Post-Christmas Laziness

I normally have kind of a hard time relaxing.  It’s not that I don’t ever sit around and twiddle my thumbs, but I always have kind of an anxious feeling when I’m doing it.  Today has been very different.  My goal for today was to do absoutely.nothing and enjoy it.  So far, I have succeeded.

Dr. Love gave me a Kindle for Christmas and I have really been enjoying it.  I spent a great part of today playing with it and doing some serious reading.  In the past, reading was something I did a lot of and really enjoyed.  The Kindle seems to be bringing me back to that and I think it would be wonderful if I could develop reading as a hobby again.  People need hobbies, or they sit around and obsess and clean…like me!

We still have two Christmas celebrations to go to.  On Thursday, we are getting together with my stepsister and her family for dinner, to see their new place, and Christmas gifts.  Then this coming weekend we are going to the middle-of-nowhere to celebrate Christmas with Dr. Love’s family.  I am looking forward to both, but am especially looking forward to Thursday because I see them so rarely.

Christmas at Mom’s yesterday was pretty great.  I ended up really tired and sick of people by the end, though, and it was everything I could do to not go screaming off into the woods.  It wasn’t anything in particular, I had just had enough of people.  I get that way sometimes, I guess.

I am thinking of making this potato soup recipe for lunches this week.  I have been craving potato soup, and now that I am eating dairy again, I see no good reason to not try it.  Speaking of eating dairy again, that must have just been all in my head, the lactose-intolerance thing.  I am eating all forms of dairy, maybe even more than before, and have had no problems whatsoever.  I do know that I have cut down on caffeine, sugar, and fat, so maybe the problem was within that trio.  Whatever the reason for it was, I am really glad to be “over it” (at least for the moment) and able to enjoy foods that I love again.

Christmas Day may officially be over, but I am still digging the music.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Christmas Canon Rock

The Will to Carry On

I sure am up bright and early today.  I think that’s what happens when you go to bed at 9:15 p.m.  I am on “Plan A” of QoB’s model for healthy living.  “Plan A” consists of taking medication as prescribed, AKA taking meds twice a day instead of once.  It has really made a difference, it seems.  I am less agitated in the evening and more pleasant to be around (at least I think so).

I have also started taking Cymbalta again and it is amazing how wonderful I feel.  Back to where I was before I decided to go off it, really.  Apparently the withdrawal effects from going off Cymbalta suddenly include depression and irritability.  Hah!  Who would’ve known?  I was obviously not in my right mind when I went off it in the first place or I would have Googled everything.

Dr. Love’s parents were in town yesterday and I was able to spend a few hours in the evening with them.  We get along pretty well and it is always nice to see them.  They brought Matt’s nephew with them and he is getting SO big and is starting to say really funny things.  I think is he around 4 years old.  What a crack-up and what an age for repeating what he hears.  We went out for Chinese and he kept talking about the “damn Mexicans” and how we should “ship ’em home.”  Apparently he has been overhearing some rather racist conversations somewhere.

While at the restaurant, I ran into a co-worker from when I worked at the community mental health center.  It was really nice to see her and I think we are going to have lunch to catch up.  She has become a supervisor and I can totally see her in that role, kicking butt and taking names.  I told her I am loving corrections and that I had always thought I was not nice enough to work in straight-out mental health.  She says, “Hah!  Do ya think?!?”  I can remember giving people “pep talks” and co-workers coming out of their offices to see who is giving the “nice litle old lady” (aka, the 60 year old meth-head) a hard time.  Oh those were the days!

I have been cheating a little bit on my Paleo diet and have really been experiencing some serious gastrointestinal problems as a result.  Why do I do this to myself when I know it will make me sick?!?!?  Oh wait, it might be that eating disorder kicking in, as QoB reminded me.  I do tend to forget about it.  It’s just normal to me.  I don’t think about how other people eat and just assume that what I am doing is what anyone else would do.  Well, apparently it’s not.

