Avoiding Self-Sabotaging Behaviors in the Mindfield of Current Happiness

Things are good, y’all.  I mean, really, really good.  LarBear and I are all moved into a really nice new (to us) home, things are organized, tons of junk and clutter has been purged, it looks good, hell, it even smells good.  There is nothing I don’t absolutely love about this new house.

And other things are good, too.  I started a mini dose of an antidepressant two weeks ago, and have had no manic symptoms.  I am slowly weaning off another medication that my psychiatrist believes is leading to my mysterious weight gain.

Things are going great with LarBear, have actually never been better.  I am in the most stable and healthy romantic relationship of my life.  We are a team and we lean on each other and we care for each other and we just make each others’ lives so incredibly much better than they ever have been.

I haven’t heard word one from my ex-step-father or any of his side of the family, and I am superbly grateful for that, and believe that has also gone a long way in minimizing my anxiety and stress level.  Getting rid of all that toxic negativity, it just did me such good.

So really, the problem is that there ARE no problems.  I went to therapy this week, and the first thing my therapist asked me, was what was I going to do to not sabotage the happiness I am finding?  Because that is what I do, it is what I have always done.  Happiness or contentment or joy have always been so fleeting for me, and it is always me chasing them off my own porch with a broom.

The answer to that question lies in many things.  First of all, how am I going to KNOW that I am sabotaging my happiness?  Well, I can spout out a short little list of things from just today that I have done to sabotage my happiness that range from picking a really silly fight (very short lived) with the LarBear to deciding to experiment with my Klonopin (as in not taking it even though I know that I really, really need it) to not taking a shower and getting dressed this morning (daily hygiene fail) to letting myself get too worked up about other people’s problems.

How do I let myself feel, or how do I reassure myself that it really IS okay to be happy, to feel joy, contentment?  I’m still working on that.  What my head always tell me is the inevitable — that it won’t last, it never has before, and its not going to start now.  My head goes on to remind me that Fall is upon us, meaning Winter soon, and that always spells horrors for my stability.

Does it have to, though?  Is it possible that I could make it through Fall and Winter relatively unscathed?  That I could keep up with my daily tasks and my hygiene and meds and relationship-building and therapy and all of the other daily skills, and maybe slide just fine through to Spring?

Well sure, I suppose it’s possible.  I just have to avoid all of these tiny self-sabotaging behaviors that I engage in, and focus on the more positive, skill building behaviors that I have been concentrating on lately.

Gee, Rosa, is that all you ask from yourself?  You are such a loser.

You see, that voice is there, so loud and strong, criticizing my every move.  It will take massive determination on my part to ignore it, to turn the mind, to practice opposite to emotion.  But I think I can.  I’m pretty sure I can, anyway.  Or at least I’m going to try.

What self-sabotage pitfalls do you find yourself getting tripped up by?  How do you keep yourself on a more positive path?  Do share your secret cures for all that ails…

Image result for respect yourself to walk away from anything that no longer

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22 thoughts on “Avoiding Self-Sabotaging Behaviors in the Mindfield of Current Happiness

  1. I think you’ll know. Symptom? You’re fighting a lot and afterwards, you don’t know what you were fighting about. That’s always my signal to step back, take a deep breath, and figure out what’s REALLY going on 🙂 You’ll know.

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  2. All emotions are transient, even the persistent ones. There are are so many nuances, or shades, of all emotions. In my personal experience it has been impossible to hold onto anything as I am perhaps hypersensitive to said nuances. But that has been my salvation. Nothing is permanent but we tend to ride the crests until the wave crashes. I have always found respite in knowing the waves never stop. Which is perhaps a bit odd, but Very liberating! There is a subtle rhythm even to the longest periods of stagnation, and this rhythm is the beat to which the heart likes to dance. Ultimately, only you know you. Only you know your own rhythm : )

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  3. You don’t believe that things will stay good, so if you self-sabotage then you’re in control of when things will go bad rather than getting caught off guard because you don’t know when it might go bad – “Haha you bad stuff, I’ve disarmed you by making it bad myself! I control my bad stuff, not you!” Is it a bit like that?

    It’s kind of a self-fulfulling prophecy isn’t it, you expect it to go bad, you make it go bad, and there you were right – you knew it would go bad!

    I don’t know how you move out of that situation, but I’m sure, like anything, recognising that that’s what you’re doing must be a huge part of it, so you’ve managed that. And maybe that enables you to stop yourself each time. Like perhaps you can’t solve the issue as a big whole, but you can tackle each liittle time you catch yourself self-sabotaging, and stop that, and gradually that way you’re changing your behaviour.

    I for one am very glad that you’re happy – don’t let me down on that 😉

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  4. I’ve been trying to think of my life in smaller chunks. Not “fall” anymore or “september” – I’m dealing with “this week” or “today”. I’m much less likely to totally backslide and self sabbotage if I tell myself my behavior was the product of one bad day, not everything crashing down for the forseeable future. Good luck!

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  5. Just because you’ve done it in the past doesn’t mean you’ll do it again. You said yourself this is like the best you’ve ever been. Maybe part of that package is not sabotaging everything. I say trust yourself, and take things step by step so you can catch yourself like with the arguments and the showers etc.
    I’m really proud of you for the steps you’re making, and i mean that in the least patronising way possible. I think you’re awesome for having come so far from when I first started reading your blog.

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