Crackling Like a Live Wire

You may or may not have noticed, but I dropped out of Reverb.  The prompts were good, the prompts were fine, but there is just so much daily bull shit going on right now that I feel I can barely keep my head above water.

The divorce seems to get more painful and exhausting for my mom as time wears on.  I am doing my best not to get in the middle and they are doing a. good job of not putting me there, but its hard to see her so defeated.  She won’t let me around her, in fact, when she is upset, so I spend a lot of time getting avoided.  I get it, really do.  That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.

My anxiety has been sky high the last several weeks.  It decreased for awhile, but is now back in full force.  I am still not smoking or using lozenges or the patch, and have decided to try and address my problems with binge eating.  I had thought of doing weight loss surgery, but with the habits I have, it would just be dangerous.  My thought is, work on the problem behavior with the thought that maybe someday I can do the surgery.  What I really want, though, is to lose weight in any way possible so that I can stop being that fat girl and move on with my life.

I have a friend I am trying to get back in touch with.  I have been thinking about it a lot lately and went ahead and tried to make contact today.  It was a bit of an awkward situation on my end when we stopped (inadvertently almost) atlking to each other last, and I am hoping that he can look past that and we can be friends again.

Promises that this blog will move onto bigger and better things in the near future — it only seems like there is a lot of bellyaching going on about petty little stuff.  Yep, I know…. I’m sick of it, too.

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4 thoughts on “Crackling Like a Live Wire

  1. You are in a very anxiety-provoking situation, so yeah, you are anxious. ANYONE would be, given all the variables. I don’t think you are crazy — you’re just going through a very rough patch.

    I had the surgery. So did my DIL and MANY people I know. With a capable (responsible) surgeon, it really improves your life. Permanently. It is a real fix. You should at least talk it over with a physician. Because past a certain point, dieting just doesn’t work. We all get to the point where we’ve been on so many diets, our metabolism has been beaten to death and you have to eat almost nothing to lose any weight at all … and it comes back in a flash.

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  2. I understand. I get where you are – just with different circumstances. Blog whatever you want, we are here to “listen” and be supportive. Life isn’t always easy. ((Hugs))

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