Building Rome: Something Good

good

As part of the goal-building prompts that Green Embers puts out every week, he reminds us of something that we can all lose sight of:  there is good in every day.  Even the worst day has a bright spot.  At end of day, it’s those bright spots that we need to look at, to examine, to remember.  Goals for this week focus on finding the bright spots.

First, a recap of last week’s goals:

1) Be more active with Kizzie.  This has happened a little this week.  I have been sick so there has been no real rough-housing, but we are definitely playing a lot of fetch, tug-of-war, and Kizzie has been busy barking at everything that moves.  All in all, I’d say its been a success.

2) Get the back room straightened out.  Boo to being sick, I say!  This project has remained untouched, but I do go back there from time to time and think about what I want to do.  That’s something, right?

3) Cook a nice meal for the Big Dawg while Mom is out of town.  This obviously didn’t happen, because again, sick.  Boo again!

elephant

This week — the goals of finding the good:

1) Help someone do something difficult for themselves, through support and encouragement.  This could be any number of things, but I do have one particular thing in mind.  I am there for you, cheering you on!

2)  Take joy in unexpected benefits.  With all of this downtime, my knee is feeling better.  I will take this time to plan out what I want to do with my new found knee-fabulousness.  Probably start walking again (if I can ever get better).

3) Take downtime to set long-term goals.  Every week here, we set short-term goals.  I find it difficult, at times, because my long-term goals are so vague.  I vow to sit down with pen and paper (or mouse and keyboard) and really hammer out some long-term goals — 1 year, 5 year, even 10 year.  Whatever it is, I’d like to know myself where I’d like to be at those times.

Go visit Green Embers’ page to find out how you can participate in this motivating project.  You can also find links to other bloggers participating — go cheer them on!

 

 

Wherein I Come Clean About Smoking

I quit smoking toward the end of December this past year.  For the most part, I did pretty well, considering.  I had a few slip-ups, but nothing major.  I struggled, fought, and pretty soon it became easier, if not just plain easy some days.

I reveled in the non-smoking life.  I could breathe, I wasn’t coughing all the time, my hair smelled good.  I could smell a cigarette at 50 yards and, at times, I could have sworn I was allergic to cigarette smoke.  The secondhand smoke just affected me that much.

Toward the end of January, things started getting difficult.  DSB’s health was to take a turn for the worse, and that stress-free life I so enjoyed was over.  I had become complacent about my quit, too.  Not changing my patch when I should, not popping a lozenge when my brain told me I wanted a cigarette, not blogging about the struggle.  I lost track of the fight within me to stay quit, and I got lost somewhere.

It started out with just stealing a cigarette here and there.  Within the last two weeks, I’ve been buying a pack here and there, smoking a couple, a dozen, the whole pack here and there.  Cigarettes are an addictive bitch, and I’m not talking about the nicotine.  For the past two days, at home with an immobile DSB (health problems out the ying-yang, oh yeah!), waiting on him hand and foot, doing nothing but trying to run this house all by myself, I’ve smoked regularly.

And my body is pissed.  And I am pissed.  I’m coughing and hacking and I reek of cigarette smoke.  I started to think about how great I felt in December and most of the way through January.  How good it felt to be quit, how nice the air was moving in and out of my lungs, how my wind was better, how I had more energy.

They are absolutely fucking right when they tell you that quitting smoking now will greatly reduce serious risks to your health.  And you feel amazing.  I think the Surgeon General should put that on the pack, too:  If you quit, you will feel amazing.  Part of it is that you’re not smoking and part of it is that you tackled a huge beast and you are WINNING.

I’ve been lying in bed reading The Orange Buffalo by Grayson Queenwhich so far has been amazing, and he is writing about (in this particular section) about drinking and disillusionment and the quest for perfection, and Grayson Queen helped me (about 15 minutes ago) to have my own personal epiphany.

I do NOT want to smoke.  I do not want to be a smoker.  I want to quit and have healthy lungs and live to see my nephew grow up and get married and have kids of his own.  I don’t want to sneak around with cigarettes and lighters and be a smelly, smoky mess.

The other part of this personal epiphany, is that, yes, life has become quite stressful and that I, however, do not have to feed it.  I can deal with it, I can manage.  Without cigarettes.  And without a bipolar meltdown.

My personal epiphany:  I am happier without cigarettes.  I feel empowered when I don’t smoke.  I like the non-smoking Rosa better than the chain-smoking Rosa.  And I definitely like the not-sneaking-around Rosa better than the sneaking-around one.

I have come to far to start telling lies again.  I have come too far to give up this quit.  I’ll be restarting that fight, effective 23 minutes ago.  I will wake up in the morning, and I will not smoke, no matter what.  I have patches and lozenges and I will use my tools.

 

My Personal Path to Hot-ness

I’m on day 21 of no junk food.  Other than a small slip at Dairy Queen, with the Blizzard of the Month — it was Girl Scout Thin Mint — I’m not so good as to be able to pass THAT up, especially when it’s a limited time only type of deal.  Let’s just be thankful I have been able to keep my car from going on autopilot through Sonic or McDonalds, my two biggest vices, other than gas stations, where I can find all sorts of terrible things to eat.

And it makes me feel good, both mentally and physically.  I have even taken to measuring my food at home.  Last night I made a mean pot of spaghetti with Italian turkey sausage, and it was seriously amazing.  So seriously amazing that, usually, I would have eaten two helpings, thinking it was one.  But not last night — I measured and actually felt good about eating a healthy dinner with a small salad. 

I am anxious, in a good way, to step onto the scale this week.  My clothes are already fitting better, and I have a lot more energy.  I started taking a new medication for sleep earlier this week, and it has made me sick a few times — has also made me not so hungry.  I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing, to use it for weight loss, but it helps that it’s not one more medication that makes me eat everything in sight.  I don’t know if I will stay on it, though, because it’s not helping me sleep, which is the point, right?

It helps me sometimes, to find an outfit that I think is really cute that I can hang a dream on, so to speak, for once I have lost some weight.  I am really liking these shrugs from Lane Bryant:

Knit Cocoon Shrug

Knit Cocoon Shrug

Crop Length Shrug
  Crop Length Shrug
Short Sleeve Crop Shrug

Short Sleeve Crop Shrug

So, these are some outfits/styles that I look forward to being able to wear, that I would be COMFORTABLE wearing when I lose some more weight.  And I have a ton of clothes in my closet, as well, that will fit after a little while and I will just be walking around so SUPER-HOT everywhere, that Dr. Love will have to start beating up every guy that tries to hit on me.  😀