There are three reasons I am coping today:
1) Coffee
2) LarBear
3) Kizzie
4) Lucy
Okay, so liquid brainpower, my boyfriend, and my two dogs are the only reasons that I am hanging onto a shred of sanity. A very tenuous hold on the shred of sanity, I might add.
I have been up, up, up in the clouds lately. Feeling like nothing could go wrong, like my world is in perfect order, like bipolar disorder had taken a vacation and left me with something that I laughingly call “recovery.” My friends, there is just no such thing. One does not “recover” from a severe and persistent mental illness. One battles it on a day-to-day basis, one does not graduate into a life where there are no symptoms.
At least, that’s what I believe. Today has been really rough. There has been a lack of sleep thing going on for the past, hmmm, several months, and it is catching up with me. I spent the entire day in tears, had to cancel all of my appointments, and, in general, I was forced into hibernation.
Right now, it’s been three minutes since the tears stopped, and they are starting back again, now that I am thinking about them again. I refuse to let today ruin the progress that I have made lately, and I choose to believe that tomorrow might be a better day. One day full of crying does not an episode make. Of that, I am living proof
So, I will do what I know to do. I will blog and I will journal and pet my dogs and ignore my phone and watch some trashy TV and read my book.
I will wake up in the morning and things will be all right again, I won’t be crying, and I can resume my precarious journey through this recovery thing that I don’t really believe exists, but that maybe one day I might believe in a little, if I just keep trying.
I think good coffee, each other and our dogs are the reasons Garry and I keep going. That’s a perfectly normal and reasonable set of priorities. Sounds just fine to me!
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Yes, I think you are right! I have had several cups of coffee today, and it just keeps getting better with each cup! 🙂
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Very well said, Rosie. Your perspective is so accurate and misunderstood by so many. “One does not “recover” from a severe and persistent mental illness. One battles it on a day-to-day basis, one does not graduate into a life where there are no symptoms.” The key for sufferers is to not let the inevitability and unpredictability get them down as a permanent state of being. And like you also wrote, “I will wake up in the morning and things will be all right again,….;” this seems to be a helpful attitude for you, which is wonderful. I wish you well.
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Exactly, exactly, exactly! Thank you so much for stopping by and really *getting it*…it happens more rarely than you might imagine. Thank you for coming by!
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I know you will keep trying, Rosa. You always do. I also know it’s a tough battle, but I see you trying. “I choose to believe that tomorrow might be a better day. One day full of crying does not an episode make. Of that, I am living proof.” My best wishes.
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I feel like, if I do nothing else, I must at least try. Everyone is capable of *at least* that much. And today is a much better day, so no episode here (thank goodness!). 🙂
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Yes… just a bad day, not a bad life. Thanks for the reminder. I believe we have to work at feeling good every day – some days it come easily and naturally and other days it is a struggle. I hope today is a better day for you.
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Its so important to stay in the moment and not condemn an entire life for the mishaps of a few moments. Important, but so hard to do!
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Very well said!
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A temporary retreat does not a surrender make. ❤
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Love that! ❤
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I’m sorry you had a bad day. This damn illness!!!! It would be GREAT if we could make it go away. I’m glad you had a break from it for awhile, you will have more good times. Take care of yourself, friend. 🙂
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Yes, ready for my next break, please!!!
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oh, crashing is the worst. I hope a day is all you have to endure and that tomorrow will be better! Prayers and thoughts are with you.
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Thank you, SuperMommy!
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I’m so far behind on my blog reading and I’m playing catch up right now so I’ll know more as I progress through my inbox how you’re doing, but at the risk of sounding like one of those people we want to hit when they say this to us, sometimes a little sleep, like even an hour nap makes the whole difference ~ducks to avoid shoe being thrown at my head~ 🙂
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Shoe totally thrown, Sandra. LOL No, seriously, I do know that, but you also know that part of it where I don’t really wanna. 🙂
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