This blog is ancient, at almost seven years. In the past, there have been times I have given it up for long periods. And as you likely know, the last few months have been sporadic at best. The decision for my parents to get divorced, to live separately, to not love each other anymore was more than quite difficult for me. For a very brief moment, I made that my problem and stressed myself even further. Now, I know it is not my problem, (of course) not my fault, and is (definitely) not for me to fix.
That’s good, right? So I’ve had those realizations (months ago) and life should be gee-whiz awesome, right? I do so wish. Depression and severe anxiety have been constantly tormenting me, and while I now can have a few good hours here or there, or sometimes even a day, it is so very rare to get any kind of real relief. And sometimes it just feels like I get smacked every day in the face by something new. That probably isn’t reality. It does FEEL that way, however.
I was so looking forward to Nano Poblano and I have totally screwed the pooch on that one for this year — I am optimistic enough about this blog to say I will make it up in 2015. So it shall be, right? I really admire all of the Peppers and other participants who are cranking out 1+ posts per day in celebration of NaBloPoMo. I truly find some of you all quite amazing, and then also thankful that it seems you will not intentionally make me feel badly for my less-than-stellar performance this year.
I am here today to say (and declare, mostly to myself) I am not giving up on RosieSmrtiePants or blogging or dealing with my issues or anything else for that matter. I want out of the “I’m giving this shit up” stage. All I really want is to feel better, and I think part of blogging holds that key for me.