Ten Things of Thankful, Sickie Poo Edition

 

TToT

I have two lovely TToT banners today, the above courtesy of Mama and the one at the end courtesy of the TToT blog-hop folks.  I like both, so I’m going to use both.  Sorry, I’m feeling defiant after a row with my well-meaning but obnoxious father.  I was going to turn it into a “Open Letter to Dad” but decided against it because I am still just TOOOOO angry.  Will have to settle for a little banner-acting-out behavior instead.

 

1) I am thankful for my mom this week.  When I needed Rx picked up, she jumped right on it.  She also brought me excellent sickie supplies since I was on a clear liquids diet for almost three days, but am now a BRAT (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast).  It feels good to be a brat and I cheated and ate ramen noodles for dinner, but hey, there’s probably some rice in those noodles!  So thanks, Mom, for always taking such good care of me, no matter the circumstances.

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2) I am thankful to have a job, a job that I like, a job that I am good at, and a job where I like my co-workers and bosses.  I am thankful they have adapted the last month as I spent a few days in the loony bin and then several days after that being loony and, just when the looniness ceased, developed the killer stomach flu.  And I still have a job.  They still want me back, and I am ready to come back as soon as I can get my fever down and be deemed noncontagious by QoB.  And stop being so dizzy.

3) I am thankful that I have a nice, clean comfortable house, with running and recently serviced AC.  I see many friends sweating it out on FB and all over the blogosphere and I just can’t think how much sicker I would feel if my house was 95 degrees.

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4) I am thankful I have  a “dumb” phone.  My friends and relatives are always having a helluva time with their smart phones.  The fanciest thing I ever do is put Walgreens on speaker.

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5) I know how much I might bitch about them sometimes, but I am thankful for Walgreens.  They rarely mess my stuff up anymore, it’s less than two blocks from my house, and they’re just so speedy and organized.  I could say less for their online site, but this is a POSITIVE post.

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6) I am thankful that Mom is holding onto my debit card for me.  Over the last month I was really doing some ridiculous spending — it’s bad when you don’t have enough left over from your little impulse buys to purchase groceries.  The beauty of it is that I did of my own free volition.  (Atta Girl!)

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7) I am thankful for WP and FB friends, old and new.  You guys are awesome, keeping up with me when I am bored, making me laugh, listening when I cry, just giving me awesome information and new things to look into.  I really do appreciate all of you!

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8) I am thankful for Caller ID, because sometimes, you just want to screen your calls.  There’s some people you REALLY want to talk to, and some you wish would fall into a dark well (temporarily, of course).  I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.

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9) I am once again, this and every week, thankful to Kizzer pup.  She has been a real trooper.  She was home by herself for almost four days, and she did really well with Grandma paying her visits.  It took awhile for her to get used to me being back, but soon she was up to her Kizzerly tricks again.  It seems since Grandma visited, she gets a lot more bones.  I don’t think that one is all on the Kizzer.

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Kizzer’s Favorite — Dingo Rawhides

10) I am thankful that I have the ability to forgive, because while it won’t be today and it might not be tomorrow, I do have the ability and willingness to call Dad on his crap, and it will happen.  And I will forgive him and he will try and explain and it will be over.

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Ten Things of Thankful, Birthday Edition!

Remember, you can join Ten Things of Thankful by linking up with Liz at Considerings.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy (I’m not sure that’s how that goes, but I don’t really give an eff, because it rhymes. Just call me Big Dawg if that ain’t it.).

Banner is courtesty of Mental Mama, and that link will also take you directly to her TToT for the week.

Without any further adieu:

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1)  Maybe I should have been like Mama and labeled mine “10 Things That Didn’t Suck This Week.”  That’s kind of how I’m feeling.  My first thankfully thank-you, though, IS to Mama.  We were chatting and I am pretty sure I was moaning about how I really just needed a six-pack of Budweiser Cheladas (I don’t drink), and she brought DBT right into the picture.  Practice opposite to emotion.  My main emotion right now is intense anger and anxiety, directed at ol’ DSB (who can do nothing about all the shitty things he has done, even if he wanted to), so I am doing TToT because it makes me joyful and hopeful.  You get that — joyful and hopeful being opposite to anger and anxiety?  Sometimes I forget.  😦

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2)  I am thankful for the support of my family.  I promise, this TToT will not be a rerun, because I always mention family, but it’s just THAT DAMN IMPORTANT.  My family is everything to me and sometimes, I lose sight of how hard this is on THEM, to always be there for me, someone who has special and magical bipolar powers.  For a perfect explanation, go to yesterday’s entry and read the comment from QueenofDaNile (mom).  I read that this morning and it made total sense.  For the first time in a long time, actually, it made sense.  I would copy and paste, but you wouldn’t get the full effect unless you read the post, as well.

