A Splash of Reality, An Explanation of Sorts

I last wrote a few days ago about the immense changes I have undergone with respect to my person, over the last few years.  It was a sunny post and a hopeful post, with nary a mention of even a minute of negative head space.

That afternoon, I read an article about “Myths of Disability,” which didn’t faze me too much, but I was stunned by what I read in the comment section. I always feel possessed to at least glance through the comment section of everything I read.  I’m uncertain why, especially when there is often such rampant negativity, ignorance, and misunderstanding.

(On a side note, it always makes me feel a bit better about the general positive trend of the comments section of my own blog and *most* of my blog friends)

What I gleaned from this particular comments section, is that there are people out there (how many, I’m not sure) who believe that people who live with disability are “less than” and therefore “deserve less than” and also are (!!) “mostly scamming the system.”

As I was reading these comments, I was thinking back to positive blog posts I have written, where the sun has been peeking out of thunderheads that had been gathered for weeks, months, years, and I wondered to myself, if I post something positive, do people presume that I am “cured” or in some way, “without problems?”

In other words, am I giving off the impression that all is perfect and life is full of sunshine and unicorns and glitter, and that it will stay that way forever and ever?  I certainly hope not.  What I am attempting to get across is that, in anyone’s life, there is good and bad, but that you can change your reaction to and perception of events so that it is less harmful to your emotional well-being.  DBT skills have taught me (and continue to teach me) how to do that, how to change my reaction and perception of events, people, feelings, circumstances.

What I celebrate in positive posts is the MOMENT, and I celebrate the current moment for being increasingly positive, because I know that the next moment or the following moment or next Thursday or in November or in 2017 that there WILL be down times.  I will fall, stumble, flail, be unable/unwilling to pick myself up at *some* point, and at that point, I will start the process all over again.

I fully accept and understand that my life will always be tinged by mental illness, but that I have learned how to pick myself up and carry on as best I can, also fully knowing and accepting that I will have to repeat that cycle of life over and over and over until I am buried and gone.  Do I do myself some sort of disservice during times of fewer symptoms to celebrate, to write obsessively and glowingly about how good life feels in this moment, here, today, now?

I really don’t think so, because when hard times hit (and they will, eventually), I can look back at these positive entries and they do give me hope, tiny little bits of hope that my situation and mood and circumstance and flight pattern WILL change, yet again, and again, and again.  I will be reinventing myself over and over for the rest of my life, in some sort of haunted synchronicity with the chemical ups and downs of mental illness, and that might sound yucky, but that is my life, and I choose to love it.  In this moment.

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17 thoughts on “A Splash of Reality, An Explanation of Sorts

  1. Well said, Rose. As someone who spent years trying to hide my disability, I now just live my life. That, as you know from reading An Honest House, means making the most of what’s good, trying my best to manage the bad, and eking out joy wherever I can.

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  2. Those people … you wonder what tune they’ll sing when they are older or when/if something happens to them or someone they love. I watched this process with my DIL as she went from “you’re making it all up” to “why doesn’t anyone understand the pain I’m in” and wishing I were the kind of person who could just stick my tongue out and say “Nyeh nyeh you bitch.” I couldn’t. Didn’t. But oh how I wanted to.

    The are many non-empathetic people walking around pretending to be real human beings. They are missing a piece. If it isn’t their own personal pain, it’s not real. Oh, right. There’s a word for this. SOCIOPATHS. They aren’t all murderers. Some are just “those people.”

    The best we can do is ignore them.

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  3. I love this post, Rosie girl! =) =) I am thinking of your little bits of hope as being sparkle glitter, and them sticking to you, Larbear, and the pup… =) =) Grinning madly now, thanks for the happiness! =)

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    • And that’s just the truth — what we are doing when we fall is what matters, AND that we get back up! Thank you for your kind words, and I will keep on keeping on (and you, too!) 🙂

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  4. A wonderful post, well said. The people who write in the comments section of big articles are trolls. In a way their ignorance is a disability in itself, right? I personally feel sorry for them. It must be exhausting to carry around so much negative energy all the time.

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    • Thank you, Charlotte! So lovely to “see” you! 🙂 I totally agree with what you say, ignorance being a disability in itself. Imagine lugging that load with you at all times…thanks, not for me!

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  5. Be true to yourself and know all your experiences will teach you more about yourself, weaknesses and strengths, and give you more tenacity. Sharing your feelings and writing is part of healing, for you and others. The more we talk and share, the more we realize we are not alone. Be resilient and confident in knowing you have an inside window on life, a way to empathize and be compassionate, that not everyone is lucky enough to have. I like to think of it as a superpower that gives me insight and protects me from being taken over by negativity and hate. The power of understanding!

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