As I posted last night, midday, afternoon, and evening are the worst. I am actually fairly good-to-go in the mornings. I woke up this particular morning at 10:30am, which is quite late for me, so I’m a bit disappointed that I am going to miss out on my easiest part of the day. I am so buoyant, however, right now, that I am hopeful that morning will merge into afternoon and I won’t notice. That is possible, right?
So many thanks for lovely followers (I don’t like the term, how about friends?) sending good juju my way last night. I had a good night’s sleep and awoke, feeling pretty darn good. Tinge of mania, perhaps, so it is possible that I am experiencing a mixed episode. It would explain the overpowering anxiety and irritibility that I have been throwing around. Not sure, though, but a thought.
Mixed states can really be the most difficult. Because, it’s like having all the energy in the world, but it’s negative. So you’re pissed, irritable, annoyed, sad, grumpy, and emotions are swinging to and ‘fro. I really do think it might be the worst stage of bipolar, especially for those around you. No one likes you in a mixed state, and it can’t really be blamed on anything but the behavior.
Moving on to sunnier thoughts, I do have my sunlamp on. Even though it is sunny outside. I am hoping it’s super-powers will change me back into the human that I know I can be. I also have a boatload of housework to do, so I need the energy it gives me. Sleeping late really ruined my routine and I’ve yet to see DSB for longer than five minutes today.
DSB’s surgeon told him on Thursday that he could lift up to 40-50 pounds. What does that mean to him? It means he should go wrestle with the radiator on his truck, of course. And then perhaps do some welding. Sigh. I am almost positive that a truck radiator weighs more than 40-50 pounds, and I should note that when he breezed by a little bit ago, he looks worse for wear and said he is not sure it is a good idea that he start “doing things” again. Sigh again. This is DSB’s third surgery within a year, and it’s just getting old. Mostly for him, but for me, too.
I don’t know if that’s really fair to him, to say his injuries and not feeling good and constant pain are a pain in the ass for me as well. But it’s so true. He can’t ever do anything, he’s not much help with things that are generally his territory (feeding and watering dogs, taking trash to the road, snow removal, mowing, etc). I asked him to brown some hamburger because I was going to be late getting home, and he wasn’t able to do that. So he had cottage cheese and a small salad for dinner, and I just had a small salad. Talk about being hungry in the morning. We are meat eaters!
Speaking of meat eaters, DSB is convinced that the reason he is healing so quickly is because he eats a lot of protein and drinks a lot of milk. We do have meat/protein at every meal, and that is the main course. I’d like to have soup a few times a week, but he won’t have it. It’s meat, meat, meat. I’ve thought about just making soup for myself, but I’m not sure I could make a small enough amount that it wouldn’t go bad. That, and he’d eat it if it were around. Cooking two meals, and then having him eat both. Don’t think so.
Well this has been full of randomness and my thoughts are racing and all over the place, so I’ll end for now. Maybe a blog this evening about how the day ended up, with these feelings of zingy-ness this morning.