Here we are over ten years later, and sometimes, when I start to get sick, I start telling those lies again, or I stay silent.  And often, when I am just in a space of feeling bad, which can last for days or can be intermittent throughout the day like a dying lightbulb, I am likely to gloss it over and not talk about what is bothering me.  “I’m fine!”

I tell fewer lies about the real truth of myself now, than I ever have.  I think I’m becoming more comfortable with me, but I think also, that I am beginning to learn that I can’t compromise who I am for the comfort of someone I care about.  I may disappoint, I may hurt, but I am me.

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16 thoughts on “True to Self

  1. It is often better to not volunteer personal information and/or avoid answering personal questions. You don’t have have to bare your soul to anyone or everyone. It is your right to tell as much about yourself as you find comfortable. No one, other than your shrink, is entitled to the truth. You don’t owe it to anyone to expose things that you find uncomfortable. It’s okay to say “I’d rather not discuss that right now. Maybe some other time,” or simply “That’s none of your business.” You have a right to privacy and to keep your own counsel.

    The truth has the advantage of being easy to remember. But your truth belongs to you. Tell it or not, but you don’t OWE the world your soul on a platter.

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    • Within this blog post, I was talking about not lying to the people I care about most. Not lying to them about the things that might make them feel disappointed, these people I care about most. Not the whole world. I lied for too many years, left and right, to my parents, my sister, and I’m just not willing to do it anymore.

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      • I never lie, but I do sometimes refuse to discuss things. It’s situation-dependent. There are people who are not ready to handle the truth. But that’s the thing, you know? You OWN your truth. You can give it to whomever you want. You can withhold information too. It belongs to you and it is YOUR choice. You don’t need permission from anyone but yourself. It’s good to know you don’t OWE the whole truth to just anyone. You have the right to privacy.

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          • Whatever wisdom I’ve gained is the direct result of having made every possible mistake myself. I have learned everything the hard way. I hope occasionally to help others NOT make the same mistakes … but most people are determined to do their own thing regardless. They are entitled to that freedom, though I hurt for them knowing what they are going to put themselves through.

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  2. I see a lot of growth in this post, Rose. I use to lie left and right. If someone called me on it, I would justify the lies by telling them I like to embellish every now and then.

    Be true to yourself. As for all the others, be true to them as much as you feel comfortable.

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    • I was the same way. Lots of “embellishing” going on, right right. 🙂

      I agree, on being true to myself, and, if circumstance allows, to the right person.

      Thank you, friend!

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  3. You know what? The people who love you, the people who matter to you, won’t be disappointed or upset when you give them your truth. 🙂
    Being true to yourself isn’t always easy. But it is worth it.
    So much has changed for you in recent times, and you are coming through it as a stronger woman. Go girl!

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    • Thanks girl! I do feel like I am kinda walking out of a cloudy space, and this is one of the first “good” insights to happen. Being true to self isn’t easy, but I’d rather do that than lie my ass off all the time. 🙂

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  4. Yet another great quote for thought. ….”it doesn’t interest me if the story you’re telling is true.” As you point out, those who know you well already know whether it’s truth that comes from you. Perhaps it’s instead an attempt to convince yourself the other version is truth; otherwise, why bother to attempt the non-truth? And attempting to convince oneself of a distortion is usually not conducive to good mental hygiene anyway. 😉

    “disappointment of another to be true to self….” Hmmmm… what makes ya so sure ’tis a disappointment to another? My belief is that when one fabricates instead of looking at truth, or attempting to be someone one is not, mostly hurts oneself… not others.

    Attempting to be, or appearing to be, or convincing oneself they are meeting another’s idea of who they should be only end up harming the “you.” Not the other.

    We don’t always get to choose the truth of the moment. All we can do is attempt to stay true to self. Not to what anyone else believes is best, but what one knows at heart is best for self. The rest is just not conducive to anything other than a lie to self… not a good way to stay grounded and whole.

    Great thoughts from ya Rosa… keep it up. …XOXO

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