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3)  I am thankful for large packages of toilet paper and paper towels.  When  you’re buying them, you’re thinking, “Nine dollars?!  Really?!” but it’s so nice to rarely run out.  Thank you, Madre, for teaching me this invaluable lesson (and buying the last package of TP!)

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4)  I am thankful my sister is going to come help me clean this gawdawful mess up on the 10th.  I’m nervous, too, though.  What if she sees the squalor and runs?  What if I can’t keep up?  Ok, frankly, what happens when I can’t keep up?  I just keep remembering her words, “I love you unconditionally.”  “I would never judge you.”  Okay, breathing in and out now.  In, out, in, out.

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5) Feeling a bit more frivolous as we go, and not to say that TToT is frivolous, but let’s all eat a piece of cake this weekend, because it is TToT’s 1st birthday!  I am so thankful I found this gem and I look forward to it every week.  I have missed a couple of times and I was always so disappointed when I didn’t make the deadline.

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6) I am thankful for all the new toiletries and laundry stuff that my dad hooked me up with.  I am smelling clean all the way around, and I kinda like it.  The people around me probably appreciate it as well.  I hate to shower, and the soaps he bought me are very motivating.  And who knew that buying Tide would be a big difference after buying the $7 Purex all these years?  And having dryer sheets again has been phenomenal.  Now if I just had some elves to come put all this laundry away!

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7) I am thankful that I was too lazy tonight to go and spend my grocery money on ice cream.  I really reaaaaaallly wanted a salted caramel shake from Sonic, a little bit of heaven, but I resisted.  That’s $2 I’ll have to buy healthier stuff with, and I’m not packing extra poundage onto my rear end.

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8) I am extremely thankful that the Kizz Wizz was not injured and did not escape when a huge limb came crashing out of a tree in my back yard a couple days ago.  It happened while I was at work, and I was beyond relieved to see her trotting out her doggie door toward me.  Big thanks also to the tree service who were here the next day and totally took care of things in a matter of hours, including cleaning up after themselves.  The Big Dawg came and put the fence back up, and now we’re in business.

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Not my yard, but a branch just that big!

9) I am thankful for all suggestions for new music.  After DSB, I am so sick to death of country that I could spit.  It’s on the radio all the time at work, all the presets in my car are set to it (there is not a decent radio station anywhere around here), and the only times I can get away are either with silence or Pandora.  Too bad Pandora doesn’t come in your car…or does it?

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10) Last but not least, I am very pleased that my local library APPEARS to have the entire Jack Reacher collection, as well as one other (that I’m blanking on the name of, but that Marilyn recommended).  And that’s where I’m headed.  I no longer feel angry (in the name of opposite-to-emotion, Mama!).  I feel like I need to lay a good long while in bed and get my book read, as it will be auto-returned for me on the 2nd.

 

 

 

Ten Things of Thankful, Lucky Number Seven

I have been a bit in and out of the blogosphere this week as I am learning new routines and catching up with people and, really, being more social than I have been in years.  I’m to the point where I’m actually ready to just spend some quality time at home with the Kizz.  My batteries need recharging.  I’m hoping this week’s TToT will give me a lift.

Don’t forget to hook up with Liz at Considerings for the link-up.  All sorts of crazy action goes on with your blog when you link up.

 

1)  Hooray for figuring things out.  I am thankful that I have been able to figure out many things for myself, that I previously relied on DSB for.  It turns out there’s nothing so magical about the things he can do, that I can’t replicate.  I don’t need no stinkin’ man!  (LOL, Madre)

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I am thankful for all three parents.  And they’re each going to get their own number, because that’s just how awesome they have been.

2) Mom, you get to go first, because you bear the brunt of it.  I am thankful that you have been there for tears and anger and cheered me on while I listed out stuff that I didn’t used to “be able” to do and how things are so different now.  I am thankful for you for harrassing me to see the pdoc when things got hypomanic.  You work tirelessly to better my situation and I can’t thank you enough for that.  And I’m thankful that you’re just you — always accepting, never (hardly ever) impatient, and an all around positive person to be around.  MTLI.

