#reverb14: Regret Not Required

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What unfinished projects from 2014 are you willing to release now?

(regret not required)

Year in and year out, I have found myself falling in and out of religion.  Not in and out of my belief that my God is a mysterious God, not in and out of the belief that belonging to a faith community may help me to feel less alone.  More so just finding myself attending church, loving it, then hating it, then becoming indifferent and unmotivated to go.  And then missing it once I had left.

It has been suggested to me by many well-meaning people over the years that finding a “good church” to be part of my “support system” was crucial to my mental health and sense of well-being.  I’m just not sure I believe that anymore.  I understand that I can’t only go from my home to work to a handful of friends and families homes and back to my home again, expecting that this will keep me from completely being housebound.  I am sure something in my brain needs more than that, but I don’t think the answer to it is church or services or whatever you may call the practice of getting together in an organized way to celebrate your deity.

So in 2015, I won’t be pushing myself to find a “new church” or a “new religion” or to “join” something.  I’m not going to feel bad about it, although I suppose at times I may long for it.  I’m not saying “never,” either.  I am saying, “No, not now.  Rosa has bigger fish to fry.”

Building Rome: Serenity Now

Well, it’s week two for me of Building Rome. Building Rome is a challenge created by Green Embers and each week, we set small goals and then report back on the past week’s goals.  I also add in my every-day-gotta-do-it goals at the end, but to each their own.

This week’s theme is “Serenity Now.”  The quote that Green Embers selected for this post if particularly apt to my situation:

“This art of resting the mind and the power of dismissing from it all care and worry is probably one of the secrets of energy in our great men.”
– Captain J. A. Hadfield

Indeed.  Following last week’s goals, we find:

1)  Fail #1:  Send a handwritten card to my sister and step-sister letting them know how much they mean to me.

I didn’t do this, namely because I didn’t make the time or the effort.  It just slipped off my radar.  Maybe for another day!

2) Win #1:  Perf0rm one random act of kindness for a stranger each day.  A smile, holding the door open, helping someone carry something, advising where something is located in the grocery store.  Small things, important things.

I have been in the position to do a lot of this lately, and have happily done so.  My favorite was spotting someone a quarter so they could complete their purchase at Dollar General.  It’s just a quarter, people!  Out of the long line, I was the only one to offer assistance.

3) Win #3:  Talk with Goddess of Mindfulness about this constant cycling and what we can do about it, other than following the “crisis” medication regime.  Also talk with her about the mental  health center’s lack of follow-through with my needed medication requests.  Ask for her help in communicating with them.

Done and done and done.  I am back on my “crisis” medication regimine.  She explained to me the extreme understaffing at the center and suggested I make an appointment straight-away, as it is difficult to get in now.

Those were the main goals I set for last week.  The following goals will be for this week, and will embrace “serenity now.”

1) Take Kizzie for a walk at least three times for at least 15 minutes this week.

This will help my mental health, my physical health, and Kizzer’s health.  I often used to find that walks were good ways to clear my brain, and with quitting smoking, I need all of that I can get.

2) Set aside time each morning to read in the devotional book that my mom’s best friend, Glo gave me.

We have not made it to church now in weeks, thanks to our dueling schedules, and my lapsing faith is irritating me like a burr right under my skin.  Who knew that having faith was such hard work?

3) Continue to not smoke.

Smoking creates anxiety, really.  When you feel like you’ve not had one in a certain amount of time, it certainly increases those feelings.  I have plenty of anxiety on my own to deal with.  I really don’t need the help!

Now, for my four must-do-every-day-n0-matter what:

1) Take medications exactly as presribed.  I actually did a pretty good job this week, other than taking my morning meds late on two days.  I still took them, though, so there’s progress!

2) Take care of Kizzie’s needs.  I did pretty well on this, too.  She never ran completely out of water and I’ve already made arrangements to get some dog food picked up.  We’ve been playing a lot, and it is clear she would rather sit on my lap in the  living room than sit under my feet at my computer desk.  She can be a bit on the needy side, sometimes.

