As in many years, perhaps every year since I realized I was not going to “beat” the mental illnesses I live with, or even “ignore them into in in-existence,” I spent 2014 “taking care:” Taking care means a variety of things. It means I slip-slide from preventing symptoms to managing symptoms to minimizing symptoms to just white-knuckling it.
Taking care, for me, means staying on a time schedule, making sure days are structured, taking medications, attending doctor’s appointment after appointment, keeping up with my physical and emotional health, setting good boundaries, and many other things.
It often means sacrificing what I really *want* to do for what I *must* in order to stay well. This was especially true when I was younger, as in I couldn’t (without extreme consequences) go out and party all night or drink excessively (without mood shifts and worse).
I have tasted the freedom and joy and peace, however briefly, that comes with a period of markedly fewer symptoms. If you have lived a life of hell, and are then introduced to a world where the ground is steady under your feet, you will do whatever possible to keep that state going. That being said, I am highly motivated to do what it takes to find evenness in life, to find a balance, and to sort out the rest of the world when I get there..