Sun in My Eyes

Things are looking up from yesterday.  Yesterday was not pretty.  It was filled with frustration and anxiety and irritability.  I would have blogged about it, but I was in too much pain to sit.  That, and I was whiny.  No one likes a whiner.

Long story short, yes, I do have staph.  No, it is not MRSA.  Wound remains about 3/4″ deep.  Abcessed area is 2″x2″, down from 4″x3″.  I am healing, but too fast.  Yesterday, my ARNP cut me back open and messed around in the wound.  She then told me that the dressing that keeps getting applied isn’t going to work, because there is too much drainage.  Obviously…I had to go back twice yesterday and every day this week.

I am really liking the ARNP that I have seen a couple of times for my cyst wound and I have an appointment scheduled with her to become my new primary care doctor.  She is even going to do my psych meds, which would be fabulous, because going to the community mental health center is hell.  Especially now that my ARNP at the CMHC thinks that I am a drug addict.

Having an Rx for Clonopin does not make me a drug addict, especially when I barely ever use it for PRN.  Anyone that knows my Clonopin-taking habits knows that I rarely use it, even when I need it.  Because I do not want to be a DRUG ADDICT.  Ok, still a little peeved at that lady, but I’ll get over it.  As long as I don’t have to see her again.

Back to my new ARNP, who I shall name Giggles.  She really seems to know her stuff, she is friendly, supportive, and always listens.  She makes time to see me and talk to me about my concerns and makes me feel better by really explaining things to me.  That is hard to find sometimes, when you have Medicaid for secondary insurance.

I worked my four hours today and am not going to do anymore.  I worked for two hours, took a 30 minute rest on the couch, and then worked another two.  I was busy during that time, but it was super-painful to sit that long.  I may or may not have tried to do a few things at QoB’s house, just to take a little stress off of her.  The rest of the day calls for the couch, and then back to the clinic this evening to have my wound repacked and redressed.  I did start a load of laundry, but we’ll see how far I get with that.  Baby steps, baby steps.

It is funny how physical pain can make you feel mentally unstable.  I have to keep reminding myself that I am not getting depressed.  I am laying on the couch and taking naps because my physical well-being REQUIRES it.  I am only working half-days at work because my doctor REQUIRES it.  Sometimes I just need to give myself a break.

I have been at odds with my stepsister for the last month or two.  My dad told me a few choice things that she said, and I was already fed up with her behavior before that.  She is mean to her kids, verbally abusive, really.  That bothers me.  The youngest just turned one year old and the older is 11.  Also, when I go over to her house for dinner, I bring everything to make dinner with me and she doesn’t contribute at all.  And then she gets upset if I take home extras with me.  Things that make ya go, “hmmmm.”

She called yesterday to invite me to my niece’s first birthday party slash new housewarming party.  I was relieved to tell her that I had a staph infection and could barely sit, therefore I could not make it.  I am not mad or upset, I just don’t want to be around her.  I don’t find that I get anything positive from it and it is often upsetting.  That is part of my life now — choosing what I will and won’t tolerate and sticking to it.

Kizz and Birdie have been driving me a bit crazy lately.  Birdie is still not house-trained and my beautiful hardwoods are getting ruined.  I really think that they will clean up with some Bona treatment, but it is hard getting around to that when I am all gimped out.  I am looking forward to feeling better so I can catch up on that.

The dogs also really have separation anxiety, and that can be stressful.  They chew up things, they act crazy when I leave and when I get home, and they rebel when I leave them alone for longer than a work-day.  It has been good for them for me to be around more, and I think that now that summer is over, I will be home more often in the evenings.

Now that I live closer to my parents, I am doing a lot more of going over for a few hours and then coming home around 7:00 or 8:00.  That seems to work better than when I was at the old house, not being able to stand hanging out there, and being gone from 7:00am to 9:00pm, and then going straight to bed.  They hated that, and so did I.

I am really enjoying being back to blogging and am trying to find a few more blogs to follow.  I enjoy reading about other people’s lives, their struggles, their dreams.  Reading another person’s words can be so inspiring and uplifting, and can also remind you of where you came from and why you aren’t going back.  I hope my blog does that for a few people, and even if not, I enjoy doing it just for myself.

Cheers to Thursday…it’s almost the weekend!

Sheryl Crow, Soak up the Sun

The *WARNING* Long Story of my Bum

As I have been Twittering about, and mentioning in my last blog (and personally obsessing and worrying about), I had an infected pilonidal cyst lanced on Saturday.  I am not going to link a site to pilonidal cyst, because you should Google it if you are truly that interested.  Basically, it is a cyst on your tailbone that can become infected and can be recurrent.

On Friday, when I was told to go to the doctor by QoB, I was thinking that this would be a one-time, no-biggie type of deal.  Well, I have been to the clinic five times in the last four days, therefore making it not a one-time or no-biggie type of deal.  Do I have the tendency toward the dramatic?  Yes.  Of course I do.  I do not think, however, that I am being dramatic when I state that this hole over my tailbone has really affected my life.

It is hard to sit, very painful, actually.  It is also painful to walk around much or do any type of mildly strenuous activity.  After lying down most of the weekend, I went to work yesterday and it was not pleasant.  I sit all day, in a super-duper ergonomically-designed office chair with great lumbar support.  So, there I was, sitting all day with strong pressure in my tailbone area.  It is no wonder I vomited early afternoon from the pain I was in.  Needless to say, I went home and laid down.  My supervisor called later because she was worried about me.  I thought that was nice.

Today, I had my first “real” shower since Saturday morning (sponge baths just do not give you that clean feeling!).  I had QoB take the packing out, which was a huge mistake, but I really did think that is what the ARNP yesterday said to do.  I took my clean self to the clinic and the wound was re-packed.  It hurt worse than any other time before. 

The ARNP says it is “healing” but still “very large.”  There is still quite a bit of drainage, also.  She asked me about my pain and I told her about work yesterday and throwing up and being in incredible pain.  She wanted me to take the next seven days off, but I told her that was a no-go.  I talked her into letting me work four hours each day for the next seven days, and headed into work with my note.

By the time I reached work, I was feeling really terrible.  Shaky, sweaty, weak, nauseous.  I made my way to my office and talked to my back-up supervisor because mine was in training.  I gave him my note and we called my supervisor on speaker-phone.  She was very understanding and told me to take all the time I need.  She told me that I could work from home until the doctor clears me, and if I don’t have enough to do at home to stay busy, I could come in for a couple of hours and see people or I could just take extra leave.  My supervisor told me that she didn’t want me to worry much about work while I was out, that everything would be taken care of, and that I needed to take care of myself so I don’t end up hospitalized (QoB emailed me the same thing this afternoon…hmph!).

So I went to QoB’s house, because she has wireless and my laptop will connect to my work network through VPN.  I worked my little heart out until around 1:00 and then thought I might die from sitting up for so long.  I laid down for a little bit but was unable to rest much because of barky-barky dogs.  I sat up for a little while, laid back down for a little while, and now am upright again doing a last check of work email and thought — hey, I should blog!  Get all of these obsessive thoughts about my bum out of the way.  MUST PUT WARNING ON POST.

Truth is, I would rather be at work.  I don’t like working from home.  I don’t like lying down all day.  I don’t like feeling unproductive.  And I really don’t like using sick-time.  So, I AM feeling rather bummed about the state of my bum and I would be willing to bet that at least one reader is terribly happy that I shared this, no matter how mundane it may be.  😀

Queen, Fat Bottomed Girls