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3) I am thankful for the Big Dawg to fixing the big issues, like getting my lawnmower situation straightened out or offering to handle all the people that (at some point) will come out of the woodwork and want their items and/or money back that DSB has just left up in the garage, stuff that he was working on.  I am thankful that our relationship has progressed to the point where you can actually ask me how I’m doing, and I know you really want the whole, unvarnished truth.  This song reminds me so much of us:

 

4) I am thankful, Dad, at how accepting you have become.  You are genuinely happy to see DSB go (as many were) and are putting a lot of energy into helping me round out my time with positive things.  I know I can always call you late into the evening when I am upset and you will talk me through things.  You’re back to “being there” and I am every so thankful for that.

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5) I am thankful for my newly adopted brother, Rock, even though I am at times very jealous of him.  I have to remember who he is to the people I love, and treat him accordingly.  Hopefully the jealousy will go away in time, but the jealousy is no one’s fault but my own.  We all have our opinions and the best I can do is cut him some slack and remind myself that he’s only a 21 year old male, and then think of what I was like at that age, and remind myself just how screwed up my head was then.  If I think about it like that, I can empathize with him, not that he would ever admit that  he had any problems.  Sibling rivalry.  I’m thankful to have it, if Rock can bring such joy to my mom.

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6)  I am thankful I am not in one of the 25 people in a three-block vicinity that had their mailboxes totally destroyed by vandals a few days ago.  Some of them were hit so hard, that the post was knocked over, as well.  Total ridiculousness.  I hope they find the people that did it and they serve jail time.  Totally rude and disrespectful.

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7) I am thankful to be headed over to Mom’s soon for a steak dinner.  I don’t remember the last time I ate steak, but I love it.  It’s not generally do-able on my budget, but with DSB gone, it might be affordable.  I’d have to have Big Dawg grill it, though, as he is the master of the charcoal grill.

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8) I am thankful for my pup, Kizzie.   Yes, I know she is on here every week, but she is just that gosh-darn special.  She has been enjoying spending lots of QT with her momma and getting special treats.  I had her groomed last week, but failed to get photos.  Below is one from a few years ago — she looks pretty much the same except she is more muscular now.   She’s friggin’ adorable!Kizz as a pup

 

 

9) I am thankful I have not heard a single word from DSB.  I tried to call him a couple of times, but it went straight to voicemail.  I don’t believe I will ever hear from him, and that’s probably a good thing.  Sometimes I feel like I didn’t get closure, but mostly I’m just pretending he died.  Is that bad?

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10) I am thankful to see more bloggie friends doing TToT.  Two weekends to TToT #50!

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Ten Things of Thankful, Sixth Edition

You know when you’re feeling bad, it’s kinda hard to identify the positives in your life?  I always enjoy TToT, but I’m having difficulty pinpointing what exactly it is I am thankful for right at the moment.  Sure, there’s things I’m thankful for.  I know there are.  It’s just that this part of my brain is fuzzy at the moment.  I’m gonna give ‘er a go, though.  You should, too.  Just write the damn list already, and then link up over at Considerings.  You’ll be glad  you did, once you get it all out on paper.  I know I always feel better.

1) I am thankful for my new-found brother, Rock.  My family has adopted all 21 years of him and he has truly been a lifesaver during this hard time.  I blogged more about him yesterday, but I think he needs to be numero uno on this week’s TToT, because having him around has made things just a little easier.

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2)  Of course, the next shout out goes to my parents, QoB and the Big Dawg.  I am thankful for them every week, but they have been especially kind and gentle and loving with me over the past several days.  I have seen a wealth of understanding and compassion, especially in the Big Dawg, that I didn’t know ran so deeply.  I don’t know what I expected, but they are coming through just like they always have.  I don’t know why I expected any less, possibly because I feel like the most foolish, biggest pile of dog poo, and that I would possibly to be blamed for stuff that has happened, but that’s not how it is.

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3) I am thankful I have four people by my side who are helping  me take care of the practical details that have come up in this whole mess.  The Big Dawg especially is taking charge, getting my lawnmower fixed and when that failed, bringing his own mower over to mow.  Getting rid of the boat.  Dad helping me take all of DSB’s medical supplies to the hospital to be donated so I’m not swimming in cardboard boxes.  Mom feeding me and raking and burning leaves.  Rock helping out with yardwork.  Mom’s promise to help me get my house in order and revamp a couple of rooms.  Without them, it is all so overwhelming.  With help though, it can be done and I believe that.

