Scream Along With Me if You Want

Yesterday,  hoped that today would be much much better.  Unfortunately, I was up all night and then sick all day, barely able to get out of bed.  So much for my thoughts on getting some massive cleaning done.  Very most basic things taken care of — shower, feed Kizzie, drink something.  Other than that, nada.  So I thought I would post because, even though here at 6:34P, I feel better, I don’t feel better to the point where I can start sweeping and vacuuming and throwing laundry around.

As I sit here blogging, I find myself browsing YouTube.  It’s something my mom really likes to do and she always finds the most interesting, upbeat songs.  All I find are 80’s songs.  Because that’s what YouTube recommends for me.  Sad and peppy and good memory and bad memory 80’s songs.  Mr. Big anyone?

Mom was kind enough to bring me some ginger ale and I am smart enough to not drink the entire 2-L in one setting.  Because I am tempted, but I am done with getting sick.  I’d really like to sleep all night through, but I don’t know how likely that is, considering I was laying in bed all day.  I plan on just doing some reading later, so hopefully my brain won’t be hopped up on whatever it is that comes out of electronics that is so bad for  you.

Not smoking today was a small miracle.  I was idle, sick, and nothing sounded better than a cigarette, although on the other hand, when I really did think about it, my stomach lurched around inside my body.  How can I want something so badly and be so repulsed by it at the same time?  It makes no sense to me.

Over this latest funk, I have not been commenting and liking and reading as much, but trust that I still pop over and see what you’re up to.  Sometimes I just don’t have it in me to leave a decent comment, so there’s only a like.  One of these days, I’ll get back to my normal self and things will go on as usual.  I can’t help wondering waiting wishing dreaming and screaming about when that might be.  Scream along with me if you want.

Is My Gravatar Crooked?

I was thinking today about how people find my blog, and, alternately, how I find other peoples’ blogs.  I probably follow too many blogs — 242, to be exact.  Of course that is accumulated over several years, and many are now defunct.  Here lately I have been trying to find some new blogs to read, blogs that I really “get” and that are either funny, touching, or talk about something I believe is important.

I have my ultimate favorite blogs of the now; the blogs that I will read no matter how little time I have and no matter how long it takes me to get to it.  I have blogs I will frequently comment on, to blogs that I generally just hit the like button.  And then there are the blogs of the people I consider my friends, and I try to do my very, very best to always read and always leave a comment with content.

I have blogs that I will skip out on reading that day, due to not  having time or having a severe annoyance with the topic at hand (excuse me, I think it’s important, too, but I cannot read another single line of political commentary.  Although Greg Fallis did a quite hilarious one on Texas Republicans, in a fashion that only he can.).

I find that I tend to move within a “reading circle,” in that, on most posts that I am dropping by to say hello on, almost all of the Gravatars are the same, from blog to blog.  I’m not sure exactly how this happens — maybe it’s how some of my seemingly-random readers find me; don’t know.  What I do know is that it’s kind of fun to read along together, to comment along together, to grow along as a community together.

Sometimes I think people in the same reading group should really sit down and have a cup of virtual lemonade.   What brought us here, initially?  What else are we interested in?  Any new blogs to recommend?  And what are you READING?  Because, if you’re in a similar circle 0f blog readers, you are undoubtedly reading the same books and could likely save yourself a few dollars buying the latest best-seller-that-is-junk on Amazon.

I can more readily identify most bloggers by Gravatar than name.  I mean, that IS why there are Gravatars, I’m sure.  But sometime I wish I would make time to sit down and scout out my fellow reading circle’s blogs.  I think I would probably find a wealth of people with similar interests.  I know for a fact that I am looking for more mental health blogs to follow, and  have been somewhat out of luck there.  (That’s a hint for you to leave me recommendations in the comments!)

While I don’t have a perfect idea about  how to find other blogs, I have no ideas on how people find my blog.  I don’t get weird search terms.  I do get search terms from DBT, but not tons.  Readers seem to mysteriously come and go, and maybe that is just the way things go.  I think it’s altogether possible that some of my readers are spam, as they come by, follow, and never like or read (to my knowledge).

Maybe the Daily Prompt could do something on say,  how do readers come to your doorstep?  Then bunches of people could give their theories and maybe we would find the correct answer.  As you can see here, I’m all about finding the correct answer.

As my man Insights of a Bipolar Bear says, people don’t like to read over 600 words, so I’m shutting this brain down.  Don’t forget to leave your favorite mental health blogs in the comments!

Ten Things Thankful

Considerings and a few other select bloggers have apparently been hosting, “Ten Things Thankful,” for quite some time, and I didn’t know about it.  Thanks to seeing Sheena’s post about it at NotAPunkRocker this morning, I am now well aware and plan to join in the happy, grateful madness, even if I have been a bit into doing list-y posts a lot lately.

Ten Things I Am Thankful for Today (as I sit here with a sniffling nose and a dog laying on my foot):

1) My Dad.  I started smoking again about a week ago, and I was terrified of his reaction.  He had been my biggest supporter and even went as far as to buy patches and lozenges for me.  I inadvertently told him over the phone last night and not much was said.

I called him today to possibly cancel our plans for tomorrow because I’m just feeling all stressed out and like I have no time at  home to get anything done.  He told me that he wanted me to know that he loves me just as much a smoker as a non-smoker.  He wanted me to know that he thought I had tried really, REALLY hard.  He also wanted me to know that, while he doesn’t like smoking, it’s just something I DO, not who I am.  I couldn’t have asked for more acceptance than that.

