That’s me, in the moment. I just came home from a two-plus hour workout (arms and cardio) and am feeling on top of the world. My relationship with LarBear is going great, I finally have some non-itch-producing laundry detergent and one load down, I am blogging for the first time in five million eons, and Kizzie is possibly done unearthing moles out of the backyard for today. Sometimes, its the little things.
Yesterday, the day before, the day before, so on and so on, lots of anxiety. Actually, lots of anxiety since my last ECT one week before this past Wednesday. ‘Tis a serious death anniversary week for me, one of my hardest, and it has been just as brutal this year as in years past. I did get to see QoB last night though and do a little crying on my Momma’s shoulder, which helped immensely, even if she doesn’t realize it.
A lot of the anxiety I am having is also because I am having a really hard time remembering things and am also, at times, extremely confused and almost disoriented. The beauty of ECT, though, is that I have forgotten a lot of the bad stuff, or, at least the details are not so crisp. Very few nasty and scary memories still play in my mind as if on a movie screen. Things are either blurry and hazy or not present at all. I am hoping some of that stuff never comes back!
I think LarBear and I are going to try going to church this weekend. Maybe. No commitments but possibly. We found one that seems promising, just have to give it a shot. I have been trying to find things to do to build structure, and that would be one of those things. I am also going to add DBT groups back in, as well as the good possibility of a water-walking class to go along with the water aerobics I am going to start doing at the YMCA.
Lots of good stuff here. I hope to be back soon, friends!