A rough few days had left me feeling emotionally raw, reactive, completely in emotion mind. Without a shred of reason to be found within my decidedly ailing body, mind, spirit, I phoned a friend. Kind of like you can do on that show, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire,” although I’m not sure that show is still on or if it’s still played that way. Either way, the premise is the same — unsure of yourself, phone a friend and get some insight.
I didn’t directly ask for advice, but she knows me pretty well and she told me something she has told me time and time again — not everything is because of mental illness, a lot of it is just life. Life sucking, maybe, but just life, not a symptom. Not something to have a med change over or make any sort of drastic change over. Her advice to me: hunker down, a lot of it will pass.
And she’s right, a lot of this will pass. A lot of the bad feelings are from having several major changes and being uber-busy, and now the settling comes. We are moved, settling in, the house is set up, settle down a little more, make new routines, practice better habits, interact more or less or not at all with certain people. Change, a lot of it, over the past few months, and change, even more than that, over the past couple of years.
It’s time to settle down, let the dust clear, see what shakes out. Feeling bad doesn’t necessarily mean I need to have a med increase or a routine change or for anything AT ALL to happen. My friend’s wise words, “hunker down,” made so much sense when she said them. They made even more sense when I sat on my front porch in the fresh air, with the sun shining warmth on my face, contrasting with the cool breeze through my hair.
It was funny when Dad said almost the same thing not even an hour later, except he said, “I’m glad you were able to defend in place today and keep from going to the hospital.” He said that, because this morning I was feeling terrible enough that I was thinking of going to the hospital, and I cancelled on seeing him or my nephew.
So, defend in place, hunker down, that’s what is going to be happening for me. Can’t hurt, might help.