Thank you, Dad

Thank you, Dad


2) Minnow, my weekend bait-store buddy.  He is still in high school (senior year) and he came in the shop to help me on Friday because we were going to get slammed (good weather), and everyone else is frantically trying to get the garden store ready.  Minnow makes me smile, he is thoughtful and helpful and friendly.

He makes the time go by quicker and he is willing to do tasks that I do not like, such as bagging up crickets, and he knows everything there is to know about fishing…literally.  He and his girlfriend were in this morning and they were just too cute.  I wanted to tell her not to break his heart, or I would break her face, but I restrained myself.

These are golden shiners.  The rich man's minnow, what we sell in the store.  There are also fathead minnows, the poor man's minnow.  We sell those sometimes, too, but the golden shiners are preferred in this part of the state.  More than you ever wanted to know about minnows, I'm sure!

These are golden shiners, what we call minnows in the bait shop.  I think it’s a regional thing.  Best for catching crappie.


3) Figuring out (very slowly) how to post media into WP posts.  For the longest time, I just didn’t get it.  I was using the “old way” to insert files, and apparently all you  have to do is go to that add media wizard and take it from there.  Loving that.  Loving thinking about posting YouTube videos at the end of the post, that match the  post’s tone, like I used to.

4) Friends.  It has been forever and a day since I have had friends.  People in general scare me and I have such social anxiety that it makes face-to-face interaction terrifying.  I can chat all day long with the yahoo’s down at the bait shop, but get me into a situation with a person whose friendship I would like to have, and I go down in a ball of flames.  For some reason all of that goes away on the Internet and I have some amazing online friends.  I am thankful for the emails, the chats, the likes, the comments, the friendship.  I thank you, my friend.


5) Hair ties.  I have always worn my hair short, but it is getting long, long, long.  Well past my shoulders, which is longer than it’s been since high school.  And usually it’s pin straight.  Well, now that it’s long, it’s also extremely curly.  It does look nice worn down, but I usually have it up because it drives me crazy.

6) Followers.  I don’t like to call people that; I prefer “readers,” at the very least.  I’d like to say to my readers, “Hi!” because there are several new, and in related news, I just passed 800.  I’m not saying that to brag, I’m saying that because I am shocked that 800 people would want to read what I’m writing.  That, and I’m not sure all 800 of those are real…maybe that’s just me being paranoid.

This is exactly how I gained followers...bird seed.  :D

This is exactly how I gained followers…bird seed. 😀


7) My nephew and my sister.  I am going to see them on Monday and, although this a post about gratefulness from this past week, I am overjoyed and perhaps overly grateful yesterday, today, and (likely) tomorrow that I am getting to visit.

8) Any meal made by DSB.  He has cooked three times this week and, while I would rather cook, I do so ever appreciate it.  He even made me my favorite, chicken and rice soup, yesterday and I had yummy leftovers for lunch.

This is pretty much what it looked like, minus the huge pieces of carrot.  Must start using a camera!

This is pretty much what it looked like, minus the huge pieces of carrot. Must start using a camera!


9) Blog awards.  I have mixed feelings about blog awards.  Part of me feels like it’s bragging, part of me doesn’t want to try and figure out a description of me listed A-Z, and part of me just doesn’t know who to pass the award onto because there are sooooo many talented bloggers out there and I don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt.  I did a lot of thinking on that last night and this morning, and I’ve decided I’m going to accept two I received recently and one I received way back when (but declined…I’m un-declining…that’s ok, right?).  It’s going to take a bit to get it all together, but stay tuned.  And I’d love to hear your opinion on awards in the comments section (or in my email for that matter).



10) And last but not least, I am thankful for the following video, which I turn to when I feel in the midst of deep change.  And don’t hate on my gangsta rap; this song has real meaning.





100 Followers and Happy (Almost) Birthday

So, it’s only taken me a few years to gain 100 followers, and, ya know, the old Rose would be very bothered by that, but the new Rose thinks it’s kind of funny.  I started this blog, hoping to wildly popular, like Dooce, or something.  Since then, it’s evolved more into a tool I use to process and bring about clarity and better mental health.  So while I am thankful for my 100 followers, I’m not going to try and figure all that out, I’m going to just keep rolling with what I do.

I will be the big 3-2 in exactly 56 minutes.  32 feels much older than 31, but maybe I’m just feeling wiser.  I know a lot of good things have happened and great progress been made in year 31 of the Rose.  I have high hopes for 32, as well.

I celebrated my birthday with my family tonight.  My sister even drove in from the big city, which is a BFD, because she is busy and super special and pregnant, to top it all off.  It made my whole month to see her and know that she was showing up just to make my day a little more special.  And she makes an awesome carrot cake.  Just a bonus, ya know.

I’m not sure what my actual birthday has in store for me, other than hopefully French toast that I have aggressively been hinting around to DSB about.  Including buying syrup and making sure we have plenty of bread and eggs.  He’d better take the hint.  It would also be nice if there was coffee made when I got up, but that might be pushing it.

I plan to swim in my new pool and float around on the raft my sister gave me for my birthday.  I also plan to clean up my dining room and kitchen because, well, they’re nasty and, even though it’s my birthday, no one else is gonna do it.  Just facing facts here.

I am currently enjoying a new Yankee candle in my favorite scent, Lilac, given by my Dad and his wife on Thursday at that birthday celebration. I’m also celebrating the fact that Dad put another $100 on my Amazon account so I can keep on reading like a fiend.

I feel very lucky approaching year 32 that I still have amazing parents who are in good health, a precious sister and brother-in-law who will make me an aunt soon (mid-January), and I, of course, am grateful for DSB…and my pups, duh.  My life would be meaningless without these people and without this love.  I’m glad I realize that now.  Here’s to better living through chemistry!