Those Who Suffer Around Us

I have really been rolling around in the muck, feeling all sorts of sorry for myself. I can and anyone could  easily get caught up in the stifling desperation, lose all sense of reality and what is real and fair in the world.  Simple enough, you can be oblivious to the world around you, and the people in it — some who are going through their own private hell right now.

Depression makes you appear selfish to others.  It keeps you from loving fully, pass by quickly you whisper to loved and strangers alike as it can render you unable to speak or to even be in the presence of others..  Your ability to naturally happen upon the feeling of compassion for others is nonexistent, thanks to the fact that you just do not see those people.  They are standing there, but if you are depressed enough you can sit or stand or lie very still, and you will not glimpse even a shadow of the people quietly (and at times desperately) living their lives around you.

When you are deep, sunk into depression, you are not as helpful to others; in fact, making contact can be like creating a physical wound, sometimes shallow and able to be ignored, and other times the contact makes your heart stop.  And start.  And stop.  And start.

My mom and stepdad are in the middle of a divorce now.  I have moved past the stage of trying to fix it, to trying not to internalize all of the muck.  My mom and stepdad, especially my stepdad, are the ones I think of when I wrote the above.  So many emotions, most very strong, a whirlwind that can secret you away if you don’t pay close enough attention.


I spent today with QoB and it was nice.  She cooked and I played Dee-jay  and she danced around the kitchen just like it was old times.  We talked about many different things and I spent a lot of time being silent, as did she.  We have always been like that, since forever and a day, able to sit near each other for long periods of time in comfortable silence.

 

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10 thoughts on “Those Who Suffer Around Us

  1. I’ve been down myself lately. I think the depression that typically follow heart surgery is catching up with me — but I’ll be okay. Just need some time to feel my own feelings and not trying to be happy so other people won’t worry about me.

    You sound pretty coherent to me. You sound like you are beginning to dig out. Good for you.

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    • Sorry to hear that you are feeling down… it is so good be able to know that you really WILL be ok, and what you need to do. And I hear ya about trying to be happy so others don’t worry. Jeez…I think it makes you feel a lot worse sometimes.

      You are right, I think I am walking back into the light again. Slowly, but surely. ((hugs))

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    • Many ((hugs)) back to you — this is a lesson I have learned from a lot of coaching by you and QoB, and little bit of hands-on experience. I think I am getting better at it! l)

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  2. Great advice! Putting others first helps put our issues in perspective. It does not remove depression but allows us to operate at times outside our own dark orbit. Kudos to you! I believe work (being attentively busy) and attention to others mollifies my own inner dragons.

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  3. I think the fact that you’re so self aware of your issues and how you can make them better, makes you strides ahead of a lot of people with the same issues as you. I wish my mum could get to the same stage as you and be aware of the things that happen, and not internalise everything.
    As others have said, we’re all right here behind you, no matter how thick the muck gets!

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