So, to counteract urges to go to Casey’s and buy chips and cheese, I have cooked myself some good things for lunch today — edamame, zuccini stir fry with brown rice, grapes, apple with PB.  Should be a much better day for my stomach.  I also gave Dr. Love my debit card to hold onto.  My lack of self-control never fails to amaze me.

My car has been in the shop this week and it will finally be done today.  I’m pretty excited, as I have been driving Gav’s mini-van and it is very different from driving my car.  Definitely not as cool, but it has been great to have something to drive while my car has been out of commission.  It is hard to live in Topeka without a car and depend on the kindness of others to sneak you out of the facility for a smoke break!

Keep on keepin’ on.

Queen, The Show Must Go On

Pieces Fall Together

One of the worst things about being overweight and out-of-shape is that you’re not able to keep up with other people when you really want to.  My sister, brother-in-law, Dr. Love, and Mom were all here today working on the garage sale.  I was able to keep it up from about 10 – 4:30 but I have totally crapped out now.  I just had to say “I’m done!”  I am done mentally, emotionally, physically.  So much stuff!!

On a more positive note, the house is more cleaned out and the garage sale is getting organized.  I finally cleared out all of the decorations and bric-a-brac in the upstairs bathroom.  There were seashells everywhere, a big shelving unit that just wasn’t my style, and now it’s all gone.  I also cleaned out the linen closet and put all of my towels and what-not in there.  It’s like it’s actually my bathroom now.  Next step is to empty the linen closet at the old house and bring everything over.  Why is it that I collect half-full bottles of shampoo and body wash?  Going to be some stuff going in the trash, hopefully.

A couple of weeks ago I finally went to my first appointment with my new primary care physician.  I had rescheduled three times and not gone, so QoB went with me this time.  I was just afraid of getting bad news, afraid of what he would say.  About my weight, smoking, all the medication I take, so on and so forth.  Turns out I had nothing to worry about.  He didn’t seem fazed by the long list of psychotropics, didn’t mention smoking, and we talked about my digestive problems, which is something I have always thought was an issue of med toxicity.

My doctor suggested that I give up all dairy products for three weeks, that perhaps I am lactose intolerant.  He encouraged me to “eat like a cave man” and after rebelling for the first little while, I have completely cut all dairy out of my diet.  Becoming a real Paleon, with all of my lean meats, vegetables, berries, and nuts.  One of the good things about eating this way is that it really cuts out processed food, especially fast food.  Although I was skeptical at first, my body is really feeling a lot better without all that dairy I was eating.  I suspect I really am lactose-intolerant and plan to keep up with the Paleo-diet.  Thank you, Dr. Caveman.  My tummy appreciates it.

I was able to talk to Goddess of Mindfulness today about some things that have been really bothering me.  Mostly about work, some stuff about my interactions with other people, and how angry I have been feeling.  She made some really good suggestions.  Along with some things my mom said about my job and the plan I have set out for next week thanks to GoM, I think my mind is going to be able to rest for awhile about the job issue.  I really hope so, because the topic really consumes me and doesn’t let me enjoy my free time.

I went off my Cymbalta a few weeks ago.  My thinking at the time was that I wasn’t very good about taking it regularly and I didn’t feel very depressed so I didn’t need it.  Holy crap, how many times have I seen that behavior in my own clients and just shook my head?!  So I stopped taking it.  Cold turkey.  There is a part of me that wonders if that had something to do with how I have been feeling lately.  Not really depressed, more angry and irritable and hopeless.  Hmmm.  I am thinking about taking it again, but I haven’t decided for sure.  I guess I don’t really have anything to lose by taking it, but I want to actually take it as prescribed rather than now and then when I remember or am feeling bad.

I think I am going to come up with a couple more med-minders.  I have medicine I take at night, and if I take Cymbalta then I will be taking something in the morning.  It would also be nice to take my Zyrtec in the morning for full effectiveness.  QoB made the suggestion that I start taking the rest of my psych meds as prescribed, as well.  That would mean that I would take some in the morning, and in the evening.  Right now I just take everything at night because I am a stubborn, opinionated dumb-ass.  With Sundowner’s.

Yael Naim, Paris