Fed Up

I’m done.  All the hacking, the shortness of breath (with any slight movement, even with just sitting), the money gone down the toilet, the h0rrible smell.  I’m just done.

The past several nights, I have woken up coughing, and not been able to stop or to catch my breath.  It’s scary stuff, feeling like you are sucking air from a straw.  Getting lightheaded.  Almost throwing up because you’re coughing so hard.  Each night I swear them off, and then pick one up in the morning, which only leads to more hacking.

This isn’t normal.  My lungs were not MADE for smoking.  Hell, no one’s are, but mine especially are sensitive and, while I had cut way back the last time I started after a quit (in February or March), I’m back up to almost three packs a day.  That’s just not acceptable.  I can’t afford it financially and I can’t afford the things it is doing to my health.

I really did pretty well with quitting this last adventure.  What brought me back to it was cigarettes being plentiful around the  house and a DSB who saw nothing wrong with continuing to blow smoke inside the house while I was trying my damndest to quit.  Well, now he’s not here, so I think I can be successful.

I’m going to use the patch and lozenges.  It seems to really work for me.  I start (or stop, rather) in the morning.  I’m going to wake up, have a smoke or two, and then slap a patch on and call it a done deal.  I know it will be hard, but I have a lot of support.

So, when ya wake up in the morning, send some good juju my way.  I’ll probably need it!

This is MY song right now.  I’ve quit DSB, alcohol, coffee, and cigarettes (as of tomorrow, with the cigarettes).  And I’m still blue, like Michelle, but I’m sure I’ll get over that with some TLC.