Today…(wait for it, wait for it) has been a pretty.good.day. I am counting my weeks on DBT weeks now, starting on Wednesdays and ending on Tuesdays. The rationale is that you do your diary card based on the week prior to group; therefore, with group being on Wednesday, Tuesday is close of business.
I had an annoying and blatantly obvious revelation today while I was chainsmoking in my car in an abandoned parking lot on my lunch break. It became even clearer as the day went on, to the point that I’m finding myself observing my behavior and thinking, “How the hell did I not catch that behavioral phenomena before?”
I am an emotionally reactive person. I suppose I already knew this, or at least most of me did, but I was not willing to admit it. And of course, like all of these little revelations that self-introspection brings, it annoys the crap out of me and leaves me shaking my head. My interpretation of how my day went is based on how I’m feeling at that moment. So. Case in point being today’s situation (which is repeated non-stop in my life). I had a pretty good day today. I was up not-too-early and not-too-late, able to drink just the right amount of coffee. I got a good parking spot, had positive interactions with my colleagues and other contacts, and really just plowed through my day and finished a lot of projects. At the end of the day, I’m feeling good, ready to go home and see what could possibly make this day better.
On the way home, I lose an earring. A new earring. A new favorite earring. A new favorite earring that I am convinced is good juju for Washburn Lady Blues games. My mood went to hell almost immediately. And it lasted for about ten minutes, because I remembered how great my day had been and how one earring isn’t going to change the world. So I started cleaning and getting dinner together and putting away laundry. And then, out of nowhere, everything started to get on my nerves. My anxiety spiked, my cleaning became more frantic and the little voices inside my head were rapping about how dirty the house is and how lazy I am because I let Dr. Love take care of the laundry and how if only I could lose some weight I would have more energy and I could do it all myself.
So, that was about fifteen minutes ago. I decided a little effectiveness was in order, a little self-soothe, distract. Hell, you can lump it in to a bunch of different categories.
So here I sit…smoking my e-cigarette, basking in the glow of my sunlamp, listening to my music, and blogging.
And a state of near-perfect calm has come over me as I realize,
I’m hungry and dinner’s ready. Time to eat!
Gnarls Barkely, Going On —
— another repeat, I realize…feel free to make some suggestions, as I could use an a new artist to obsess about. 🙂