3)  Take care of personal hygiene daily.  I did a bang-up job of this, I believe, this week.  Smelling all fresh and clean AND, I put away all my clean clothes, so I know what I have to wear.  That is a big bonus, and it doesn’t really matter that I did it at 9:00 last night — just that it’s done!

4) Eat healthfully and mindfully.  Epic fail.  Too much fast food this week, and too many sugary drinks.  There has also been a lot of snacking going on since I quit smoking and I KNOW that this is just nervous energy — I just want it to stop!

So, if you’d like to hold yourself accountable and feel like making some new goals, check out Green Embers’ site for details and link-up.  I know I feel a little bit better if I have some direction in life!

Sorry there were no fun  pictures, but today is a git’ ‘er done kind of day, and I didn’t have time.  Maybe next week!


I’m on my last day of my five-day weekend and it has been oh-so-glorious.  I think I really needed this break.  I was having a hard time getting to work for the past few weeks and was on major burn-out.  I think part of that is the negativity that seems to abound within the office I work in.  My supervisor went on a week-long cruise last week and here’s hoping that she is in a much better place than she was when she left.  But, maybe not.  She’s kinda crazy and perpetually cranky.  And don’t forget…negative!  It doesn’t get much better around my other co-workers, either.  All the talk of budget cuts and programs changing has everyone on edge.  For the most part, I have not been worrying too much about my own job, because there is really nothing I can do except to do the best I can and hope the department realizes that my program is vital to reducing recidivism.  Fingers crossed.

Church was kind of disappointing this week.  We had a visiting pastor and his sermon was terrible.  He started it off by saying that Memorial Day is not really for those who have given their lives to our country and the ones still fighting.  Ummm, what??!?!?!?  He launched into a long-winded and very boring sermon about how Memorial Day should really be for celebrating those that have passed who have strengthened the church community and to the “saints.”  Um, hello?  The saints?  Maybe the pastor didn’t realize that he was in a Disciples of Christ church, and thought he had been beamed into a Catholic church.  I don’t know, it just wasn’t a very good sermon and he was not a great speaker, like the pastor we have now is.  Let’s not mention that he preached for almost 45 minutes, whereas the entire service generally lasts only that long.  Ahhh well, here’s hoping our new pastor that starts in September will be as good as the pastor that has been covering for him for the past however-many months.  I will be sad to see our current interim pastor go, but I think he has his own home church and his parishioners probably miss him very much.

So Kizzie has been very itchy lately.  Her belly is red, and she has spots on her legs and tail that are really roughed up.  She is constantly licking and itching and I just know it is allergy season for her again.  This happens every spring around this time, and I am trying to get her in to get an allergy shot tomorrow.  Birdie is getting spayed on Wednesday, and I will be dropping her off after work tomorrow, so it would be nice if I could just take Kizz in then and get the shot, considering the vet is a pretty long haul away from my house.  We all know that gas isn’t getting significantly cheaper, that’s for sure.

I have spent a lot of time socializing these past few days.  To tell the truth, I am a little peopled-out.  I am looking forward to having this day of cleaning and laundry, actually.  It amazes me that I am able to socialize so much, considering many years of isolating myself, and periods even recently when I can’t stand to be around people.  Of course, as I say in every post, the Cymbalta helps greatly with the depression that keeps me cooped up in my house, and I think that I have grown a great deal over the past few years as far as overcoming social phobias.  People can still really bug me sometimes, but more often than not, I am seeking out the company of others.  It’s strange sometimes, but I think that getting out and about has been really good for me over this past week.  It has been nice to have real conversations that don’t revolve around work.  Bottom-line, just happy to have been away from work.

Happy Memorial Day to all…I know that I have several people in my heart today and always.  God Bless America.

Proud to Be an American, Lee Greenwood