Telling it Like it Is: The Big Five

Wowza.  I have not posted anything since Christmas Day, and I wasn’t really planning on taking a break, it just kinda happened.  The tagline on this blog is “telling it like it is.”  I have a few things I need to tell myself, keeping in the spirit of the tradition.

1) Klonopin will erase anxiety, but you’re supposed to use skills, too.

I have been having more than my fair share of anxious moments lately, and, really, I am a bit entitled.  DSB just had major surgery, I’ve been jam-packing my days with this and that, and one month and one week later, quitting smoking is still not the easiest thing that I do.  The smartest thing to do would be to use some self-soothe and sacred self skills, and while I have been trying, I also find myself lacking.  I have been showering a good bit more, and even putting on lotion, but the food I put into my body is disgusting.

2) There is nothing about a messy kitchen that a trash can, dishwasher, pantry, and refrigerator can’t take care of within 15 minutes.

DSB has been doing some cooking lately, and it would be putting it nicely to say he makes a bit of a mess.  Empty cans everywhere, flour, flour, flour all over the place, wet paper towels in the sink.  You get the idea.  Now that I have a dishwasher, I don’t mind so much, because it just GOES AWAY.  And it’s easy.  If you don’t have a dishwasher, you should get one, even if you cook fairly rarely.  They are a treasure and don’t let anyone tell you different.

3)  It’s ok to go to bed at 9:00pm if you are tired.  It doesn’t mean you are old.

No, it means that I require 10 to 11 hours of sleep to function optimally.  I don’t know if it’s the meds or the bipolar itself, but I can’t handle less than 10.  It is really, really not pretty when the number dips below ten.

4)  Ok, so  you didn’t do a New Year’s post.  Whoop-de-friggin-dah.

I read a few New Year’s posts, but to be honest, I mostly checked delete all and then emptied my trash.  I don’t need to hear about someone else’s resolutions so that I can compare them to my personal goals (not resolutions) and feel bad about myself.  I did appreciate a few Top Ten Books of 2013 posts, however.  Keep those coming.  In fact, anytime you read a good book, email me or post it in my comments section.  I got the Kindle Paperwhite for Christmas and am just figuring out how to interface with my local library, and the results have been ahhhh-mazing.

5) No matter how tough it gets, I have a great support system.

I have a few people in my life that I can count on, time and time again, to drag me through the muck and get me up and running again.  Those people know who they are, and hopefully know how much I appreciate them.  DSB was whining on New Year’s Eve that 2013 had been a crap year.  My exact words to him:

“My life is infinitesimally better with you in it.  Every year will be a great year, and it will keep getting more and more so.”

And then I gave him a big wet sloppy kiss.  And cried.

 

By Next Thanksgiving, I Will Be Thankful For…

Made it through Turkey Day by the skin of my teeth.  If you have to wonder about that one, check back through the last few posts, and I’ll also give a recap.  DSB and I arguing.  Day Five of quitting smoking.  Ungrateful children at Mom’s Thanksgiving.  Dad and therapist stoking the fires of mine and DSB’s arguments.  Much angst about all sorts of things, really.  Anything that could be angsted over, was, again and again.

And now we’re done, right?  I mean, like until next year.  All of this familial stress and jonesing for a smoke and self-doubt in the brain and people influencing you to pick fights with your significant other…it’s all done for this year, right?  Well, I wish it was, and maybe part of it can be, if we just work at it a little bit.

I have never been one for New Years Eve resolutions, and I’m not going to start this year.  What I am going to do is start a new list…a list of everything I hope to be thankful for by Thanksgiving 2014.  This list, of course, is not all-inclusive, but it covers the big ones.  And to you naysayers out there who say I should be thankful for what I have, well, I am.  Thankful, that is.  I am thankful also that I can dream and hope for a bigger, brighter future, which is what this list is all about.

In no particular order, I give you the “By Next Thanksgiving (2014), I’ll be thankful for…”

1) A brand new addition to our family.  My sister and husband are having a little boy and the entire family is ecstatic.

2) Newer and deeper understanding of DSB, that I hope to gain through mind control, bribery, and long and meaningful chats.

3) An improved relationship with my mother, in that she stops calling me her kitchen bitch, and I stop running home when she makes me feel like a child.

4) One year smoke free.  Can you imagine what the stats would be like?

5) A stellar Christmas 2013.  Whoo-boy, did you see the tree that Rose put up?! Zowwwiie!

6) The ability to walk at least 3 miles, starting in short stretches.

7) The health and happiness of the pups, especially watching over Rascal not getting heartworms again and Kizzie’s bum leg and skin allergies.  Hey, here’s to being thankful on Thanksgiving 2014 that Kizzie’s skin allergies have been figured out and we can stop feeding her Zyrtec to no avail.

8) Being able and trusted to take care of my nephew, on my own, for at least one hour.

9) DSB being smoke-free.  A girl can dream, right?

10) Domestic bliss, in that my house helps me along the way as I clean it.  Lovely hope and dream.