 

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4) I am exceptionally grateful to all the wonderful blogs I read for keeping me entertained over the past couple of days.  I love them all, but find two especially inspiring, positive, and full of light.  Cynthia Reyes fills her blog with beautiful  homes, renovation projects she is following, lovely pictures of her garden, and just a little bit of magic.  I thank her for inspiring me to keep going when the world is getting to me, and I know I can always take refuge in one of her posts.  The other blog, written by my friend Marilyn Armstrong, can always be counted on to have several posts a day, containing anything from historical anecdotes to amazing photos to funny insights to rants about important things, like the lack of plug-ins in her home to the trend of not including user manuals in electronics purchases.  I hold Marilyn’s blog in high esteem, not only because her written word and photos are lovely, but because she remains so positive in the face of so many difficult challenges.  Marilyn and Cynthia are both beautiful people, wonderful bloggers, and if you haven’t already, you should go check them out.  I promise you won’t be disappointed.

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Cynthia’s memoir. It has received amazing reviews and I just downloaded it to my Kindle. I have no doubt that it will be fabulous.

 

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Marilyn’s memoir that I HAVE read and loved, loved, loved. It changed the way I was currently looking at spirituality dramatically. Definitely worth a read.

 

5)  I am grateful for rededicating myself to taking better care of the Kizz.  I have always shown her a a lot of attention, but Rascal (Mr. Neurotic) always wound up taking center stage.  Mom bought her a honking armadillo toy and hooked her up with some new treats (that DSB would not allow…didn’t believe in bones or rawhide) and also a new leash and collar.  She is looking snazzy and seems to be very content to be the only dog again.  I am getting her groomed next Friday (which DSB always discouraged for some reason) and have her up to date on shots as of yesterday.  Kizz has been with me through thick and thin and deserves to be first, instead of playing second fiddle to another pup.  She doesn’t even really seem to miss DSB or Rascal, but seems rather happy to be ruling the roost again.  Oh, and without Rascal here, there is none of the constant barking from her.  She peeks through the fence at the neighbor with interest, but no barking.  Hmmph!  What a good dog, and DSB always said how she wasn’t very well behaved or smart.  Wrong!

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6) I am grateful that I am going to be able to change my eating habits dramatically.  When you live with someone who likes fatty, rich food and mostly refuses to eat vegetables, you become limited in what you cook.  When you live with someone who eats everything in sight as soon as it is purchased, you stop buying certain things because it’s like throwing money down the toilet.  I am looking forward to more fish, more soup, occasional ice cream, 2% milk, soy and almond milk, cereal, fresh fruit and veggies, and being able to keep my pantry and fridge stocked.  If I ever have to eat biscuits and gravy again in the near future, I may puke.  Actually, no more gravy period for quite some time.

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7) I am thankful there will be no more whining or complaining about how much time I spend blogging or looking at other blogs or emailing.  Talk about jealousy.  I can do as I please, in my own home again.  I can have soup for dinner and ramen noodles for breakfast, if I feel like it.  I can keep my house cleaner.  I don’t have to ask for permission to do things.  I could go on and on with the things I am grateful for that I will be able to do now, and just can’t  help but kicking myself that I didn’t figure all this out sooner.

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8) I am thankful that the anxiety monster seems to have passed with the leaving of DSB.  So much stress and anxiety tied up into that relationship — totally unreal.  It has been two days since I have taken a Klonopin, and in those two days, I didn’t even really think about needing one.  There is so much less tension, so much more laughter, and almost nothing to worry about.  I attribute that to my awesome Team ‘o Four (Big Dawg, QoB, Rock, and Dad) for helping me to simplify, solve problems, and make life easier.  I know I already listed being thankful for them above, but they are all a post in and of themselves.  Love you guys!

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9) I am thankful for having a good, great, awesome therapist.  I sent her a list, a four-page list at that, last night about all the things that were better  now that DSB and I aren’t together.  Not only did she read it on her day off, she responded.  And told me she’d always want to read anything I sent.  She reads my blog.  I feel like she is very invested in my mental health and, most importantly, like she genuinely cares about how I am doing and feeling.  I don’t think it’s often that you find a therapist that gets you like that, but we’ve had a lot of practice together.  I’ve seen her for the past nine years pretty much solid (other than a year spent fiddling with mental health center therapists) and then she was also my therapist for a couple of years when I was 16.  She is amazing, totally deserving of her Goddess of Mindfulness status, and I hope she  knows how much she helps me.  I wouldn’t be where I am today without her support and guidance.

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10) I am thankful for the outpouring of support over the last week.  It is amazing to me how many people commented, wishing me well, offering advice, sharing their story, saying a prayer for me.  A lot of people came out of the woodwork, because I was having a rough time, and I can’t say thank you enough for that.  It has meant the world to me to know I have so much support out here on the Interwebs.  I appreciate the reading, the liking, the commenting, the emails.  Everything.  You have all touched me deeply and I am immensely grateful.

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