I vacillate between trying very hard to use DBT skills and basic coping skills and all of the “tools in my toolbox” and throwing my hands up in the air.
The Rosa of the past didn’t believe in recovery, and the Rosa of the current still isn’t sure about “recovery” from mental illness, in general. Do I think things can get better, yes. Do I think they can stay that way, not really.
After my therapy session yesterday, I have come away with a few goals. Goals that the Rosa of before would not have meshed with.
They are, in no particular order:
1) Daily hygiene every day, plus a bonus if I can put on makeup and try to pretty myself up.
2) Sun lamp 30 minutes, two times a day.
3) More time out of the house, doing what, it really doesn’t matter.
4) Eventually get back to the pool. The staph infection issue is ongoing, so I can’t do much about this right now.
5) Stop thinking about the zebras. You know, the zebras, the constant and negative thoughts that come from the brain. Try replacing the zebras with a giraffe, or an elephant, or maybe a cute teacup pig.
I have come to the conclusion that I can’t fret about my weight too much at this point, because it is clear that it will be an extra-supreme challenge in which I may or may not have to make serious decisions. The plan is to continue eating right, with small meals, and try to increase fruit/veggie intake.
Above all else, I will continue to avoid negativity and will cut it out of any corner of my life in which it will be lurking. This may mean cutting some people out of my life, but so be it. I actually went through the million blogs I follow and unfollowed some that are simply always so negative without even a hint of positivity or solutions that may be found. Bloggers that wrote all the time about things that were triggering to me were deleted, too. I hope someday I can come back and read some of those, but I simply can’t right now. Chances are, it’s not your blog I stopped following. Most of those people don’t read me.
I am going to have to do something different with jewelry/crafting, and I’m not sure what that is, but I’ll think of something. I don’t think I am going to meet the October 14th deadline of having pieces in for the holiday show, but at this point I think it is more than I can manage.
I may be starting an adaptive yoga group that my art therapist is trying to get together. I am excited about that. As in, yoga I can actually do, maybe seated at a chair or in some other fashion. I really hope she is able to get some numbers together so I can start that.
Day by day, broken down into manageable chunks, I will get through Fall, Winter, Hell of Winter, Spring of Winter. I will because I always do, and there is no point in giving up now.